|Life Beyond These Walls
Author: PARTY MONSTER PM
[M/M] COMPLETE! Samuel is forlorn after the passing of a loved one...read and review, please.Rated: Fiction M - English - Tragedy/Angst - Words: 2,405 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 3 - Published: 12-17-05 - id: 2071625
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Hmm...just a quick story I felt like doing. I wasn't too sure what to do for the title, but there it is. I think it should be explained in there...so...yeah. But to think I could've lost someone I loved just like this is quite scary. Anyway, I started this tonight, and finished this tonight, god knows why. Just felt like it. And now I can say I have a complete story in here...Read and Review please, and tell me if there are any mistakes. Thanks.
Life Beyond These Walls
"You'll do without him." I heard him say, but it didn't quite get to my head the way I thought it should have. It was supposed to go through my ears…through some nerve…to my brain. And then the thinking was up to me; to figure out what he was talking about. As it turns out, I couldn't even think for myself at that point. Blinking, I stared dizzily up at the blank ceiling, wondering why there were walls. The point of walls is to hold up the ceiling, right? But…without walls, there wouldn't be a ceiling in the first place. So it goes from the floor…to the walls…to the ceiling. "Get up. You can't keep doing this. Snap out of it already. Life will go on, and you'll find someone else."
You keep talking, but the words only float around in my mind, like a puzzle that I have to solve…a word puzzle, with too many words for me to comprehend when my mind is somewhere else. His eyes were like glass; like the glass windows. So it goes the floor, the walls, the windows, and the roof. He is the walls, and his eyes the windows, that everything seems to go through, as if he sees all, but it goes right through him, like words go through my mind. I'm like the ceiling, and the walls hold up the ceiling, with windows in between. Without the walls, there is no roof. And his eyes were between us. "Sam, I'm going to leave if you don't at least get up." When you talk it gives me headaches…just to think about what you're saying.
Do the walls talk to me like these ones should? The walls used to talk to me…him; the walls and the windows. I can talk to the windows, and breathe on them, with fog coating them in a circle before it slowly disappears. Breathing on his eyes? That doesn't make much sense. But with my breath close to him…my eyes staring into his…
"Sam…" he's smiling softly…beautiful smiles. I love you.Green eyes curved up with his smile, not a smile so big as to make him squint, just to curve them a bit. "Your skies aren't blue anymore, Sam. Look, they turned gray…"he laughed softly, and I smiled back at him, pulling myself away from his body and looking into the mirror. My skies were gray. "See?" he smiled from the floor, his feet bobbing up and down on the tiles, and I went back over to him, leaning over him and kissing his nose.
"Yeah, I see." Words…pieced together…
Words pieced together, like piecing puzzles together: sentences, phrases…words. A word alone is only one word, and that word can be defined by itself, or be simple, and easy to understand, not like a jumble of words. A language consists of all the words, all the sentences, all the phrases. Numbers were an entirely different thing, and they were kind of like an alphabet, but they don't have an 'alphabet' name for numbers. Do they?
I am the ceiling, and above the ceiling is the roof…which would be…my mind. I am the ceiling, the roof, and the skies. The skies are gray. The skies are my eyes. They turned gray… Yes, they did. And they'll stay that way until I have you back again. Does a sky need walls to hold it up? No, it has something like…the ozone layer that compacts the world together in a big ball. I don't know if that's what it really does. What about the sun? The sun is an entirely different planet, but the sun shines through the windows onto the floor. He was the floor, the windows, and the walls. I'm lying on the floor, because the ceiling has no walls to hold it up anymore, and the sun isn't shining through the windows, because the curtains are down, like his eyelids. Without walls there are no windows, though, so they're really gone, and the curtains take their place instead. "Sam, STOP!" Rick rushed to my side and smacked me across the face, tears dripping onto my eyes and stinging them; I blinked the salt away. He leaned over my figure and sobbed, but nothing made much sense, still. He'd only said two words; one my name, the other…a plea. "Sam…don't do this to us." He cried, and Beth's sandals flipped against the hardwood floor as she stepped closer, kneeling next to Rick and placing a hand on his shoulder.
