5: All About You

On their way home Skye stopped at a decrepit gas station to buy a pack of cigarettes, offering one to Jonais, who declined.

“I know you’ve smoked pot,” Skye murmured as he pocketed his lighter.

“Huh?”

“Don’t play dumb with me. What, did you think I was coming on to you back there at Christians?” Skye cast a sideways glance at the boy walking quietly beside him.

“So what? Maybe I’ve smoked some pot before. Does it matter any to you?” Jonais felt slightly offended, feeling that their moment was only a test.

“It’s only a problem if you do it around me. So I think you should get rid of your little stash right now.” Skye reached down and patted the front pocket on Jonais’s hoodie. Jonais swatted his hand away, already beginning to feel uneasy.

“You said only around you, so I won’t do it around you.”

“I don’t want drugs my house, so please get rid of the shit.”

“I need it though!” Jonais made a half-hearted attempt.

“You’ll learn to live without it if you want a place to live. You’re smart, you don’t need it at all,” Skye made it sound so simple and easy as they walked through the dark streets. Jonais cast his eyes downward. If he didn’t obey him than he’d be cast out onto the streets again. He wasn’t sure if he could handle that.

“I’m not smart,” He thought about his wrists then, all the pale scars. Skye tapped on Jonais’s head.

“You have brains, I can tell. Your parents must do drugs. Sell them even.”

Jonais balled his fists and frowned at Skye, “how do you know so much?”

“Easy,” He shrugged, taking another drag. “You have glasses; most kids couldn’t afford the underwear covering their asses much less than some nice expensive, thin wire framed glasses like yours. But besides that, you reek like all different things, alcohol included, but of course that’s not so bad.”

“Unless your dad is an alcoholic.”

“Druggie mom then?”

“Well they both do drugs, and I just picked it up…but only dad really drinks.” Jonais found himself admitting.

“So your mom is probably sitting at home getting stoned on god only knows what and your father is out at some hooker bar drinking and selling dope, does that sound about right to you?” Skye smiled a little satisfied smirk.

“I told you I was—“

“They’re trash,” Jonais interrupted, “not you. Don’t ever think you are dirty because of what they do!” His eyes were fierce and he captured Jonais’s gaze for a few seconds before wrapping the boy in his arms. Jonais stood there limply, unsure of what exactly he was supposed to do. Inside his mind he knew he would always be like his parents.

“Mother’s know best,” Skye said in a chuckling murmur as he released Jonais and started to unlock his door. Then stopped and turned. “Get rid of it.”

“Skye…” Jonais tried whining this time but it failed.

“Don’t make me strip you…I would enjoy it far too much,” This time the smirk was evil and seemed to widen when Jonais blushed.

“Fag,” He muttered.

“I saw you eyeballing me. Tell you what,” Skye continued, “If you ever need to get high, talk to me, and I’ll take you higher than you’ve ever been.” He winked and Jonais couldn’t help but empty his pockets. He had wanted to quit anyways, maybe Skye could help him. Jonais reached in; pulled out the only joint he had, looked at it, and then threw it on the ground. Skye flashed him a grin and ushered him into the house.

It was dark. So dark that Jonais couldn’t see his hand in front of his face even if he wiggled his fingers. He could hear Skye shuffling around, heard the bag get set down and drawers being pulled open. A moment later, dim candlelight illuminated the man’s face.

“No electricity,” He explained, “I run a gas operated business, it’s much cheaper.” He looked subtly embarrassed so Jonais only nodded.

“Can I look around?’

“It isn’t much but,” He lit another candle, “You can if you feel up to it.” Jonais took the candle and wandered off.

