Today's October 6th

Your birthday's in four days

It doesn't take much to remind me

But I'm also reminded of some nights when you thought I wasn't there

I can still see the night you came in with McClure

Another night when you left with Boone

Guess I really should've known when you started spending

All those weekends in another state with a guy named Tracy

I feel so dumb

And more than a little numb

From my fall from denial

I finally landed straight into reality

I didn't want to see

I didn't want to know

But then that day I couldn't lie anymore

I don't want to lie

I'm not gonna cry

I just want to know why

I don't care that you liked us both

Just that you had to go for the ones already spoken for like Ty

I feel so dumb

And more than a little numb

From my fall from denial

I finally landed straight into reality

I didn't want to see

I didn't want to know

But then that day I couldn't lie anymore

I don't mean to do this days before your birthday

But I had to get this off my mind

Even if only for a night

I miss the way you were when you were with me

But I'm hoping for the day when I won't have to miss it anymore

I feel so dumb

And more than a little numb

From my fall from denial

I finally landed straight into reality

I didn't want to see

I didn't want to know

But then that day I couldn't lie anymore

Author's Note:

I wrote this one on October 6, 2004 & I was in sort of a strange place that day. I knew this guy's birthday was coming up & I hadn't seen him in over a year & all these images from nights passed came into my mind & I wrote a song about it. Basically he was bi & trying to pretend to be straight & that's not even what I cared about, that's not what inspired this song, just that he wouldn't tell me & that I had to find out like I did. I'm over it now, but I wasn't then & the reason I've posted this is so others in similar situations know they're not alone & yes, you can get past it, but I won't lie, it will take time.