Wander’s End

Chapter Thirteen

By: Elizabeth Bundick

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“Good!” Anna laughed, causing John to look up from his work. He paused in grooming Willy, Anna’s 2 year old Irish draft horse, to watch her. He caught himself doing that more and more. Every time he caught himself he wondered why. Of course he had feelings for Anna, she’s saved his life after all. He was grateful she had taken him in, even though she didn’t really have the money for it. But, he thought, it wasn’t just that he was grateful, he wanted Anna. Part of him was okay with that. He was a man who went after what he wanted, no matter what stood in his way. How exactly he knew that, she wasn’t sure, but he was getting use to the feeling of knowing, but not remembering things. The other part of him was telling him to keep his hands to himself. He had no idea if there was someone else in his life. He didn’t want to hurt Anna or this potential other woman. Noble yes, but it left John frustrated as hell. He found himself laying awake at night, wondering about what Anna would taste like, or how she would feel under his hands. Would she moan outright, or would he have to coax it out of her. John closed his eyes and clenched his fists. He shouldn’t have let him mind wander down that path. He took a deep breath and turned back to the task at hand. At least he was finally going to get his stitches out today and he could take the sling off. He was looking forward to that at least. And, with his bank cards unfrozen he could finally pay Anna back for everything she had done. He smiled, wouldn’t Anna be surprised.

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Walking out of the doctor’s office John rolled his shoulder and flexed his arm. It felt very good to get out of that sling. He could have cared less about the scar on his forehead. The doctor was quite pleased with his recovery and wished John luck in getting the rest of his memory back. It was the only dark spot on John’s day. He decided to ignore it, like Anna kept telling him to and move on. He climbed into Anna’s truck, which he had borrowed to get to town and headed for the tack shop.

Before going to the doctor’s he had checked the phone book to find out where one was, and discovered it was conveniently located just a little ways past the doctor’s office. He considered it a good sign. He was doing the right thing in surprising Anna. What exactly he was going to surprise her with, he hadn’t decided yet. He figured the owner of the shop could tell him what Anna would need, or want.

When he walked into the shop all idle chit chat stopped, a common occurrence around John lately. It would start back up in the couple of minutes and didn’t faze him in the least.

“Mr. Grey!” A saleswoman said, “I bet Anna sent you, didn’t she?”

“Actually, I’m here on my own,” John comment while looking over the shop, “I’m looking to get Anna a gift. Something she needs for the barn.”

The saleswoman exchanged a look with another customer that almost made John roll his eyes. Small town gossip networks should be hanged, in his opinion. This fake engagement thing was driving him and Anna crazy.

“How nice!” The saleswoman exclaimed, rushing up to his side, “Well, you just follow me and I’ll show you what Anna’s been lusting after.”

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While Anna wouldn’t admit it she was listening for the sound of her truck as soon as John left. When he wasn’t around she noticed. It was like Buck or Rodger went missing she was so used to him. Which was just stupid, Anna thought to herself as she tacked Morgan, her bay Morgan horse, for a lesson. She really didn’t need to problem of falling in love with John. Anna froze with the saddle halfway in the air. Love? Where had that come from? Anna slowly set the saddle down on Morgan’s back and then stepped away. Oh my god, she thought, reaching out for the wall to brace herself against. Oh. My. God. Was she actually falling in love with John? No, no, it couldn’t be possible. She’d only met him a few weeks ago and they hadn’t even so much as kissed. You could not fall in love with someone without even having at least one kiss. There was just no way. Or so Anna told herself until she stopped panicking. She was going to have to be more careful from now on. She was on thin ice with her feelings as it was. No matter what, Anna told herself, she was not going to make the mistake of falling for John. No way in hell.

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Loading his purchases into the back of the truck John felt better than he had in days. Who knew shopping could make someone feel so good and that it wasn’t for himself made him feel even better. He had bought more than enough gear to make up for all the money Anna had spent on him. The majority of the truck bed was filled with boxes. John loaded the last item, a brand new saddle, into the back and then slammed the tail gate closed. He rolled his shoulder when the muscles cramped. Great, he’d probably strained it lifting everything, but he smiled. Hard work was god for you. John froze as the memories assaulted him without warning.

He’d said those words before. Hundreds of times in fact, to all of his employees who wanted to go home at reasonable hours. Or when they told him that they had too much work to do and not enough time to do it in. He’d treated them coldly. He could see himself calmly firing person after person when they wouldn’t bend to his will. It was like he was watching another person not even care that he reduced someone to tears. Sure, he paid them well, but they weren’t people to him. Just workers, like ants in a hill. They were his workers so they had to work as hard as he did, maybe more so. Dizzy and frankly appalled, John leaned against the back of the truck and pressed his fists against his eyes, trying to make the memories stop. Could he have really have been like that? Was that who he used to be? A dictator? A jerk? He didn’t want to know who he had been if he’d been like this. He didn’t want to remember that he was ruthless, heartless and cold. He couldn’t bee those things. He shook off the feeling and walked around to the cab of the truck. He climbed inside and slammed the door. He needed to make one more trip before going back to the barn.