Skye sighed as the boy disappeared into the inky blackness far beyond what his light penetrated. Watching where the boy had been for a moment before turning and putting his newly bought food away. Skye pulled off his tank top, it was smudged with blood from earlier, and threw it into another pile of dirty laundry. He knew he needed to take his clothes to get them washed but it was too late now to do any of that. Skye finished up with the groceries and walked into is living room, plopping down on the couch. He winced and pressed a palm to his bandaged side. Skye stretched out when the pain had subsided, throwing his legs up as well. He could hear faint scuffling in the next room and wondered what Jonais was up to. Feeling too sore to get up, Skye ran his fingers through his hair and relaxed. A moment later, he blew out his candle and welcomed the swallowing darkness. He didn’t feel tired yet though, his rather long nap earlier had denied him any chance of sleep tonight. Fumbling through the darkness, Skye grabbed one of his smokes and lit up.

Jonais had disappeared down the hallway, peeking into different rooms. There weren’t that many. Three to be exact. A bathroom, Skye’s bedroom, and the room at the very end that housed things Jonais didn’t want to think about, or even wonder what they were for.

He thought Skye’s room was the most intriguing. The old paint on the walls was peeling and chipped, looking the color of cool, grey death. The walls were cracked and bare, and small enough to be cozy but not swallowing. The closet doors were hanging off the hinges and inside, faded clothes hung on old wire hangers. The hard creaky wood floor was cold and the boards were loose in many areas. A big mirror hung against the wall opposite the bed, a large crack ran down the center, but it was easily the prettiest thing in there. And the bed…oh! The bed looked so inviting! The dingy green comforter looked plush and warm, and though the mismatched blue sheets were faded and blood-stained in some areas, it still cried out warmth and escape.

Jonais reluctantly turned, his thoughts going to the small bathroom, and he wondered if he would be allowed to shower. Would Skye care? There was only one way to find out.

Skye jumped a bit when Jonais emerged from the hall. He looked a little bit red around the cheeks in the candle light and his eyes were two glowing green flames.

“Hey Jonais, find anything interesting?” Skye noted how those eyes instantly averted to the wall and remembered that he had not locked the door to the back room. “Don’t worry,” He assured then. “Most of those instruments wouldn’t be for you.”

Jonais, curious now, sat at the other end of the couch by Skye’s feet. “I…what made all of those cuts all over you?”

“A friend of mine,” He answered plainly.

“Some friend. What did she do to you?”

“He, Jonais, whipped me with a metal tipped crop.”

“You mean you let men do that to you?!” Jonais asked, blushing harder now.

“The pay is good and it keeps me comfortable.”

“But it hurts you..”
“Percy went overboard last time,” Skye rubbed his bottom and patted the insides of his thighs. “Men can’t resist me tough. My body earns me a life and I don’t mind letting them play for the pay.”

Jonais stood abruptly, the force putting out the candle. He was furious at how little Skye seemed to care about the men who tortured him and angry at the guys who did it to him. “You only get one body you idiot!”

“I know,” fingers carefully pulled the candle from Jonais’s tight grip and set it aside. “It’s nothing to get so upset about.”

“Yes it is! It bothers me to know that you’re willing to do stuff like that.” Jonais did not look at Skye, it would have done no good in the velvet darkness anyways.

“I hardly ever get hurt, and what do you care anyways? So what? You helped patch me up and now you think you understand?” Skye’s temper flared at the boy’s insolence. “I do it to stay alive, and Percy is the only one who is allowed to do that to me. Most guys want a good, long, hard suck for a mere fifty. Some just want to watch or crave to be touched. No whips, crops, cuffs, candles, anything.”

“Then what’s all the stuff in your back room for?” Jonais felt that something was being left out and didn’t like it. He knew he shouldn’t care, but there was something inside that told him he didn’t like the idea of Skye with other men. A pair of arms came around his waist from behind and a hand slipped up his shirt.

“Would you like to find out what I use some of that stuff for?” Skye knew he could easily avoid getting hounded any further if he made the boy flustered enough. Skye didn’t really want to share his most personal pleasures with Jonais, not ever with anybody.

It worked too, Jonais gasped when Skye had touched his soft lower belly and jerked away. Jonais thought it felt too good, he didn’t like what it did to him so, shaking, he pulled his shirt back down.

“I originally came here to ask if—if I could shower.”

Skye bit his lip to keep from smirking, he hadn’t meant to scare him that bad. Resting a sympathetic hand on Jonais’s shoulder, Skye nodded. “Wash away the stench of home. Come on, I’ll find you something to wear.”

