My neck hurts and aches, the raw muscle burning deep. I cannot think. I cannot move. I’m only surrounded by blackness. My head starts to spin, till I almost fall in dizzy incoherent thoughts. What was I doing? I blink, trying to clear the foggy film on my eyes. I wince as the light became brighter, and I became more aware of my status. I was in a room with walls white and bare. A bed stood at the corner with an open window. There was a table to my left covered with books and papers. I stared into the empty air, as I try to remember. My mind conjures images of my shaky movement and a bottle of alcohol in my hands. Almost immediately, I spot the littered bottles next to me.

Last night, I drank. I drank deeply. It was the first time I drank. I was intoxicated by the strong smell. Yet, when it came gushing down my throat, I spluttered. It was bitter. It was easier as the night passed. I guess I fell asleep in a drunken stupor. I have a headache now. I should never drink. I should never drink again, I thought. Still, my heart struggles. It knew that I needed it. If I could not drink, I could not forget. I could not forget the pain that clouds my heart. I want to cry. I know it is wrong. I never thought I would become an alcoholic, yet I did. I craved it like a newborn babe for its mother’s milk. I craved it like a fish need its water.

I was hooked. Briefly I thought to why I drank last night and how? I have never touched a drink till last night, but already I knew. I knew that I was fated to be drunk. It was a way to release my stress, my pain, the ache in my very heart. To drown off my thoughts in booze, so I could not think about anything. I think too much for my own good. I knew, I was killing my health, but I knew I was dying even without drinking. I was already lost in my mind. I was in the dark. Moaning, I close my eyes, as the hangover began. Last night, was the first of many to come. Last night, I was human.