It is a sin to feel this way
It is a sin to watch you throw your life away and to want to stop you
Because happiness is all that matters
There is no greater good than happiness
How could I not have seen that?
Of course I want you to be happy
Forgive me for being so blind
I’ll welcome him back into the family
I’ll look the other way when you sleep together
Because I’m just being selfish
How dare I think you’re doing something wrong?
It’s not wrong if it feels good
I am learning memorable lessons
I have your blessing to pursue dysfunctional relationships
I have your blessing to abandon my children when they most need me
I can break promises when it suits me
I’ll get away with it too
I’m looking forward to being an adult
Fuck responsibility when I can be privileged
I know you felt it when he made her cry
You see people around you who are helpless and you have to step up to take care of things
Unless you’re the one that hurt them
Then you shrug it off
Can’t let family get in the way of happiness
Water is soft unless you slap it
I told you I’m not very confrontational unless I have to be
So I hurt your feelings and you pretend to use mothering techniques to reproach me
Spare the rod and spoil the child
I’m just an insolent little boy who wants his mother unhappy
The best way to solve problems is to ignore them
And when they get worse, act surprised
How many times did you repent from even knowing him?
So I now have your permission to give my children an inconsistent life
And I’ll do whatever I feel like
I start to cry when they think it’s unfair
I’ll promise to keep my lover out of my children’s lives and feel no particular qualms about breaching that contract
Go ahead and talk to him on the phone while you and I are supposed to be spending time together
When do we ever get to be alone, mother and son?
Time together has to be special
But it isn’t
We need to take someone else along
Pretend he really isn’t here, then pretend I’m not here, then pretend you’re not here
I get to be alone again
I already am alone every other day
But on special days when we get a chance to spend time together, I’m even more alone
Because you clearly love all of us
Love goes out to everyone
So much love that you are willing to alienate your children
I have your permission to do whatever the fuck I want, in Jesus’ name, Amen.
Because Jesus died to turn life into a party
And then he rose from the dead so he could boogie too
The gates of hell shall not prevail against the discotheque
Peace, compassion, and free love
You knew I wanted nothing to do with him
But I have to know about him
I have to listen to you make fun of him and then tell him you love him
You brought me up to be better than this
I was raised to respect the unrespectable men in my mother’s life
I’m supposed to trust people that will never change
Then we come to a standstill
I know I’m right and you know you’re right
Neither of us has a defensible position yet we fight to the death
Being happy is so much better than being compassionate
You don’t have to care how many times you tear your family apart
At least I have a role model for how to be responsible
Fuck responsibility when I can be privileged
If you’re going to be a mother, you have to be a mother all the time, not just when it suits you