Chapter 4

January 2004 was destined, unfortunately, to be the most stressful month of the school year and would, as I soon found out, bring me to tears on numerous occasions.

I had recently made a list of all upcoming events that would be over by the ninth of February. I had an English project, a veteran’s interview for history, midterms, a district orchestra festival to attend for three days, and a four-day trip to Quebec in Canada. I thought that writing down the list on paper would make things manageable but it just brought more tears to my eyes and panic to my heart. I didn’t know how I would manage it all but I somehow kept it under the surface and hoped I wouldn’t explode.

By the time my trip to the movies with Mike, Sam, and Scott had come around, the district festival was over and so was the English midterm. This relieved some of the stress but it wasn’t over yet. The interesting thing was how Mike was affecting all of this. It shouldn’t have been a surprise that I didn’t want to do any of those things. Of course I didn’t. It would mean giving up some of the time that I had reserved for him. That was stupid, I thought at the same time. Why give up time for someone who hardly opens his mouth to speak? I hardly knew the answer, but I would find out whether or not there were consequences.

The Quebec trip was an interesting experience. I spent all three nights shivering in my bed reading a Seventeen magazine or working on the visual for my English project, due February second. The magazine interested me because of its horoscopes and love stories. Ever since I had met Mike I was obsessed with the feeling of love. I knew I was in it, in over my head, and maybe even too deep to get out, but would I want to?

Mornings in Quebec were awful. I woke up and dressed in the bathroom, and then my roommates Liz and Alex and I headed out into the hallway. I met up with my friend Elena and we all went down into the lobby for breakfast. The walk was short but I practically had to keep myself from falling down the steps because of exhaustion. The fact that there were fire extinguishers and alarm buttons on the walls didn’t help. They just reminded me of Mike and how much I wanted to go home.

What I remembered most about Quebec was the weather. It made the first night out with Mike seem like a mild winter. There was constant wind and snow everywhere. It was so cold I needed to wear layers of sweaters under a thick winter coat with a scarf, hat and gloves. Going to Quebec in January without those items was like committing suicide.

Unfortunately I was ill prepared in comparison to everyone else in the group. On the third day of the trip we went snow tubing in the mountains. This was not a good experience for someone like myself who chose to wear a pair of jeans in the snow. I spent most of the time in the bathroom rubbing my hands together and in near tears.

Elena thought I was being quite childish. “You wear warm clothes you will be warm!” She pointed out the obvious in her angry Korean accent.

I felt like snapping at her from inside the bathroom stall but I knew it was totally my fault. I just wanted to go home, I thought and was so glad when we finally boarded the bus to go back to the hotel. Two more nights until I saw Mike. . .

On the last day I was so excited I almost couldn’t eat my croissant. I shoveled half of it down my throat along with a glass of orange juice and left the rest to Elena. We followed some of the other students into the gift shop of the hotel and I set about finding some items for my family.

There was a coffee mug on one of the shelves and I picked it up, thinking it would be a good idea if I got it for my mom as a souvenir. It had the word “Quebec” on it and there was a picture of a city with lots of trees. Shrugging, I got in line at the register and grabbed a Quebec magnet on the way. My mom liked coffee so she should like the mug.

There was nothing else in the store that interested me and I didn’t see anything for Mike or anyone else I knew so I decided to leave it at that. We headed back up to the hotel room and I happily packed my bags, listening to Liz and Alex making fun of each other. I threw in a bunch of sweaters, cramming in my jeans on top and my scarf, which I would not need for the ride home.

Home. I was finally going home and back to Mike. It sounded selfish, but all I wanted to do was to go see him. Quebec was a beautiful city and I loved every bit of it. It was a great experience and I enjoyed all of our outings, such as the walk over the giant frozen waterfall, the walk downtown, the trip to the Sugar Shack, the Winter Carnival of 2004, and of course our tour guide Sebastian, who was more fun than a closet of board games. I had lots of good pictures too, like the fireworks from the carnival, our snow-tubing trip on the mountain, and the ice festival where I had taken a picture from the top of the giant ice castle.

Needless to say I was cold. I couldn’t even enjoy the Ice Festival because I was underdressed, wearing nothing over my legs but a pair of jeans. I spent most of my time shivering inside the building where the food court was. Otherwise Elena would yell at me for not wearing enough clothes so I avoided her at all costs, at least for that afternoon.

