“Where are you going?”

I paused as I opened the door and glanced back at Derek, whom I'd thought was still asleep. “I'm meeting Melody.”

He sat up and smirked. “You've been 'meeting Melody' a lot lately,” he said, using air quotations as he spoke.

“Not that much. Don't worry, school's still my top priority.”

“Yeah, as if I'd have any worries about your academics. If I had your brain, I wouldn't study half as much as you do.”

“Derek, the only reason I do as well as I do is because I study so much. Maybe you should give it a try.”

“Fuck that,” he muttered. He ran his hands through his wild hair, ruffling it even more as he yawned. “I got better things to do.” He saw my sour expression at the thought of Courtney, whom I hadn't spoken with in a couple weeks since her rude reception toward Melody, and he sighed. “She's coming over later, man. Your silent treatment is upsetting her. Just do me a favour and drop it.”

“If Melody was the one being rude to her, you wouldn't just drop it.”

He looked at me pointedly. “Melody's not your girlfriend as you keep telling me, and I'm also not good friends with Melody. Court's your friend and she's upset. Please Carter, just let it go.”

“Maybe,” I replied, knowing full well I would at least drop the silent act, but only for his benefit, not hers. “I'll see you later.”

I left our dorm and headed across campus to our designated meeting area which was the entrance to the library. We'd only hung out a couple times since the initial date and although it was pretty clear that we weren't just two friends hanging out, nothing substantially couple-like had emerged on any of our dates. Nothing apart from the flirty banter and flirtatious looks she was constantly sending my way, anyway. Every time I wanted to touch her or even kiss her, something held me back.

I knew it was a fear of moving too quickly and ending up in a serious relationship, which was the last thing I needed right now. Not only was I struggling to keep up in my classes, I was pulling in more hours than ever before at the library thanks to a shortage of funds at home, plus trying from a distance to deal with the tension between my siblings that was developing at home.

Each time I saw Melody, I took it as my opportunity to forget about all that drama and just relax. The only other time I got the chance to relax was when I found chances to steal time in the music room. My plan today was to combine them both in an effort to get her to loosen up a bit more.

Although she had seemed more relaxed around me the last couple times I'd seen her, she still seemed guarded. I had yet to actually see her seem like she was genuinely having fun.

“Ready for this?” I called as I reached the bench where she was sitting.

She casually looked up at me and squinted from the sun. She shielded her eyes with her hand before smiling warmly. “For what? You still haven't told me what we're doing today.” She held out her petite hand gracefully, waiting for me to help her up.

I didn't pause a moment before grasping it and pulling her up. I caught her when she stumbled.

The nervous giggle that escaped her lips as she broke away from me and brushed her pants was the sweetest sound. Melody rarely cracked a smile and a laugh was even rarer, but a giggle was completely out of character for her.

She cleared her throat and clasped her hands together. All evidence of the giggle and smile was gone except for the remaining twinkle in her deep blue eyes. “So, what is this surprise?”

“I'm going to share a secret of mine with you.”

“Intriguing. One secret? So there's more than one?

I chuckled. “Maybe.”

“I don't have any secrets,” she declared.

“Liar.”

She smacked my arm. I caught her hand and we linked our fingers together. It was only the second time I'd taken the risk of trying and the former time had been to calm her nerves when we were trapped in the elevator.

I led her through campus, a contented silence falling over us.

She glanced at me curiously as we entered the music department building. I didn't say anything as I led her through the halls searching for an unoccupied room.

Upon finding one I led her in and closed the door behind us.

“What are we doing here?” she asked, looking around the large room.

“Sometimes I come here. Well to one of the empty rooms, to play. I wanted to show you.”

“Play what?” she asked, a hint of a smile playing on her lips.

“Piano. I've played since I could really. The ones here are much nicer than the rundown one I have back at home.”

I led her across the room before letting go of her hand and seating myself on the bench. “This,” I told her as I placed my finger tips on top of the piano keys, “Is my secret. Only Derek knows I come here, and now you.”

“Why is it a secret?” she asked, still standing behind me, peering over my shoulder.

I shrugged. “Maybe secret is not the right word. It's more like a part of my life that I keep to myself.”

“Play something for me,” she requested softly.

I didn't object as I began to play a quiet melodic tune. I felt her hovering behind me, listening, as I played for a solid three minutes. When I finished all was still in the room, nothing but the sound of her steady breathing to be heard. I glanced over my shoulder and found her gazing at nothing, completely spaced out.

“Hey,” I nudged her softly.