Jonais thought there was some comfort in the way Skye rubbed his shoulders as they waked down the hall. Skye’s hands sent warm tingles in smoky tendrils down his groin. The insides of his thighs went prickly and Jonais felt better again in Skye’s company, but did not say anything for fear that his voice would waver.

A long sleeved blue shirt and small black spandex shorts was what Jonais ended up with. He knew if he were to stay here, he would have to do something about the absence of long sleeves in Skye’s closet. Skye had given him a funny , knowing look when Jonais had refused anything but long sleeves. He was very sensitive about his arms, he did not want Skye to deny him that pleasure as well. Since he had come home with Skye though, the thought of cutting hadn’t crossed his mind yet. It was burning full force now, every nerve was alight and his body oozed with the excitement of the cool razor in his pocket.

Skye was walking him to the bathroom, talking, but Jonais did not here. Did not hear until a hand touched his shoulder that is.

“What’s wrong?” Skye asked and Jonais looked surprised.

“Nothing.”
“Nothing?” Skye repeated, looking skeptical. “You’re bouncing around, I can feel you trembling, almost like you’re excited about something, and you keep rubbing your arm. If I look really close, sometimes your lips move like you’re talking.” Skye frowned when Jonais snorted. “It’s not funny! It’s fucking creepy! Are you all here?” Skye tapped the red head.

Jonais turned to Skye, his eyes big and happy. For the first time, Skye noticed how childish his face looked. Jonais took his glasses off and stepped into the bathroom.

“I’m just happy to be getting clean,” He lied, not wanting to share his most intimate secret. Skye raised an eyebrow and pushed a towel and rag into the boy’s arms.

“Don’t use too much soap.”

“Right,” Jonais did not shut the door, his eyes had been captured by those hazel orbs. Skye looked deep into him and Jonais felt exposed. He wondered if Skye could read his fucked up brain, if he knew. Skye did not move either, frozen in the act of giving Jonais the towel. Those green eyes were even more intoxicating when they weren’t hidden behind glasses.

“Uh…” Jonais couldn’t think of anything to say. So he stood there, lips slightly parted as he tried to beak himself away. And then Skye was right there. Skye wondered if Jonais’s lips were as soft as they looked; they were. When Skye stepped back his eyes were wide with surprise. Jonais’s expression must have mirrored his own, and he caught just a glimpse before the door was shut in his face.

Skye was still touching his lips when he came back to his bedroom to change. He couldn’t believe what he’d done! Now what would Jonais do? Skye couldn’t figure out what compelled him to kills those pouting lips that and that made him mad. But those lips had been so soft… Skye unbuttoned his pants and pulled himself out, stroking his hardened sex until he came, wondering the whole time what Jonais was doing to him.

The boy whom he’d met just mere hours earlier, now seemed like a lifelong friend. A permanent fixture too he hoped. The first person he just didn’t want but felt. That was it, Skye felt for Jonais, and it bugged him.

Jonais sat in the tub, the water spraying over his body. His knees were drawn up to his chest, and watered down blood covered most of the front of his body. His eyes were still wide and mixed emotions ran through his veins. He had liked how it felt when the blond kissed him, but why had he done it?

Because he’s a whore. His conscience screamed, but Jonais didn’t want to believe that. He wanted to think that the surprise, guilt, and longing that he’d seen in those eyes had been real. It flustered him to no end that he couldn’t figure Skye out.

“I haven’t known him for even a whole day yet,” Jonais knew his feelings were wrong for the man, so he cut again. It didn’t help, so he cut more, and more and more until the bottom of the tub was covered in red water and salty tears ran into the corners of his mouth. That’s when he dropped the razor and stood, sobbing at his own mutilated arms.

He wished now the bleeding would stop, he wanted to call to Skye but was too stubborn to ask for help. He wanted those lips again so he let the blood flow, hoping all those feelings would swirl down the drain like the rest.