The bus ride home that night in February was terrifically uncomfortable. Curled up with my knees bent and feet on the seat beside me, my head lolled to the side on a pillow against the window, I tried to sleep. Elena was beside me listening to her MP3 player and people were reading books and talking quietly. The French teacher across the aisle talked quickly about her sex life and I twisted my head the other way, trying my best to block out the conversation. Not to mention the frequent bumps in the road. The ride was taking its toll on me.

We arrived back at the school at eleven o’clock that night and the moment I set foot in the house I began working on my English project. The following day I had to give a presentation on the book I had read: ‘Jane Eyre’ by Charlotte Bronte and I needed a visual to go with what I would say. I sat at the kitchen table while the rest of the house slept, coloring in pictures of clothing and writing down prices. Luckily I had been working on the paper while in Quebec so all that was left was to type it.

As soon as I arrived back in school, it seemed it was time to leave again. The week flew by and that weekend I had another trip to complete. My sister Alex, as an athlete, had to travel to New York City to participate in the Colgate Women’s Championship for track. We had gone to New York for this purpose several times before but this time it was an overnight stay and I knew as soon as I found out about it that I would miss Mike.

I brought the cell phone. I actually stole it from my mom because it was hers. When we arrived to our, quite literally, tiny hotel room, I immediately picked up the phone and called Mike. I told him about where we were and he asked when I would be back and if we could please do something. I really wanted to see him at that moment. I promised him I would call him when I got back. “It will probably be tomorrow evening some time,” I assured him. “Maybe we can do something with Sam and Scott.”

He seemed to like that idea. After hanging up, it was somewhat late and Alex was preparing to go to bed. She had a big race the next day, but even after she fell asleep, I stayed up. I listened to my CD player until my dad came in the room. “Go to bed!” he whispered furiously, “Alex has a race tomorrow. Don’t keep her up!” He slammed the door. I found it funny how he was making more noise than I was.

I dressed slowly the next morning and packed my book bag with things to keep me occupied for the race. It was going to be a long day. I threw in my book called ‘Gathering Blue’ by Lois Lowry. Normally I didn’t read fantasy but I had enjoyed the book so far so I had every intention in finishing it. I also put in my sister’s piece of crap CD player that I always used. I had a few notebooks too. Every little thing counted.

Madison Square Garden was big even though it wasn’t my first time there. I had been there several times previously and every time it was the same: loud. I walked into the indoor stadium and was nearly blown away by all the talking. I could see the track clearly as I walked along the railing with my mom. Alex was jogging along the outer lane at a nice easy pace. I smiled down at her, proud that she had made it so far and that I was her sister. In some ways I wished I was her, but in other ways not. I wanted to run well, but I also wanted to have a life outside of that, something I didn’t think Alex always had, sadly.

I took off my coat and rolled up the sleeves of my sweater. It was hot in Madison Square Garden. At that moment, I heard my mom’s cell phone ring and picked it up. It was Sam.

“Hey where are you?” she asked.

“I told you. I’m in New York City. My sister has a track meet today.”

“Oh yeah. Well, what time do you think you’ll be back tonight?”

“I don’t know. Six, seven maybe? Hard to say.”

“Do you want to come over some time tonight? Just for a while?”

“I guess so. You and Scott?”

“Mike too, if you bring him.”

“Okay. . .I’ll go ask my mom and call you back later.”

If my mom said yes, then it would be another great night spent with Mike, who I wanted to see quite badly. I wondered if Sam would call him and tell him. It was at that point that I decided to call him myself. Screw my mom’s low minutes. I missed hearing his voice.

“Hey Mike.”

“Yo.”

“I’m in New York right now.” I was out in the hallway away from the chatting crowds. Still, the people walking by the bathrooms and concession stand were quite loud too. I crammed a finger into my right ear.

“Yeah Sam told me. Are we doin’ something tonight?”

“Yeah I just talked to her a minute ago. She wants us to come over later.”

“What time will you be back?”

“I’m thinking hopefully by seven. But I’ll let you know when we get home.”

“Okay see you then.”

