Con Artist Extraordinaire

Part One: D’oldaar

Chapter One: What in Doren’s Name?

“What in Doren’s name…?! Imperial Guard Kyera Areneyo, what have you done to your hair?!” Ky smirked at the Captain of the Imperial Guard’s outrage.

“My hair? Whatever do you mean?”

“It is blue!”

“Imperial blue. And I only streaked it,” Ky corrected. “It matches my uniform better, now.” Archduke N’zuraro turned purple

“Matches your uniform? Matches your uniform?! Now, see here-”

“I can see just fine, I assure you.”

I sighed. Well, I wanted to. Ky was a challenge. I sometimes wondered if she wanted to get thrown out of the Imperial Guard of D’oldaar. That was nonsense, of course; Ky would never let herself be thrown out of anything.

Sure enough, Ky soon had the archduke placated, and was back to lounging at her post. Ky never stands. Ever. She says it makes her look too ‘uptight’. I honestly have no idea what she was doing, playing at becoming a guard.

But I’m starting in the middle of the story, aren’t I? Let me see… Ky was born in Lic’aro, not too long before it was taken over by the Daarians. Her life is sort of confusing, but basically, she was a con artist, and then became a Daarian guard. somewhere along the way she had a daughter, named Senna. And of course, at some point, she picked up me.

Ah, yes, me. I suppose I ought to describe myself. I am the Oruku. I’m a pretty onyx stone set in a gold pendant. Yeah, I’m a necklace. This guy by the name of Nuru Ara did something to me, to make me sentient. And I do all sorts of other cool things, but I’ll get into that later.

So, now that you’re no longer quite as confused, back to my story. Where was I? Ah, yes, Ky at her post. She had clearly enjoyed that little bit of convincing, and was snickering, and it was most annoying, mainly because her shaking was bouncing me around. I’m sure if I weren’t an asexual piece of jewellery, I’d love being held next to Ky’s bouncing bosom, but as it is, it really is quite annoying.

“Ky, stop that!” I ordered.

“Stop what, Oruku?” she asked, all innocence. Wretched woman.

“Stop jiggling. I’ll get sick at this rate!”

“Oh, no you won’t, Oruku dearest. You can’t possibly vomit. You don’t have a stomach.”

“You know what I mean!”

“Oruku De- Er… My Lady Nalarie.” Ky swept a bow. Nalarie gave her an odd look.

“Uh… Yes. Erm… To whom were you speaking?”

“Myself, My Lady Nalarie. You see, I was thinking, and studies have proven that speaking out loud…”

Ky, true to form, convinced Nalarie that she was not insane. Ky can be very convincing.

I have no idea how she does it. I mean, I hear her talking a heck of a lot, but I don’t notice anything different than how everyone else talks. Of course, having never spoken to copious amounts of people, I’m not exactly an expert on conversational skills, but still! I mean, I should have picked up something along the way!

“Mommy mommy mommy!” Oh, yes, did I mention that I detest children? So does Ky, not that she’d admit it.

“Yes, Senna Dear?” Dear? Dear my rear end!

“Miira said I’m stupid!” Stupid is too mild a word.

“Now, why would she say a thing like that?”

“I don’t know. I mean, I called her new pony ugly, but I didn’t really mean it. Not much, anyway.” The corners of Ky’s mouth twitched.

“Ah… Senna, perhaps you should be nicer to Miira. She is a princess.”

“No she’s not. Her mommy isn’t a queen. I asked. Her mommy is a ‘one’. Mommy, what’s a one? Isn’t it a number?” I almost pitied Ky. Almost.

“Er… The ruler of Poray is called the one. Miira is a ‘Little One’. It’s the same thing as a princess. Now, why don’t you go apologize to Miira?”

“Ok, Mommy.” The little demon spawn ran off.

There was silence for a while. Beautiful thing, silence. Such a thing is not common when one is strapped ‘round Ky’s neck. The woman likes the sound of her own voice.

Eventually, Ky finished with her lounging around doing nothing. Most excellent; I was getting bored. Have you ever tired to amuse yourself when you can’t move your body? It ain’t easy. Ky wandered down to the mess hall, grabbed a bite to eat, then wandered into her room and changed out of her uniform. Then she wandered into town.

In Dorena, the capital of D’oldaar, there’s all kinds of stuff to do. There are street minstrels, acrobats, story tellers, mimes, and painters. Theatres and opera houses. Art museums and gorgeous temples. Of course, Ky doesn’t have a proper appreciation for the arts. So instead, I got carried into a tavern.

If the place had a name, I never learned it. Ky went there once, maybe twice, a week. It was dark, dirty, and probably foul-smelling. Ky never went there to drink- the crap they served looked like poison in my opinion. She went there to listen.

When Ky was a con artist (extraordinaire, so she tells me), she always knew everything about everybody. She sold her share of knowledge (not all of it true, of course). Being in the Guard as she was, she no longer had as much access to the less honourable crowd. So she’d go to the places where the low-lifes gathered. I think she needed to know what was going on. Some sort of mental defect or something.

“Oy! Missa, ya gonna order?” the barkeep asked. Ky nodded, and pulled out a beaten coin- a copper coin, not wood, I think. It was hard to tell, sometimes.

“A mug o’ whatever this’ll buy,” she told him. Nodding, the man poured some yellowish liquid into a cracked, dirty mug. Nodding her thanks, Ky sat down at a table.

