Five

Dwarf awoke a few minutes later to the slamming of ‘his’ chamber’s door. He looked up, seeing the mage who defiled her manly body. He was adorably flushed, his lips even seemed a bit pinker than usual, though is mouth was set in a firm scowl, along with his eyes.

“Come, my lady.” The last part was said quite dryly. “We must be off. That is, unless you want to be taken captive by ‘your one true love’, as he put it. Asshole….” He muttered the last word, looking irritated and a bit protective of his princess. The latter part confused Dwarf, but he supposed it made sense. I mean, how many princesses can there be in Opherial? Surely they are in high demand. She shrugged, allowing herself to be pulled to the top of the tower. Then, with the speed of a tortoise on opium, she stopped.

“My one true WHAT?!? …And he’s a man? God, that’s just GROSS.” The mage merely smiled, glancing over at her flushed face.

“You forget yourself, princess. Was not your body made to accommodate a man? You know, your parts go inward, his go outward….” He trailed off, noticing the twitch that Dwarf had suddenly developed.

“…If you EVER, EVER suggest the idea of me having SEXUAL INTERCOURSE (god I can’t even think of it as sex) with ANOTHER MAN again, I will puke all over your pretty gown.” Now it was the mages turn to twitch.

“It is a TUNIC, goddamnit! And anyways, unless you want that jerkoff down there to come and ravish your girly ass, you’d better shut up so we can get out of here.” He pointed over the edge of the tower. Below, on the loamy forest floor, stood a man who looked nothing short of perfection. His hair was the color of sunlight and his eyes were of the purest springwater. His arms were toned, but not overly muscular, and tinted brown from hours spent outdoors. He wore a “gown” similar to that of Kaj, but a little more…form-fitting, as though it would split each time he took a breath.

Despite herself, Dwarf gasped slightly. “That is what we’re running from? He looks harmless….”

Kaj snorted, irritated by his princess’ reaction to the demi-god below. “Look, he wants to carry you off on his fucking white stallion, into the sunset, and take you back to his palace to screw you into the mattress. That’s all he wants. He’s Prince fucking Charming, for god’s sake! Who’s into that type anymore??” At that, Dwarf bristled.

“I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU JUST IMPLIED THAT I WAS ‘INTO’ HIM!!!” She screamed. Below, the Prince looked up and smiled.

“Hello, Fair Maiden! Do not fear, I will rescue you from this, this beast that has taken your lovely self captive.”

“….er….” Dwarf said, preparing her lungs for her upcoming outburst. “I AM NOT A MAN YOU RETARDED LADY-RAPING WANNA-BE PRETTY BOY!!!!” She turned back to Kaj, who looked fairly entertained at this point, but a little concerned about getting the hell out of there before Good Sir Prince decided to come get his fair damsel.

“I’m ready to go.” She said, tugging on the mage’s sleeve. “Fucking pretentious prig things he has to ‘rescue me’. Uh, hello, I could be out of here in an instant, if I wanted to!” Kaj shorted again.

“Then let’s go, Milady.” The chanted a few words that sounded vaguely like “caamora andelainian deca cajika” or something equally ridiculous. Dwarf smothered a giggle, suddenly irritated at having caught himself doing something so definitely girly. Before he could begin beating himself up about it, though, he was floating off through the air with Kaj, listening to the prince yelling after them in the background.

“I’ll get you, Fool Kaj of Candytwist Forest! For stealing my woman, the wrath of the kingdom shall come down upon you!” Kaj snickered in the background. ‘How melodramatic…’ he muttered.

A/N: Do not fear, my lovely readers… Dwarf will come around sometime. I decided I love this story too much to just leave it alone. Thus, I will attempt to update it every once in a while.