The day went quickly, much to my surprise. I was on my feet cheering as Alex reached the finish line, first of course, and was down by the railing next to my mom taking pictures as she held up a big gold-colored trophy at the end of the afternoon. This trip really was worth it, I thought, seeing the smile on my sister’s face. It didn’t really surprise me that she had won but it didn’t matter. I was still proud.

What annoyed me most about the trip was the ride home. I kept checking my watch and groaned when my dad suggested that we stop to eat. It was six o’clock when we pulled into the rest stop. “I’m getting some chicken,” Alex said as we walked inside. “You?”

I couldn’t have cared less if a giant meteor hit the building. I wanted to go home. “Um. Same I guess.”

We sat at a table next to a big row of windows that overlooked the parking lot. I stuffed a leg of fried chicken down my throat and guzzled my soda. My family stared at me.

Luckily the meal only took twenty minutes. Once in the car, the cell phone ring and I yanked it out of my pocket. “Hello?”

“Yo.”

“Yeah, I’m on my way home now. I asked my mom and she said she’d give us both rides to Sam’s.”

“Cool,” Mike said. “See you in a bit.”

“Yeah. Bye.”

“So where is this house again?” my mom asked, squinting her eyes through the darkness and slowed down at a street sign.

“There it is, make a right there!” I pointed and she turned quickly. Then she slammed on the brakes and I grabbed the dashboard. Mike was walking across the street in the dark. He wore his dark green coat, the same one he had tried to give me on the two nights out with Pat and Jen, and of course, his blue beanie. I climbed out of the car and into the back seat so he could have my spot.

On the drive to Sam’s house, my mom gave Mike the third degree. How old was he, what did he like to do, and what was firefighting like? “Mom,” I grumbled from the back seat but was ignored. Thankfully we soon arrived at Sam’s house and she and her questions were gone.

We heard Roo barking as Sam answered the door. I threw my arms around her and she smiled distantly. Sam had never been too affectionate toward me in terms of hugging.

We spent the evening on the couch. Sam sat in Scott’s lap and every time I looked over she was either hugging or kissing him, or both. Mike on the other hand, was completely engrossed in his new cell phone. It was a black Nextel and all I could see in the dark of the room was the green light coming from the buttons. “Look,” Mike tapped my shoulder and I leaned over. He had added me to his list of contacts under the name ‘My Baby’. I squealed and Sam had to tell me to be quiet. I laughed and then fell silent as Mike slipped his arm around the back of the couch where I was sitting. I felt him lean his head against mine and tenderly rub my shoulder with his knuckles. I turned my head slightly so I didn’t have to look directly at him. Fear took over me because I knew something was coming, something that I had never experienced before.

Sure enough, a minute later, Mike had moved his head down and began to kiss my neck. It shocked me so much I nearly jumped. Here I was sitting in Sam’s living room, in fact, right next to her on the couch, and I had a boy kissing me! After a few seconds, I began to panic. I didn’t know what to do. Nothing like this had ever come close to happening to me before. I didn’t know if just sitting there would seem mean, or if reacting would be too bold, so I just leaned my head back a bit and let him continue. Sam was looking over at me but quickly lost interest and became engrossed in her own boyfriend. Soon the room was silent and dark except for the TVs quiet murmuring and the faint light it spilled onto us.

With my hand on the back of Mike’s neck, I stared at the TV, still unsure of what to do. I heard Sam giggling over my shoulder but didn’t move. Even if she was laughing at me, I wasn’t about to ruin the moment by turning around. Besides, I was sure she wanted this as much as I did.

When he felt he had done it long enough, he looked up at my face and pushed some hair out of my face. I could tell he wanted to kiss me, to give me an actual kiss on my lips, but I didn’t want to just yet. I was far too afraid because I didn’t know how to kiss. It was like a totally new concept, something I had never come even close to experiencing, until now of course. So when he tried to draw my face closer to his, I turned my head slightly to one side and looked at the back of the couch. He tried several more times to get me to look at him, but finally he gave up after several minutes. I supposed he didn’t want to force me.

Soon Scott’s parents called and requested that he come home. He and Sam went outside together to wait, and I was left alone with Mike. I smiled shyly as he stroked my chin and we both stared at the TV to avoid awkwardness. When Sam returned, I looked up and as she went over to the computer. “I’m mess with Scott’s head,” she said, as if something like that needed an explanation. I watched her sign onto his buddy list and add and delete screen names as she pleased. It was quite amusing, and Mike and I both stood up to watch.