“Hmmm?” She turned her gaze to me. She sat down next to me without another word.

We sat silently for a few extended seconds, watching one another. There were moments like this one with Melody where neither of us needed to say anything out loud; unspoken words drifted between us and no verbal clarification was ever required to know each other's thoughts.

Just when I decided to make the first move, she beat me to it. Her lips met mine and without hesitation I answered her kiss.

I'd never experienced anything before like that kiss. It was electric and pure at the same time. When she finally broke the kiss, breathing heavily, she let out a short, nervous laugh.

After catching her breath she looked up at me with a small smile. “You're everything I always believed I would never want and now you're all I want,” her truth spilled from her quickly and a tinge of red graced her cheeks. “I guess that's my secret.”

“Not anymore,” I told her, knowing how hard it was for her to tell me exactly how she felt. I kissed her then once more. When the second kiss broke, I realized what she had said applied for me as well for different reasons.

The one thing I didn't want was to find myself in a relationship. I didn't need that distraction, nor did I have much time to have one.

But there was no way I could let her go.

A relationship was everything I never wanted up until now, but all I wanted was her. To be with her, to know her, to never let her go.

“Melody?”

“Yeah?” she answered softly, her innocent gaze upon me.

“I...” started to say but was interrupted by the door opening. A few students filed in, some glancing at us curiously. “We have to go now,” I told her.

We rose and left the room, our hands finding their way to one another without either of us consciously making the effort.

“What were you going to say?” she asked as we left the music building, our hands tightly clasped.

“Oh, it was nothing. What do you say we head back to my dorm? Watch a movie.”

Melody hesitated, and I caught her look of uncertainty.

“Just a movie,” I reassured her. “And maybe a bit of this,” I said, pausing our walk, and kissing her. “If you'll let me,” I told her.

She gazed up at me, a hint of a smile in her eyes. “What about your room mate?”

“Derek? Don't worry about him. Trust me, he owes me, many times over.”

“Okay, I guess,” she reluctantly agreed.

I glanced at her as we continued walking toward my dorm. I couldn't read what caused the reluctance in her voice.

Upon entering my dorm room, I was surprised to find it empty, with Derek gone.

Melody settled next to me on the bed and we began a debate on what movie we should watch. It wasn't long before it became clear to both of us that we were not going to agree on a movie. It was also clear to both of us that we were refusing to agree because neither of us really wanted to watch a movie, although we left that unspoken as we bickered good naturedly back and forth. And I think we were having fun with our bickering; it was something we were both good at.

I squeezed her hand and grinned at her after I'd sarcastically said something negative regarding her movie taste. She laughed and her other hand clasped my arm in a cute gesture.

Derek and Courtney chose that moment to enter the room. Melody stopped laughing and abruptly dropped her arm to her lap.

“Oh, hey. Sorry, I thought you guys were out for the day,” Derek stood awkwardly just inside the doorway.

Courtney hovered behind him, looking even more out of place than her boyfriend did.

“No, it's okay. We were going to watch a movie, but I don't think we're going to,” I explained to them as Melody sat mutely next to me.

“We could all watch a movie... maybe,” Courtney spoke up tentatively.

Derek glanced at his girlfriend and shrugged. “If you guys don't mind, I'd be up for that too.”

I didn't want to leave it up to Melody because of course she'd feel pressured to say yes but I also didn't want to say it was okay without confirmation that it really wouldn't bother her. Earlier in the day, I'd once again specifically told Derek that Melody was not my girlfriend but now I wasn't sure how I would describe our relationship. I'd wanted to verbally confirm it with her but we'd been interrupted in the music room and I'd lost my bravado.

“Doesn't matter to me,” Melody said and shrugged.

“Okay.” I nodded to Derek who grabbed a movie and put it into the dvd player.

Courtney and Derek settled across from us on Derek's bed, with Courtney stealing glances at us once and a while.

The awkward nature of the entire situation weighed heavily on my mind throughout the duration of the movie; and I had no doubt that I wasn't the only person in that room who felt the tension. However, I was fully aware that Derek was my best friend and Courtney was a really good friend, when we were speaking that is anyway, and so it made sense for all of us to hang out together. And since Courtney appeared to have something against Melody, or at the very least some major reservations regarding her and I, I could only assume that the awkwardness and tension would not dissolve immediately and would take some time to resolve.

When the final credits rolled on the movie, I excused Melody and I from the room as politely, but hastily, as I could. Melody bid both of them goodbye, but only Derek offered a reply as Courtney sat next to him, her head bowed.

