Do you still remember the day we first met? I was crying my eyes out in the middle of the supermarket, all because my mother had lost herself in the crowd. After all, at the age of 4, not being able to find your parents is the worst thing that could happen to you. A sign of the apocalypse, if you will.

Just when I had given up all hope, you came zooming through the aisle, arms held out at your sides, pretending to be an airplane, your exasperated mother not far behind.I suppose it was lucky for me that you decided to land your airplane beside me, and ask, in that innocent little voice:

“Why are you crying?” Large blue eyes looked into my green ones, and I gave a little sob.

“I can’t find my mommy,” it was all I could do to whisper, I was in such a state of trauma.

Then, you simply stared at me for a few seconds, eyes wide with shock, and grabbed my arm, pulling me away with you. “That’s bad! We hafta go find her!”

“B-but….” My protests were in vain. You just kept on dragging me through the store, your mom humoring you by following closely behind, until I was able to pick out my own mother from the throng of shoppers.

I think, though I didn’t quite understand it at the time, I fell in love with you then.

Now, after 12 years of being almost constantly at your side, I can safely say that the thought of not being in love with you just seems wrong; an alien thought that my mind can’t even begin to process. Everything about you makes me happy: your smile, the way you manage to trip over your own two feet, those annoying bangs that are constantly getting in your eyes…..Saying that there was a single thing wrong with you would, to me, be one of the biggest insults I’ve ever heard.

Understandably, my heart broke in two you announced you had someone you liked. Not me, of course. The person wasn’t even remotely close to being me. I wanted to tell you my feelings so badly then, but……but I knew that it wouldn’t do any good. Even if you got over this little crush of yours, you would never feel the same way.

But I couldn’t give up on you. You meant too much to me, and even as time passed, I still loved you. No matter who you dated, no matter how many times you told me stories about the people you were going out with, I still loved you.

I know you’ll never feel as I do, but….is it so bad that I just want to be near you? If I can only see you smile, or hear you laugh, that will be enough. Because I love you. More than anyone else ever could. So I’ll take comfort in this fact, and have it carry me through my life, day by day. Even though I’ll never be the right one for you, just seeing you makes me love you all the more.

Perhaps if I’d been born a guy, like you, you would’ve loved me. But I can’t change who I am, no more than you can change who you are. And I don’t grudge you for that. I could never hate you, no more than I can hate the people you fall in and out of love with. I am not nearly that selfish.

Just…..smile for me every now and then. Once in a while, smile for me and me only, and you’ll make me the happiest girl alive. That’s all I ask of you.