Moment of Bliss

Maybe I shouldn’t have done it

Maybe I shouldn’t have decided

To light the picture aflame

But I’d made up my disoriented mind

The emotions askew and awry

I dropped the canister of gasoline

Thinking I’ve emptied it in the trashcan

With the rest of our pictures.

The match was lit next

And through the sudden pain, I realized

I’d made a mistake.

In a burst of light and color

The flames had consumed me.

Surrounding my feet in a whirl

Before climbing my jean clad legs

Like a scared cat up a tree.

I screamed with pain and surprise

Stumbling from the can.

My eyes filled with tears

Burning from the smoke and heat.

My legs felt like they were being pealed

The skin right off of the bone.

I dropped to my knees

The fire in my hair.

The intense pain

Worse than any emotion

I’d felt from our break up.

When all had gone still

But the flames still dance bright

I no longer felt pain

And only the emptiness which is dark.

The bliss was there

But short lived.

I was brought back to reality

One so painful and scornful

And felt the intensity of my mistake

In the third degree burns

Decorating my body.

The doctor’s had told me

As I’d found by ear

I’d never see again

And I’d have a heavily scarred body

To live with for the rest of my life.

I had heard my mother crying

By my side always for the next few days.

She told me she loved me

And I was lucky to be alive.

I couldn’t speak still

As it was still painful.

If I were able to I would’ve said

That I wasn’t lucky to be alive

And I’d rather be dead.

The pain was gone now

But the numbing was unbearable.

I couldn’t see

I could barely speak

And my body was weak.

It was not a miracle to be alive

That small part when I’d been unconscious

Had been the little bliss.

Had I had a choice

And it was possible in any sense.

If I could do it again

I would either never do it

Or do it right, and end all pain forever.

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Robin's Note: Ghetto, I know. Tell me what needs to be done.