“You realize he’s going to kill you for that?” I pointed out. I didn’t know about Scott in particular, but I had over a hundred people on my buddy list and I wouldn’t appreciate someone messing with it if that had been the case.

“He’ll never know,” she said gleefully. “Will he?”

I wasn’t about to tell him. I noticed Mike standing next to me. After a minute of standing together, he lifted an arm and put it around my waist. I remembered a day at lunch last week. “I hope you don’t mind him,” Jen had said, “He’s a very touchy feely guy. Just a warning.” Well, she was right. Not that I minded. I guessed it wouldn’t take long for me to get over the initial shock of having a boyfriend. After all, we had met almost exactly a month ago. I didn’t expect to be too much closer to him at that point. Love, I had always assumed, took time.

My mom soon came to pick us up. I said goodbye to Sam while hugging her and disappeared out into the freezing February night. The ride to Mike’s house was nearly silent. My mom asked what we had done, to which I had lied, saying, “Just watched TV.” There was no way I was filling her in on the details. We pulled up to the red traffic light on Somerset Pike and sat waiting. I sat in the back behind Mike, a small smile on my face as I looked out the window at the bare braches on the trees and remembered the evening. I thought about the kiss and I could still feel his lips against the side of my neck. It was almost as if it was still happening.

That night I felt the same as I had in the car. I ran a hand up over the side of my neck, feeling my skin and imagined the moistness that had been there as he kissed me. This was the start of something big, I thought as I drifted off, something huge.

The next few days of school went quickly. The following week began the carnation sales. The flowers could be bought in the cafeteria for one dollar and would be sent with a card to the person in homeroom. I had never received one and never sent one so I decided to pay the one-dollar fee and give a carnation to Mike.

Valentine’s Day fell on a Saturday that year so the carnations were given out on Friday. As I rounded the corner in the English hallway, I saw Mike coming the other way, a small red flower tucked behind his ear. A smile immediately found its way onto my face.

Mike held out his hand to me and I took it. “Aren’t you supposed to be going to English?” I asked as we turned around and started walking to my first period math class.

He shrugged. “My teacher won’t care,” he mumbled.

I didn’t really believe that teachers didn’t care. It was more so that Mike didn’t care. I could tell he was not academic and already we had established who was smarter. Still, there was something about him that I truly adored.

Math class that morning was pointless. In my mind I saw Mike while everyone else saw numbers and shapes. I doodled pictures of hearts and squiggly lines in the margin of my paper while Mr. Dinkins droned on and on about the volume of a sphere. I was more focused on my weekend plans and getting through the next six periods then I was on geometry.

The rest of the day was similar. I saw Mike after French and then walked with him to wellness and from wellness to my locker and to the cafeteria. Lunch that day found me eating my way through a bag of cheese its and staring around the cafeteria, bored. Fridays were usually like that.

When the final bell rang I shot out of my environmental science class and headed for my locker. The weekend was finally here. Tomorrow was Valentine’s Day and I would get to see Sam, Scott, and Mike. The plan had been for us to stay at my house for the day and watch movies. It sounded fine to me, I thought, as I headed out to the waiting line of buses.

“What am I going to do?” I moaned. “I can’t think of a thing!”

We were standing in the Eckerd pharmacy debating what to buy. All kinds of Valentine’s Day toys surrounded us. There were boxes of chocolate shaped like hearts, bags of candy, and teddy bears everywhere. I didn’t even know where to start looking for a gift for Mike.

Sam stood next to me picking at her fingernails. “Get him candy,” she advised. “That’s what I’m getting Scott. Guys love food.”

I couldn’t argue with that. She had a very good point. “So what do you think he’ll get me?” I asked.

She shrugged. “What did you ask for?”

I thought a minute. A few days ago Mike asked me what I wanted and I had said flowers. “Do you really think he’d get me flowers?” I asked.

Sam rolled her eyes. “You asked for flowers Katie?”

“Yeah. So?”

“Nothing.” She shook her head. “I didn’t say anything.”

“What, is there something wrong with wanting flowers for Valentine’s Day?” I asked, sounding slightly hurt.

