Five figures clad in black burlap robes stood, with heads bowed around the bonfire. A group of thirty in the same garb formed a circle around them and bellowed a bastardized church hymn, which praised the devil’s agents. The five produced flasks of oil from under their robes and danced around the flames, spilling the liquid in their path. The five joined their chanting brethren in the circle and hurled the half empty flasks towards the edge of the fire. The paths they created with the oil erupted into a burning pentagram, etched in red on the earth. As the chant reached a crescendo, the inferno blazed higher and turned orange.

When the hymn ceased, the five stepped forward once again, and beseeched Satan to bring forth a demon to wreak havoc upon the world. The fiery pentagram leapt from the earth and was assimilated into the pyre. A silhouette of Satan’s minion appeared in the flames and materialized into our realm. The fiend wore a light pink, loose fitting tank top, and a pair of baby blue shorts cut at the mid thigh, displaying a vomit-inducing amalgamation of leg hair. The slave of the devil wore a red sweatband as his crown, which was situated over a brown afro. The cultists completed their Machiavellian plans and the world of aerobics would forever be shifted into an activity of evil by the effeminate hand of Richard Simmons.