Post-Dawn: Memento

Micro opened the door to her house with quiet discretion. Her aunt's piece of shit smart-car was in the driveway (fuck, how she hated those things), which meant she was home and probably drunk. Micro didn't feel up to dealing with an interrogation so she snuck in through the back entrance and up to her room.

She laid down lazily on her bed and tried to reach Kasey over the tel-wave, but he didn't answer.

Probably ersatzing again, she thought. What an Im' addict.

Micro clicked on her holovision and channel-surfed for a while. The Global Electronics Network. The Implant Channel. Cylebrity TV (Ooh, System's Error is performing...mmm, Syke GIGO is max thermal.)

After about half an hour, she turned it off. She was distracted. It had been bothering her for the past two days. She had slept with him. With Zeke. Sure, she had been on drugs at the time, but that didn't make up for it. The bottom line was she had fucked the best friend of her pseudo-boyfriend. It was just like old times, like a year ago.

But things had changed now, Kasey had changed her. She wasn't so reckless, acting like she didn't care whether or not she would wake up the next morning. As much as she tried to hide it (she had to keep her reputation, after all), she felt good around Kasey. He wasn't like the other guys. And now she was screwing it up.

Why Zeke? Well, he was cute, for one thing. Really cute. Micro had never met a boy so beautiful who wasn't a queer. She suspected that he was very aware of his looks, and that he was fond of using his femboy appearance to draw girls in.

But that was just it. All Zeke really had was his looks. He wasn't much of a good guy, he had said it himself. He was a drug dealer, of all things. All that mattered to him was a good sale and good lay. So, why? Why had she caved in and had sex with that smug bastard? Maybe she was trying to sabotage herself. Cut things off with Kasey before they got really serious and she had to deal with that stupid 'being in love' thing.

Micro sighed. She hated thinking about it so much. She wasn't supposed to feel like this. She was Micro fuckin' Tamsen, the Glitch Bitch herself. Girls like her didn't have emotions, they didn't care about breaking boys' hearts or causing dispute between close friends. All they were good for was parties and drugs and sex and booze.

She rose off of her bed and sat down at her desk. Her computer's neon green monitor hovered idly, awaiting some kind of attention. But she wasn't interested in using it at the present moment, she wanted to do something else. She reached into one of her desk drawers and pulled out a small disk labeled "ANDY". She pushed a button on the circular display console beneath the holographic monitor and popped the disk in.

A few moments later, the flat rectangular screen melted away and took the shape of a miniaturized rendering of a young man. He was lean, raven-haired, and in the middle of playing a wave guitar. The hologram of the man turned his head up, noticing her, and stopped plucking at his guitar's simulated strings.

"Hey, Mick. How's my baby sis doin' today?" he asked.

Micro crossed her arms on the desk and laid her chin on the back of her hands. "I don't know..."

"Aw, come on. I know you only put this in when something's really bothering you. Tell your big bro what the problem is," the hologram coaxed.

"You don't fuckin' know anything, you're a fuckin' program," she said back, but without emotion.

"Ooh-hoo," it exclaimed, "and swearing, too. Icky Mickey must be real blue!"

Micro made a face. "You know I hate it when you call me that. You've been callin' me that since I was four..."

"I thought I didn't know anything?" the hologram smiled.

Micro did her best not to smirk. "I miss you."

The pixelated young man cast his eyes down. "Yeah, I know, sis. But, come on, what's bothering you? I made this for you because I wanted to be there when you needed me...even if I really couldn't be."

"I..." Micro started, "I think I fucked up, Andy."

"Why? What is it?"

"You know that guy, Kasey, I've been seein'?"

"Yeah, the guy you said spends too much time in the Virt. What about him?"

"I cheated on him."

Andrew's face didn't change. It wasn't a glitch; Andrew had never been one to judge her.

"Oh...you mean you -- ?"

"Yeah."

"Oh..." the hologram stared up at her, hesitant.

"With Zeke," she said, answering the question before it was asked.

"That drug dealer?"

"Yeah."

"From the city?"

"Yes! Yes, okay?"

The hologram paused. "Sorry, it's just...why?"

Micro sighed irritably. "I don't know why, Andy. I was...I was swimmin', I guess..."

"You were on drugs?"

Micro was deadpan. "I know that's not a surprise to you."

"I guess not. But I thought you said you were done with all of that."

Micro looked away, bit her lip. She suddenly felt very lonely.

"I thought I was, too. I don't know. Maybe I'm doing it on purpose."

"You mean setting yourself up?"

Micro nodded.

The Andy hologram sighed. He was silent for a while, as if thinking. But really the machine was just running through the memory program Andrew Tamsen had installed when he was alive, trying to match up a response that he would have given his sister himself.

"Listen, Mickey...I know you've had it rough. What, with what happened to Mom and Dad...and then having to move in with Aunt Ava...and then...me...but -- "

"Andrew, it wasn't your fault. You had no choice, you got draft -- "

" -- Mick, let me finish," the hologram interjected, holding its tiny simulated hand up. "What I was saying was, I know you've been through a lot for the last six years or so, and I know you went through that whole rebellious, self-destructive phase, but now you seem to have a guy who really genuinely cares about you, who doesn't want to use you or lead you on...and all I can say is, you can't let your fear of being close to someone control you. You remember that when day Mom and Dad left, and Dad and I were getting into it like usual? After we found out what happened I just couldn't stop wishing I could've made up with him, been...closer to him, you know? That stupid fight of ours...I can't even remember what it was about now."

"What does that have to do with me and Kasey?" Micro asked. She wondered for a second if the mementograph disk was dirty or scratched up.

"All I'm saying is, don't miss the opportunity to show someone you care about them. You of all people should know, sis. It can be gone in a flash."

Micro stared at the tiny representation of her brother. A smile spread on her face and she felt as if he was almost really there with her. In contrast, she felt that familiar pang of sorrow at the realization that he wasn't.

"Thanks, Andy," she said.

"Anything for you, baby sis," the hologram replied.

Micro pressed the button on the display console and the image of her brother deflated, evaporated into digital dust. Moments later, her monitor reappeared, hovering expectantly.

Micro laid down on her bed again, trying not to think, just taking in her surroundings. Her room -- reality -- she felt, had a sense of fabrication to it all. She was there, but something just didn't feel real. There was something missing, a layer of existence that had long been misplaced. As a result the world seemed grainy, two-dimensional. At that moment, she could understand why Kasey immersed so much, why Zeke did all those drugs.

We all have our own ways of escaping...

Micro heard her aunt call from downstairs, agitated at waking up sober, to start dinner. Micro sighed, rolled off her bed, and made her way towards the kitchen.