“Of course not.” Sam picked up a stuffed dog off the shelf. It was white with red spots and its tongue hung out of its mouth. “Adorable!”

“Are you going to get it for Scott?”

“Of course I am!” Sam had a big grin plastered across her face. “He’ll love it!”

I didn’t see the big deal in a stuffed dog, even if it was cute. Still, I kept my mouth shut. I wondered over to the display of Valentine’s Day cards and searched through several candidates. I finally found one, white with a red heart and lace on the front, and a long meaningful message inside. It sounded good to me. I chose a dark pink envelope to match and made my way over to another aisle where I found a wide variety of stuffed animals. Sam stood several feet down hugging her choice animal. Smiling weakly, I shrugged and started going through the selections.

At home, I pulled two blankets out across my bedroom floor. “So what do you think tomorrow will be like?” I asked, tossing two pillows aside.

Sam shrugged.

I couldn’t understand why she wasn’t excited like I was. I had always thought that Valentine’s Day was pointless: a joke of a holiday. I didn’t have a boy in my life to call my own. I certainly didn’t know what love was. Here was my chance. I would get to spend Valentine’s Day with Mike and it would be the best Valentine’s Day ever.

The next day we awoke early and showered. I had my outfit picked out from the night before. It was a brown tube top that tied in front and a white skirt. I wasn’t planning on going outside so I figured there was no harm. Sam borrowed a black skirt from me and a top with brown and red mixed together. We made our way downstairs to where my mom was in the kitchen.

“You look nice,” was all she said. She probably thought we were being stupid.

“Thanks,” we said in unison and walked the rest of the way down the stairs. “What do we have to eat?” I asked.

“Not much,” she answered.

“Are there pizzas in the deep freeze?”

“I think so.”

“We have to feed three other people.”

“I know.” My mom poured herself a cup of coffee and took a sip.

“I have movies,” Sam offered. “When they get here we can pick one.”

“Or we could watch all of them,” I said gleefully.

“How are we going to do that in one day? I have three movies!”

I shrugged.

Soon there was a knock at the door. I held my breath, but it was only Scott. I think he was surprised to see us all dressed up. He gave Sam her gift right away. It was two stuffed teddy bears and when she pressed their noses together they lit up. The room was filled with squeals as she jumped into his arms. I stood awkwardly by, smiling and waiting for Mike to arrive.

I was standing in the kitchen talking to Scott half an hour later when I saw a car drive past the dining room window outside. It stopped at the mailbox and I turned the other way, smiling.

“Katie, Mike’s here,” Sam was saying. She walked into the front room and stopped. “Holy crap!” she exclaimed.

“What? What’s wrong?”

There was a knock at the door and I froze in place. “You can answer it,” I squeaked.

The door opened and Mike said hello. “Holy. . .crap!” Sam was saying the entire time and Scott was practically in tears from laughter.

And then Mike came around the corner and was in the kitchen. Only I couldn’t see him because he was behind the biggest vase of flowers I had ever seen. They were big red roses to be exact, and they were every bit as beautiful as I had hoped.

My jaw dropped. Mike put the vase carefully on the counter next to me and sighed. I stuck my head up to the flowers and smelled. They were delicious and soft to the touch. I couldn’t believe what my eyes were telling me. They were the most beautiful flowers I had ever seen in my entire life.

Suddenly I was on him. My arms went around him and I hugged and hugged, thanking him over and over again. It was the nicest gift I had received since I could remember.

“You’re welcome,” he told me, cautiously hugging me back.

My mom walked into the room at that moment. Her eyes nearly popped out of her head when she saw the vase of flowers. “Mike gave them to me,” I said, smiling my appreciation at him from across the counter.

“Those are so beautiful,” she commented, running her fingers over the soft roses.

And they were all mine. My first gift from Mike had been the surprise of my life. I couldn’t see him at all behind the giant vase of roses when he had come through the doorway into the kitchen. He stood by now, shyly looking over at me every now and then, his hands in his pockets. As I looked back at him, I wondered what kind of things the day held.

We started with a movie. Since we couldn’t pick which movie we wanted to see, we watched all three: Silence of the Lambs, Hannibal, and, for some humor, Legally Blonde. My mom was really into the whole deal. She kept bringing us food: pizza, popcorn, and soda. Scott had a box of chocolates as a gift from Sam and I reached over every few seconds to steal a Hershey kiss. He didn’t seem to mind.

