1:25pm :: throwing away a good thing :: 11/2/05

You spew out honesty and fidelity.
you reek of lost and natural causes, well,
will this die of unnatural causes?
But a death was inevitable, you say, and that makes it
easier for me to count my losses.
I am one prone to faulty omissions, I'll admit
but your lips
and your eyes, and your hands,
and you're crying in my arms and now
I feel the pinch when you say there's nothing we can do,
and the guilt when I change your mind, I hear your excuse
I can only fight it for so long, you say,
but I still fall asleep next to you, because there isn't another way

You swear I'm going to throw myself out, driven by doubt
but how can I leave when you plead
hiatus
and leave me hanging,
and then you wake me the next morning in the same way?
You swear by so much: that I will be the first, and me alone
that I will cast the first stone, send the first cold words home
hang what we had from the last tree, lock the last door with the last key
and walk away.

I wake to church bells through a loudspeaker
but I stay because, if I go, I don't know if I'll make it back
so maybe you're right, I'm the one who decided to leave
but everything tells me I'll be back tonight, wrapped again
in those same arms, with the same plight,
shedding the same tears and biting my lip so I won't say
"It's a good thing, baby, and you're throwing it away."