I rolled my eyes and pulled Melody from the room.

She waited until we'd left the building to speak. “That girl hates me.” I was surprised by the sadness in her voice as she stated it.

“I don't understand what her issue is,” I truly was puzzled as to why Courtney was reacting so negatively to Melody's presence.

“Whatever, I'm used to it.”

“Used to what?” I asked.

“People disliking me. It's pretty much a normal thing with the general population for people not to like me.”

“Why would you say that?”

She glanced sideways at me as we walked down a paved pathway; darkness beginning to fall upon the campus as evening set in. “Are you serious?” she asked.

“Yeah.”

“Carter, do you even know me?” She stopped walking suddenly. “I'm not well socialized. Do you not remember how horrible I've been to you? I'm not a nice person. Therefore it should never surprise nor bother me when people react abrasively toward me. I deserve it.”

“Courtney has absolutely no reason to be acting the way she does toward you! Don't put yourself down like that.”

“Why not?” she frowned, unable to meet my gaze any longer.

I had the urge to say something humourous; to remind her of that time in the elevator and tell her she was just looking for flattery but I also had the brains to realize that this wasn't the time. It didn't take a genius to realize that what Melody was saying was what she actually believed about herself.

“I don't know all of you. But I want to. And I do know this, you are not the horrible person you seem to believe you are.”

Melody nodded, biting her lip. She took a moment to compose herself before looking back up at me. I could see the faint hint of tears lingering in her eyes. “I think I'm just going to go home now.”

My heart quickened from fear. “Okay.” I had thought our revelations and stolen kisses earlier had moved our relationship to another level, but in that moment I was worried that what had just taken place had taken us two steps back.

“Can I see you tomorrow?”

“Really?” I asked hopefully as my heart rate returned to normal.

“Yeah. I mean I have classes until four thirty but I would like to see you after that.”

“Sure, definitely. I'm not done until six thirty but I could come by and pick you up about seven?”

“Okay. My room number's 308, Venice Hall.” She stepped closer to me. “So it's a date?”

“Yeah.” I smiled at her, forgetting for a brief time what I'd just learned about her. Our parting kiss wasn't as passionate as the ones earlier that afternoon, but it was sweet and difficult to end as I didn't want to stop kissing her.

When she walked away from me, I watched her go; worried for the first time about her. Before when I'd been worried, it had always been regarding how I'd feel if she decided she hadn't or didn't want to date me and also worry about us not working out. But this time, I worried only for her.

Melody presented herself as a strong, fiercely independent woman; aware of herself. But after today, I was no longer sure that the girl I was dating even knew who she was or what she had to offer.

It was then that I became more aware to of just how different we were. We came from completely different backgrounds. We were raised with different morals and values; although my parents hadn't really instilled anything of the sort in me as I was growing up. I really haven't pinpointed how I didn't turn out to be a completely disturbed, messed up person, and the only thing I can assume is that every other authoritative figure in my life (teachers, neighbours, etc.) had succeeded in steering me away from a path riddled with various life failures.

Melody's lack of a solid identity didn't change how I felt about her at all. Because I was falling for her, and I was seeing her in a different way; I could only wish for her to see herself the way I did.

-

Just before seven o'clock on Thursday evening, I found myself standing at the door of Melody's dorm room that seemed more like a high class hotel than a dormitory compared to mine. I'd never picked her up at her place before, she'd always requested that we meet up somewhere.

I knocked on the door and waited, listening for any sign of movement within the apartment.

I didn't catch any but the door swung open and a petite, fair-haired girl stood before; a bright smile lighting up her face. “Can I help you?” she asked politely.

A girl with raven black hair walked by the door and glanced at me, “Not for me but damn I wish you were.” She winked at me, and began to eat from the ice cream container she was holding.

The blonde turned away from me and must've gave the other girl quite the look because the girl eating the ice cream made a face, rolled her eyes, and exited the room.

“I'm sorry about her. Who are you?” the petite blonde questioned.

“Carter. I'm looking for Melody.”'

Her eyes widened slightly but she composed herself quickly. “She's here, come in.”

I followed her into the apartment.

“Melody,” she called down the hallway.

Melody appeared out of the door at the end of the hallway. She approached me coyly. “Hey.”

Author's Note

So this chapter probably isn't that thrilling, but really it's the first chapter in a year and a half for this story. I've obviously been in a rut, I'm just trying to get myself unlodged. And I think this is a start. Thank you to everyone that's stuck around to read this update.