Damned Man.

So. How does it feel?

How does what feel?

You know to be… Well, to be you.

Um, It feels very Me-ey. Is that a good response? Is that what you want to hear?

Please sir. You agreed to an interview. You know how to cooperate. You know what we want to hear. I’m on a schedule and I would appreciate it if you don’t waste my time.

So you want to know how it feels to be me then?

Yes.

And I can’t just say Me-ey. Or like me. Or anything like that, right?

Correct

So you want to know how it feels to be the man who killed his own wife in self-defense? The man who killed his wife because she was threatening him at gun-point and he‘d just realized after ten years that she‘d gone mad? The man who actually killed his wife and didn’t do a damn thing wrong?

And not only that but also the man who had sex with a thirteen year-old girl not because he wanted sex at all but because she said she’d kill her little fucking self if he didn’t? The man who watched the girl kill herself anyways after he had performed the horrid deed?

The same damn man who almost went to jail twice, once for killing his wife and once for ‘raping’ and ‘killing’ a thirteen year old girl. How does it feel to be this man after being cleared of all charges for a second time? The man that no one in the world would trust their daughter or even their son with? That’s what you want to know? Is it?

Well… sir… Please.

And not only that but the man who made it through all of it without blowing out his fucking brains? The man who wasn’t traumatized by traumatizing events? Because yes that girl was my favorite student for three years and that wife, Well I actually fucking loved her! You want to know the man who was stronger than steel, because what other metal could make it through all that without bending or breaking in any place? You want to know what it feels like to be that man? To be me?

Sir… Well. Yes. That’s what we want, but could you tell us a little more calmly? For the listeners? They really do want to hear your words, but we don’t want to edit it all out.

Well, to put it simply, it feels a little bit like being a crack.

What?

It feels like I’m a crack, a crack in the un-cracking wall of heaven. That’s what it feels like.