The movies were interesting to watch, but I was more into the fact that Mike was sitting next to me than anything else. He held my left hand, his thumb rubbing my wrist constantly, and I watched it happen, chills running up and down my spine. I had never been this close to a boy before. It was something new.

I looked over at him every now and then but he kept his eyes glued to what was happening in the movie. As time wore on, I found I kept wishing that he would at least look at me. It was driving me crazy, like having a cookie waved in front of my face and not being able to get at it. It was driving me crazy and there wasn’t much I could do about it. I knew I had to wait out the movie like this and then maybe something would happen. Maybe.

“Who wants food?” my mom called from the kitchen. I knew we’d have to go get the food ourselves. My mom had no intention in serving us like a waitress. As I was the hostess, I took that into my own hands and delivered pizza one slice at a time. When the pizza was completely consumed, we settled back on the couch. Mike had a strange sad look on his face, but as he saw me looking at me, he straightened up and smiled.

Time passed. That evening came. Sam and Scott had moved from the couch to the armchair in the corner and Mike had just changed his position so that his head rested on my lap and his body was stretched out over the couch. Sam and Scott were talking and then Sam approached me. “Katie I gotta tell you something.” She took my hand and pulled me up, forcing Mike to get up as well.

“What is it?” I hissed once we were safely near the corner of the room.

“You should try to kiss Mike,” Sam whispered back and my jaw dropped.

“Who said?”

“Scott thinks you should. Why not?”

“If Scott asked you to set fire to your own house, would you?”

“Well no but-“

“I don’t think I’m comfortable doing that yet.”

“C’mon Katie, you KNOW you want to. Somewhere in there you do.”

I crossed my arms and sighed. Maybe she was right, maybe she was wrong. I hardly knew. I will admit though, as I looked back at Mike sitting on the couch, making it quite obvious that we were talking about him, a bolt of curiosity shot through me. What was it like to kiss someone?

Sam let me go back to the couch with a small smile on her lips. Mike laid his head on my lap again and I looked over at Sam and Scott, who were both staring at me from the armchair. Mike had his eyes closed. Now was the perfect time to do it. Just a little peck on the lips and they would all be satisfied, I thought to myself. It was such an easy task, so why was I struggling so much to do it? Just a little kiss, I thought and leaned down. My hair fell across my face and I pushed it out of the way. Then I planted a small kiss on his lips and quickly pulled back. Mike’s face held no expression. There was no way for me to tell if he had enjoyed it. Still, my heart was racing and I at once realized I had liked it. I looked over at Sam, who nodded.

More minutes rolled by as Mike stayed in the same position. Sam was talking to Scott about school. “And we’re learning to do CPR in wellness class,” she told him.

“We should practice,” Scott mumbled and they both looked over at Mike and I.

Mike sat up for the first time in fifteen minutes. “What?”

“CPR,” Sam repeated. “You know what that is. You’re a firefighter.”

“I know,” Mike blinked. “Whadda you mean practice?”

“You know . . . “ Sam rolled her eyes. “You guys are the victims.”

“But Sam,” I protested. “I’m not sure I’m-“

But it was too late. The boys were already interested in the idea, and there was nothing I could do to stop it from happening. They laid across the floor behind the couch where I had been sitting and started the “CPR”, which, for Sam, included pumping her hands up and down on Scott’s chest and then kissing him deeply.

This is retarded, I thought. Why am I doing this? I looked at Mike who was in turn looking up at me expectantly. Sighing, I started the chest compressions and when it was time for the kiss I leaned down and pecked his lips again. I couldn’t bring myself to do as Sam was doing and to give him a deep kiss. It was beyond my level of comfort. I couldn’t wait until this little ordeal was over.

By the time Sam and Scott were picked up by their parents, I was keeling over with exhaustion. Still, I stood in the front room waiting with Mike and when it was time for him to go, he offered me a hug and a kiss, and it was then that I knew I wouldn’t be able to sleep that night.

AN: Well this is all I have for now. I’m planning on making this quite long, so for all you loyal readers out there…thanks! Okay, so more later. Bye!