Forever in Pink

Tyler sat on his bed staring into his fish tank. It was 4 o’clock in the afternoon; his dad was an hour late. Tyler’s dad has promised to come hang out with him that Saturday evening. Tyler packed his bags and thought about all the awesome things that he and his dad were going to do. Tyler’s mom and dad had split up when he was younger. His dad was not around a lot so it was a treat whenever Tyler got to spend time with him. He lay on his bed for another half hour, waiting and thinking.

All of a sudden, he heard the phone ringing, in the hopes it was his father. His mom picked up the phone. As Tyler still lay on his bed, he heard his mom slam the phone down and burst into tears. Tyler ran to his mom and asked what happened. She said sobbingly, “Your dad was in a really bad accident”. Tyler could not believe it. His mom hugged him and said, “I’m sorry, Tyler, your dad is dead.” Tyler burst into tears and could not stop crying. The police came over the next day and said they found a note in the car addressed to Tyler. It read, “Tyler, I love you and I’m sorry for doing this, but I’m gay and can’t live life like this. I know you and your mom would be better off.”

To Tyler’s surprise, he did not start to cry, but instead began to laugh uncontrollably. He thought this was the funniest thing since “Comic View”. His mother looked at him in a shocked way and asked to read the letter. She read it through and began to laugh also. Tyler looked up at her with curious eyes and she shouted, “He was always feminine, I guess I always knew he wanted to go the other way”. She tried so hard to control her laughter in one of those rare moments in which sadness escapes through shouting and laughter, when Tyler’s dad’s lover knocked on the door, after learning Tyler’s family found out about Tyler’s dad and his secret. He was tall with a pink and green silk shift on. His hair was combed to the side and his arms flailed when he spoke. Tyler was amazed by his actions and lack of any masculine characteristics.

Tyler just could not stop laughing. He and his father never had a good relationship so why should he cry? Tyler wanted to enjoy life. He asked the feminine man what his name was. He said it was Shaunquita. Tyler was confused how this man would have such a masculine and feminine name. Shaunquita had explained how his father was also gay and named him this.

“Named you? What do you mean named you? Did you have another name before or what?” Tyler asked angrily, his whole mind confused. “I think you misunderstood, Tyler, I meant my father,” he pointed to himself, “but your dad did have a lot to do with my transformation.” Shaunquita led Tyler to the sofa and looked directly into his face, “As a kid, I denied I ever was Shaunquita. I said my name was Shawn and I was straight, I dated girls, I played sports, I excelled. That is how I thought I was supposed to live, but secretly, I did all these things because my mom wanted me too. It was not easy for her having a gay husband who left her for her brother, and I knew she wanted a son who was normal, a son who would give her grandchildren. She loved me for being her hope of normalcy. In college, I still dated, but I did not enjoy it any more. I just did it because I wanted to make my mom happy and up to that point, it was all I knew.”

“Then I met your dad about 13 years ago”, his voice was weakening, “he changed everything for me. Your dad was amazing, Tyler. He showed me that I didn’t have to hide my true sexuality as a homosexual, and could let the world see someone I always was, someone who yeah, liked pink, Barry Manilow, and guys and didn’t have to be afraid anymore to be me. To help me with this innovation, he played me the song “I’m Comin’ Out”, it was his favorite”, he was sobbing uncontrollably now. “Sure, my mom was not happy with my decision, but she knew it was always in me. Your dad taught me to come out gracefully and be proud, too. He even threw me a coming-out party. That’s why I loved your dad, Tyler, he taught me to free myself from my lie and let myself into the sun.” Shaunquita had his hand over his heart, he held Tyler’s hands in his, put them to his own heart, and whispered with tears streaming down his face, “This is where he is”.

Tyler had to leave. He had no idea what to think, do, say. He never saw his dad, Tucker Marlon, as a life changer; to Tyler, he was his embarrassing dad who wore loafers, loved Tom Jones, and hockey. But was that a reason for him to take his own life? He could not live life as being gay, but he taught Shaunquita too and loved him, but he did not think his family could handle it? These thoughts angered Tyler, he loved his dad, but now he was gone, and his only memories were of a man who lied to him for fifteen years.

Tyler could not speak, he could not look at Shaunquita, and at that moment, he only saw Shaunquita as a freak. He went for a walk and his feet took him to his dad’s condo. He walked in, opened the door, and looked around at his dad’s belongings. There was a photo, from a few Halloweens’ past with Tyler’s dad as Miss Piggy and Tyler as Kermit. Should that have been a clue to his dad’s sexuality? There were framed posters of hockey players and ice skaters. Looking around at the condo, with its fashionable furniture and perfectly organized layout, Tyler knew all this was his dad, the man who harbored a secret that killed him.

Tyler made his way to his dad’s room, saw the perfectly made bed, and felt that his dad owed him something more than a note. On the bedside table, there were two tickets to tonight’s hockey game on the perfect cold, snowy night. Tyler opened the drawers and found pictures of Shaunquita and his dad at various events, a hockey game, ballet class, and a restaurant. Tyler stared at these images, hatred coursing through his veins. He was just about to leave when something on the dresser caught his eye. It was a letter and a picture of Tyler’s dad and Tyler as a baby. The letter was dated with the day after Tyler’s dad died. It was eerie and sent shivers up Tyler’s spine, questioning if his dad was still alive or not. The letter told Tyler to not be angry at him and that if he was reading this, Tyler’s dad’s pain had already ended, and his secret was a burden so heavy that no one would have been ever able to ease the pain.

Tyler stopped reading he did not want to know any more of the secrets and lies hidden in the grave of Tucker Marlon’s heart. He wanted to forget his dad’s existence. Tyler, sick at what his dad did , smashed the letter in his jacket pocket and left the condo. It was extremely windy out and the steady snowfall of before had turned into a blizzard. Tyler was running back home and did not even realize that the letter had fallen out and now lay open on the snow-covered sidewalk. Tyler would never know the last words of this letter that would have eased the turmoil of his emotional war. They said, “Tyler, I wish I had your strength in this time of my life filled with secrets and lies, you were the only truth I saw in myself, and it was because of you I knew my real identity, as your father who loved you more than you could ever imagine. You made my life worth living. Forever in Pink, Dad.”