Jonais choked back a harder sob and soaped up his hair, not caring that it got into and stung his eyes. The pain brought him around and he quickly cleaned off the bloody mess that had already begun to clot in rivulets down his body. The tears came to a halt as soon as the water was shut off. Jonais stepped from the shower and sat on the toilet until his bleeding arms ceased to bleed anymore.

Jonais checked to see once more that no blood was seeping through before knocking on Skye’s door…

Skye winced, hurriedly pulling on a pair of loose shorts and flinging his soiled pants into a corner. “Come in!”

Jonais stepped through and did not look at the other man. Skye noticed how flushed those cheeks were and how bloodshot his eyes were. Jonais was trembling and Skye did not miss that either. “I—I’m sorry,” Jonais sputtered.

“For what?”

“Never mind…” Jonais pulled his arms around himself. “Do you have an extra blanket? I was gonna crash on your couch.”

Skye noticed how Jonais seemed to be looking at anything from him. He hadn’t meant to kiss him, it just happened and now it seemed that Skye would pay. He mentally kicked himself and wondered if he could ever get Jonais comfortable again. He’d been about to offer space in his bed for the boy but now he thought better of it. He might be better off to let Jonais sleep where he pleased, after all, it had been less than a whole day, and to Jonais Skye was just some whore.

“I do have another blanket,” He quietly spoke. “But you’re more than welcome to sleep in here with me if you want. It’s much warmer.” He wasn’t surprised when the boy shook his head. “Hang on then,” Skye rummaged through his closet and produced another blanket. He threw it at Jonais and nearly fell over laughing when it covered his head.

Jonais clawed his way out and kept the woolen blanket wrapped around his shoulders. The material was rough and scratchy, making patches of skin on his bare legs go numb for a moment. Jonais too laughed with Skye for a moment.

“Dork,” Skye chuckled, “Pay more attention!”

When the laughter finally died away, Skye found that Jonais was actually looking his way. Skye smirked at the rumpled teen and stepped closer. He didn’t miss how Jonais tensed. The red mess of hair was a lot longer when it was wet and hung almost down to his shoulders and curled slightly at the ends. It still dripped some and Skye shook his head.

“What?” Jonais asked, throwing him a skeptical look.

“Your hair.”

“My hair?”

“Yes it’s still wet, you should dry it more if you don’t want to get sick,” Skye carefully drew out one long strand of several hairs and they both watched the water drip of the end. Skye grabbed a towel then and before the boy could protest, threw it over the sopping hair.

Skye set to work, massaging his long fingers against Jonais’s head, swearing he heard a purr from the shorter boy.

Jonais had indeed made a sound, the fingertips sent sleep-laden endorphins to his brain and muted all else. If Skye would keep doing just that, Jonais thought he might fall asleep right there. The blanket around him was so warm, and the body so close to him had hands that were so gentle. Jonais’s eyes slipped shut. The towel was removed and long fingers ran through his hair. He heard Skye chuckle as Jonais tilted his head back with the caress.

Skye gulped at the expanse of creamy flesh that was revealed when Jonais pivoted his head back on that neck. He knew he should let go now, knew that Jonais should be leaving him now, but oh how he wanted to bury both hands in the nest of red and claim those pink soft lips. Skye couldn’t bring himself to do that though, lest he frighten the boy more.

“You should get some sleep Jonais,” Skye’s voice wavered oh-so slightly.

“Right then,” Jonais murmured sleepily. He reluctantly opened his eyes and yawned widely, blushing and covering his mouth. Skye’s hand left his hair and ran through his own mess of blond.

“Do you need a pillow?”

“No,” Jonais shook his head, “Your couch is okay, and I can rest my head on the arm.”

“I have extra pillows.”

“It’s okay,” Jonais waved him off and headed for the door.

“Will you be okay alone?’ Skye found himself wanting the warmth of that body next to him. But Jonais nodded to Skye’s dismay.

“I’ve always been alone, I’m not afraid.”

“This house makes lots of noises.”

“Only noises. I’m a big boy Skye. Good Night.”

“Good night Jonais…” And the boy was gone.