Many times I have tried to rationalize

the meaning and truth of what I seek

Never quite able to reach the summit

of that particular peak

I resort myself to violence

not that it eases my pain

It gives me the sensation

that I live on a higher plane

Desire is the lust for a certain power

the ability to affect another's life

You can give another all of your love

or you can pass on all of your strife

Whether I mean to or not,

one will replace the other

It is not a conscious process

It is the curse of being like my mother

She too had a hard time coping with loss

First her innocence by the hand of a pervert

then her family when no one would protect her

She saved me from this type of abuse

but the emotional scars I too was made to suffer

It is easy to hate what you don't understand

For a long time I hated what she did to me

Yet now that I have walked in her shoes

the world has become much easier to see

I do not walk in the shadows of ignorance

but I feel the weight of apathy

The calm and pristine world of poetry seduces me

yet in this world it is a fallacy

How can I find love in this place

when it is so lush with the back-stabbing and scheming

How can I find a common bond with anything

when in the city or country, the ignorance is breeding

I want to believe it when you say you love me

when you say it is not as bad as I think

I want to share your vision and live in your world

but I only can when I'm high or when I drink

If this is the case, then it must not be true

your world is not mine, I cannot decieve

I can lie and say that I love you too

but I know you wouldn't believe

I cannot escape the injustice of this world

The pain I cause you is nothing compared to what I feel inside

A life filled with the beauty of your simple smile

is a life denied