There's an empty part of me
it makes my eyes brim with tears
and my throat tightens
just imagining what could've been there.
There's a specific cause, I'm sure...
because I'm weak...
I'm not dependent on a guy...
but
I'm alone and entirely vulnerable right now. I'm the one Joker
in the deck of paired-up cards.

It's not you.
There's nobody specific to fill the place
the place where "you" is supposed to be sitting.
It's the lack thereof of "you."
A "you" for me to protect and display merciless affection for
A "you" to embrace me when I cry--
seldom but heavily.
I'm independent and lonely
and this is the disadvantage.

The couples holding hands--
A love note in a locker
Romantic kisses and perfect sunsets andhappily ever after
beautiful days with a lover who's always there
Perfection.
It's not real, is it?
How could I have thought
that I could be the Sally slash Snow White slash Betty in Velcro shoes
slash gorgeous, fortunate heroine with a true love triumphin the end?
I'm sick of biding my time
like Ekins the snake in a game of Pokemon Yellow
(I play that angrily as I think of you).

I'm going to puke
because I've got a pain
and maybe if I can purge this empty space from my system--
then maybe I'll never hurt like this again.