Distant Drums

by fabian cortez

As a fluttering breeze

Your fingers caress me

Tracing my stomach

With tenderness

You whisper words,

How I long to feel

Their truth

-

Yet trusting in them

As I did once in naiveté

Youthful flesh soon learned

Its hardest lesson

& all the time, those same

Words were spoken

How hollow they

Seem to me

Now

-

I consider how I could

Never tell you, my thoughts

Wandering as they always do,

During sex; you kiss me softly,

So move lower to trace my

Now moist flesh with

Your tongue, lapping vigorously

Like a dog at his bowl of water,

Before returning to kiss me

Once more, as you raise my legs

About your shoulders

& enter into my used up cadaver,

You show devotion to

Every part of me, with

So little in return

-

I experience nothing, but

Disgust, as a record

Of my youthful torment

Is played over & over in my

Mind, like a stuck needle

On a record deck,

Yet, I so need to feel

Wanted, for my senses to

Respond as my

Body does

-

How helpless I am

In this world

Of distant drums, echoing

Their promise of euphoria,

Of hope, prosperity &

Love, just around the corner,

“Believe in yourself

& you can achieve

Anything”, so we’re told,

But what of being able

To love &

Feel loved?

-

It’s been said, if you’ve been forced upon

Yet kept your soul & haven’t given

It over, they haven’t really

Touched you, that you’ve

Somehow remained intact

& been strong, words like that,

Are just that!

Words

-

The people that wrote

Them, have been lucky,

Not everyone is,

I snap back to circumstance

& recognise you’re

Cumming, so fake it

As always, to protect

Your dignity, &

My own need for you,

In regularity, you don’t

Realise, how

Could you? after

All

-

Everybody needs someone

To love them, even if they

Say otherwise, sometimes

To avoid a life of

Loneliness we have to

Make-believe, I did

It as a child, still do

It now, then again,

It doesn’t really make

Much difference

Does it..

copyright©2005 fabian cortez