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“It’s completely natural John,” Melanie, Anna’s friend, said.

“To hate yourself?” John laughed bitterly, “To be afraid the more you remember the more you’re going to become that…jerk?”

Melanie smiled reassuringly at him, “Well, you don’t want to become that person again, do you John?”

“Hell no,” John said vehemently.

“Then you won’t. You’ll make a conscious effort to not be that kind of person again, won’t you?” John nodded, but didn’t feel any better about it, “Good, now if you want to talk some more, you should schedule an appointment. My intern will show you out, Hunter!”

John got to his feet and followed the kid out of the office, but he didn’t make an appointment. He wasn’t going to tell Anna’s best friend what his problem was, since he didn’t want Anna finding out. Anna couldn’t know he’d been a monster.

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Anna was leading Morgan back to the stable when she heard the familiar cough of her engine. John! her heart laughed, but Anna slapped it around some and it stopped. Yeesh, she was never going to be able to keep a cool head around him if she kept acting like that. She put Morgan away before calmly heading towards the drive way.

“Hey City Boy,” She said pleasantly, “What did the doctor have to say?”

“I’ve got a clean bill of health,” John said, getting out of the truck, “And a surprise for you.”

“Surprise?” John looked at her confused, probably because she had squeaked out the word.

“You don’t like surprises?”

“Uh, no, no, surprises are fine,” Anna quickly recovered, “What did you get me?”

“Keep your eyes closed,” John ordered and took her hand. Anna reluctantly closed her eyes and followed when John tugged her forward. “Okay, open them,” John said and Anna did.

“Jesus!” She swore, “What the hell is all of this?”

“Your surprise,” John said, ignoring her panicked look.

“John, that’s a Prestige Nona Garson Elite saddle, that’s over three thousand dollars!” Anna exclaimed, staring in a mix of awe and horror at the box.

“Yeah, the sales woman said you’d love it. You’ve been wanting one for years, and you said you needed a new saddle early.”

“But not a three thousand dollar one,” Anna looked at him, eyes wide with fear, “You can’t…you shouldn’t….”

“Anna, I wanted to do something nice for you.”

“This is too nice! I can’t accept this, I honestly can’t.” Anna turned away and headed for the house.

“Anna! Anna!” John called, thundering up the steps after her, but Anna didn’t stop. She kept going out the back door, then around to the barn, staying just a few steps a head of John. She grabbed a bridle from the outside of Chance’s stall, and she was thankful he was already tacked from an earlier lesson.

“Anna, what’s wrong?” John said, standing in front of the stall door while Anna slid the bridle over Chance’s head. “What did I do?”

“Nothing, it’s not important John,” Anna shook her head, “Just return the stuff, okay?”

“No, Anna. If you won’t take it as a gift, then take it as repayment for everything you’ve spent on me.”

Anna pressed her face against Chance’s neck, “I can’t John, okay? I just can’t. Now, please, move I’ve got a lesson to teach.” John stepped out of the way and Anna lead Chance out, avoiding his gaze. What could she say? That when she saw that he had bought her horse gear, not jewelry or something frivolous had made her realize that she did love him? That no man had ever thought to get her something like that before and that he did made her love him all the more? God, she was an idiot. Stupid, stupid, she’d fallen for his stupid caramel eyes and that stupid smile that appeared so rarely because he worried all the time about things. How could she be so stupid?

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Anna sat on the bottom step of her front steps and tossed a tennis ball for Buck and Rodger. John hadn’t returned the gear. She’d found it sitting in the tack room when she’d finished the last lesson of the day. Anna hadn’t been able to resist opening the saddle and stroking the leather. She could remember the day she had first seen the saddle in the tack shop. It looked perfect for Clipper, her Mustang. And now it was hers. She closed her eyes and tipped her head back. Everything John had bought was exactly what she had always wanted for her barn, but couldn’t afford. He done the nicest, most perfect thing she could ever want a man to do for her. And she loved him.

“Anna,” She stiffened when he sat next to her on the steps, “I didn’t mean to offend you when I bought that stuff.”

“You didn’t,” Anna said, starting to get up from the step. John grabbed her arm and she looked down at him.

“Of course I did. You built brought this place up from nothing,” John sighed, “And I just blow thousands of dollars and shove it in your face. I’m sorry Anna, I didn’t mean it like that.”

Anna sighed, her shoulders dropping, “I did over reacted John, but you really took me by surprise. All that stuff, wow man.”

“Will you keep it Anna? If you want the money, I can pay you back, but I’d really like it if you kept the stuff.”

“Okay, but only because it means so much to you.” Anna smiled at him and noticed the look in his eyes. She desperately wanted to listen to the plea in them. He wanted her. Damn it, it would be so much easier if she didn’t love him, then she could give in.

“Why don’t you get started on dinner? I’ve got to finish playing with Buck and Rodger?” She said, gently pulling her arm away and turning her back to him. She heard John sigh. It’s better this way, for both of us, Anna thought.