“Listen carefully,” she murmured to me. “Something’s gonna happen.”

“And how do you know that?” I teased, but I listened all the same.

“Now see here!” a man was yelling. “I know chance, ‘n that wasn’t chance! No one can get a score o’ points ten times straight!”

“But I got it a different way each time!” the accused protested. Ky snorted.

“Mage?” she asked.

“Mage.” I confirmed. “What a waste. He could be out saving the world, but no, he’s rotting away here.” Ky sniffed.

“Terra protects all,” another man wearing green-embroidered brown robes was telling a street tough, “but she also takes those whom she considers dangerous, and punishes them. So-”

“Buzz off, Monk, or you’ll be buzzed off,” the tough ordered, fingering her cudgel. The Son of Terra- he wasn’t a monk, whatever the tough said- huffed off.

“Nothing suspicious that I can here,” I pointed out.

“Bite your tongue, Rock.”

“I don’t have a tongue.” It’s nice to get even with her.

“You know what I- Wait!” Following a thread of her thought- I can sense my bearer’s thoughts- I listened in on a nearby conversation.

“Ay, ‘tis the truth,” a man in a black cloak was saying to his companion. “We’re going to war with K’nara, and we’re going to war soon.”

“I ain’t heard any of this,” his friend argued. I had to agree with the friend. Sure, D’oldaar had annexed tons three of the surrounding countries, but they’d been talking about getting K’nara for years now.

“Hey, I’ve been to the palace plenty, and it’s all over the place in some sections. What would you know?”

“All over the place?” Ky asked me softly. “I haven’t heard anything.”

“You know rumours. They’re always nine parts false and one part need for gossip.”

“True, but still… I knew something was going to happen…” Ky got lost in thought. Curious, I followed.

0o0o0

I was sitting on a log, eating an apple when the soldiers first came. Gosh, how old was I? Seven? Eight? And I knew something was weird, because my dad was never spoken of, and everyone always spoke of the Daarians in hushed voices, but I never really understood. And then the soldiers came.

They were so pretty, with those burnished breastplates. I was so impressed with their commander, who was female. The idea was awesome. I mean, no K’narese woman would ever join the army. But they were led by that woman with the black hair, and that hair got me, too. I mean, I thought my hair was weird being wheat-coloured; normal hair was like carrots, right? But that woman…

I was so impressed, and I wandered out to greet them. The woman looked down at me, and I said hello, and she said hello back. She was so kind. She even smiled. Then she turned to that other soldier, and said something about me being a benefit someday. I didn’t get it then, but now… She was wrong. I wonder who she was. If this attack does happen, I might meet her again. Wouldn’t that be crazy?

I ran to the house, to tell Mother. It wasn’t really a house, come to think of it. More of a shack. Built by Mother when she first arrived, all on her lonesome. Just me with her, and I couldn’t even talk. But Mother was always strong, until…

Mother was so worried by those soldiers. When I told her, she started crying. I asked why. I asked if they had killed Father, if that was why he wasn’t with us. But that made her cry harder. I didn’t understand. But I guess one of them could have been Father. How would I know?

Then Mother went to the village square, and asked the Headman. He said the Daarians were just passing through, on their way to Na’ara. Mother cried then, too. The Headman looked at me, touched my hair, and said he understood. I didn’t. But I do now…

I hope we don’t invade. If I get conscripted like Father, and have to fight them…

I really hope we don’t invade.

0o0o0

It’s very strange, sifting through a person’s thoughts. Have you ever tired? Probably not. You humans with your lack of telepathic abilities are so disadvantaged. So anyway, after thinking about that interesting little back flash thingy, we tried listening in on some other conversations. There was nothing interesting, though, and Ky admitted that her ‘feeling’ was gone.

Listening done, Ky walked to a slightly less poisonous tavern and got herself roaring drunk. She eventually stumbled back to the palace and fell into her cot.

Senna was there, and I think she must have wanted to speak to Ky, but of course, Ky was not in a speaking state. After tending to her mother, Senna grabbed me instead.

“Rock-”

“I’m not a rock. I’m a stone.”

“There’s no difference.”

“Yes there is!”

“Nuh-uh!”

“Uh-huh!”

“Nuh-uh!”

“Uh-huh!”

“Nuh-uh!”

“Nuh-uh.”

“Uh-huh!”

“Ha!”

“… You’re stupid.”

“And you’re a fluff-brained demon. What do you want?”

“Why is Mommy drunk again? Has she always drunk so much?” How was I to explain this?

“Erm…”

“None of the other guards drink as much as Mommy does.” The brat was unusually perceptive. But I have always been very intelligent for a necklace.

“It’s because your mother was a con artist. Low lives drink a lot.”

“Ok.”

“Anything else?”

“Um… How long are we going to stay here?”

“What do you mean?”

“We’ve been here in this boring castle for months. When are we going somewhere new and exciting?” I take back what I said about perceptive.

“We’re staying here for a long time. We live here now.”

“Why?”

“Your mother, uh… Your mother thinks she’s too old for travelling around the world.”

“Why?”

“Because.”

“Because why?”

“Because.”

“Because-”

“It doesn’t matter!”

“Why?” Senna was grinning insolently. Wretched demon spawn.

“Go to bed.”

“Why?”

“Bed! NOW!”