Author: Limited Edition PM
What can you do about feelings you're scared of? Or feelings that would never be accepted? The story of five different people. yaoi, slashRated: Fiction M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 5 - Words: 9,280 - Reviews: 15 - Favs: 8 - Follows: 2 - Updated: 11-14-05 - Published: 11-13-05 - Status: Complete - id: 2047941
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
A reminder: the narrator changes in each chapter! That means "I" in the next chapter is another person! Please read and just drop a line so I'll know you've read it! ;)
You can find more information about this story on my presentation. Enjoy!
Spring was the season I hated the most. It's not warm and pleasant like summer, and not cold like winter either. You simply did't know what to wear or what to expect of the weather. And now the dew on the grass had made the ground into a mass of mud that squished under my green Converse shoes and stained the legs of my jeans when I walked.
I sat down on some stone stairs that seemed to have been redeemed from the rain that had poured down all day and stopped only an hour ago. I was sure it would rain again soon, but didn't bother to go home before it began. I rested my chin in my hands, wine red locks of hair fell down and blocked my vision. I sucked on a grass straw that tasted bitter and disgusting in my mouth, but that didn't stop me from chewing on it. I wanted bubblegum, but the convenience store was twelve meters too far away for my lazy feet. Bubblegum with strawberry taste...My mouth watered. I was quite hungry too. I wanted to eat sweet and fattening things. A hundred dishes came to my mind, like they always do when you're hungry. 'My brain is evil,' I thought and smiled to myself.
Fuck that girl, who needed her anyway? But I knew that wasn't true. I was on the verge of tears for God's sake! I took a deep breath, blinking away the salt-water that had gathered at my eyes. Calm yourself Sacrael, this feeling wont last for long. It wasn't serious anyway. She didn't take it seriously, even though I did. So it wasn't serious. No need to think about it this much. You'll be fine once morning comes. And don't go home when you're looking like this. People will worry. Elli will cry. Elli always does. Elli always looks for a reason to cry. Poor Elli...I'm gonna have to comfort him instead. I sighed
I mumbled to myself quickly and my thoughts didn't have any structure at all. It was starting to give me headache. I got up and stretched a bit before heading over the lawn to the house. Taking a deep breath, I opened the door.
"Shush!" Maion made a sign to me as to be quiet, his eyes focused on the TV screen, probably watching an old movie no one would understand but film-enthusiasts like him and me. I wanted to see this one too and I knew that he'd turn it on from the beginning and tell me all about it if I just sat beside him and let him do it. I knew everything would turn to normal if I just took those steps and did what I knew I should do. But I didn't do that. Instead I closed the door behind me as carefully as possible and headed for the stairs to reach my room.
I noticed Raphael in the kitchen putting the dishes in the dishwasher. His violet gleaming eyes caught mine for a second as I glanced at him. He smiled at me with his broad mouth. His smile was always so happy and it transferred that happiness to everyone around him. I smiled back, mostly because I couldn't stop myself. Then I went up without a word.
Raphael...sweet. I knew he hid something behind that smiling face, though it would never cross his mind to tell someone about it, and somehow it felt like I shouldn't ask. Maybe I had too much confidence in myself for thinking that he'd someday come to me and tell me the things he kept secret. I was so used to people doing that. I don't know why, but I've always had this ability to earn people's trust, even though I regard myself as a quite intimidating person because of my sudden outbursts.
The door to Ueriels room was open upstairs and he was sitting in there hammering away on his keyboard in front of the computer. Computer-geeks...! But at a first glance Ueriel looked like your average sports guy. He did like sports a lot, but his main interest was IT. Who would think that...I didn't say hello to him either. He probably wouldn't care whether I did or not, he wasn't much for saying trivial things.
Elli wasn't home...probably out partying again. That was for the better, I decided, because I didn't want him to see me now. Honestly I didn't have the energy for him at all at the moment.
I went to my room and flopped on the bed after changing out of my blue grunge shirt and jeans. Maybe I should take a shower? Sleep was far away from me, even though I felt so tired; the fatigue was mental. At last, I decided not to shower. It would be fine just forcing myself to sleep, and sleep did come when I laid my head on the pillow and stared at the red numbers of the digital clock lighting up the surface of a copy of Dostoyevsky's "Crime and Punishment".
She told me I'm not worthy of her. I knew this already so why was she telling me that again? She'd told me the exact opposite when we broke up, that I was too good for her, and it made her feel so inferior. It was all lies, or so I thought. It had to be. I had to forgive her for finding someone else. But why? Please tell me why. I didn't understand her at all. She had the best confidence I'd ever seen in a girl. But now she was telling me over and over, how much she hated me, how I'm not worthy of her. I'd always liked the type of girl that you wouldn't hate even if they did something like this, and now I couldn't hate her either, even though her words squeezed something in my chest, making my stomach churn. I knew she wasn't poisonous, I knew she didn't want to do this to me, but I couldn't help the way I felt. Please tell me why Heliya...
"You're abnormal Sacrael. Why can't you ever try to be normal for once? You never take me out on dates! I know you do, but not like that. Not with friends you know...My friends! Your friends are hell ass weirdoes like yourself. I don't like them and you know it." The voice rang cruelly in my ears as she had this dialogue with herself, answering things I wasn't even able to utter. She was telling me everything I knew she'd always wanted to say, but never did. She just let me know all these things with her glances and sighs.
Stop it. Stop it!
I woke up. I'd forgotten to close the window and now I was freezing. 'Oh please...somebody close that window. This headache is killing me,' my mind screamed. I closed my eyes, trying to ignore it, but then the sound of the wind stopped. A click. I wanted to open my eyes and see who it was that had closed the window, but my eyelids were so heavy, telling me to sleep and not worry.
"You're so careless..." A whisper in my ear, warm arms surrounding my waist from behind me, and a pair of lips against the back of my neck and then sleep won over me at last.
I don't know how all of us had ended up together in this house. It's an old house and it's been used by students before too. I got here quite late; I saw the ad for it and answered. Guess I was lucky since I didn't have to really search for a room and didn't have to share a room with another person. The rent wasn't cheap, that's why they tried to fill every room. It's actually a very likable house, even though the staircase creaks when you walk on it and the paint in the kitchen didn't look as fresh anymore. Maybe we should tidy it up sometime, but then again...who cares? But I like the pink blinding toilet and my room that's always too bright because it's facing north. More than that, I like our little group. It's nice. Nevermind Ueriel's always bad mood, Elli's cry fits, Maion's little late night trips to nowhere and Raphael's...Raphael's what? Raphael was too perfect...
Anyway, I liked it here. It wasn't much of a contrast to the life I'd been leading before this, just the lack of my parent's hawk-eyes I guess. And different friends. I missed my old friends. It was fun hanging out with them. To get the girls drunk and just be crazy all night without really anything to do, besides wandering on the streets without any real purpose except to be annoying. It was good now too, just in a different way, and sometimes nostalgia took over.
Opened my eyes to stare into his big pupils that were surrounded by violet, a big smile on his broad full lips. "Hey," he moaned,snuggling his face between mine and the pillow.
"I know. I know what she did..."
Another groan escaped me. It was morning and my room was brightly lit, because I'd forgotten to cover the windows last night. A dreadlock of neon green was caressing my throat and tickling it. I pushed it away.
"It's okay..." He pushed my head against his naked chest.
What the...? I pushed him away and looked at him. Raphael? What did he want? What was he saying? I rubbed my eyes.
He just looked at me and smiled.