"Rick…leave him be for a while. He'll get better, right? Come on…" she whispered and I gave her one solid look in the eyes as hers met mine. She looked down at the floor again and took Rick's hand as she stood. His eyes bore into mine and his frown remained as tears streamed across his face. "Rick." She said softly again, and he stood with her hand in his, and they walked out of the house, leaving me lying on the floor in the stark light that made rays from the bathroom where Laya and Ben sat together. My head rocked back and forth on the floor, and I stared at the ceiling again. Stomach grumbling…
"Eat up!" he smiled and softly giggled. I cringed at the strange looking collaboration of noodles and vegetables on my plate. "Hey, I made it, and you were hungry, so eat!" he sat and started chewing on his own food, and I tilted my head at mine.
"…What is it?" I asked and picked at it with the fork, making half of it collapse. He smirked and shook his head at me, swallowing his own food before he spoke. Eating at his place was weird.
"Casserole, stupid." He joked, continuing to eat. I hesitated, but eventually stabbed some of it with my fork and held it in front of my face, wagging it back and forth. He glared at me from across the table and I smiled sheepishly, shoving it in my mouth. Mm, not bad.
"Hey, this is really good!" I exclaimed with my mouth full, digging more onto my fork. Swallowing, I shoved some more in my mouth and it all melted together beautifully on my taste buds. I could've drooled.
"Eugh…pig." He laughed to himself and I laughed too, almost choking on my food. Nothing tasted better than his lips, though…
Nothing ever did taste better than those lips, or his tongue, for that matter. Things were starting to make sense to me. Laya came out from the bathroom holding onto Ben's hand, and she sat down beside me, her hair falling across my face as she sheltered it with her hands, a sorrowful expression. I shifted my head sideways so her red hair didn't tickle my face like it did, but she set it straight again, looking into my eyes. She had a way of making things the way they should be. How were things supposed to be?
"Samuel, you're pathetic." She spat in my eye, and I blinked again, wiping the disgust out of my blurry sight. I blinked a few times more until it really went away. "Get up." She demanded, pulling me by the arm. Finally, I just let go, and I cried, throwing myself at her lap. She sighed and stroked my hair, a tear of her own falling onto my head as she sniffed. "Hey, you know it makes me cry when you do…" she whispered, but I don't think she really wanted me to stop. She knew this was better for me. Sobbing between chokes of breath, I tightened my grip on her pant-leg, punching and hitting her, weakly. I swallowed my breath down and coughed again, choking as tears ran furiously down my face. More tears fell onto me now, and she lightly clutched at my hair, getting further down on her knees to lean over me and rest her chin on the back of my neck, stroking my back. "I'm so sorry, Sam..." she whispered, sniffing again.
"Don't…" he whispered between cries, and I took his hand, flipping it over. He really did do it. "I'm so sorry, Sam…" he whispered, sniffing again. A tear fell down my cheek and I quickly wiped it away, pulling him close to me and kissing the top of his head, stroking his bright blonde hair gently. When he'd calm down a bit more, he looked up to me and I half-heartedly smiled down at him, kissing his forehead. "Your skies are still gray…it's my fault, isn't it?" he sniffled, wiping his nose. I shook my head and smiled honestly this time, leaning down and kissing his cheek, staring into those wet, emerald windows, ones covered by soaked eyelashes when he blinked.
"I love you…please don't hurt yourself again…" I murmured, lingering my lips near his. He nodded and wrapped his arms around my waist, hugging me tight, rubbing his face into my chest. "Promise?" I asked, and he nodded again, looking up and placing a soft kiss on my lips, slowly. It was the first time he had kissed me. "Let's go, love."
"Let's go, Sam…it's only hurting you more to be here, I'm sure. Do you need a second by yourself, hun?" she asked, smiling and rising from my back, patting my shoulder lightly. I nodded and she kissed my cheek, standing and leading Ben out of the dark house. I was alone now, and I lifted my head to view the blank walls, where no pictures hung anymore, and no furniture stayed in the entire room. Slowly, stumbling, I got to my feet and chewed at my fingernail.
Strange…it was strange being in this empty place, where memories echoed off of the walls of so many times we had together. I almost never wanted to leave, but I wanted to stay there and listen to his voice bounce back and forth in my head, and see his face, his smile, and his eyes. More tears welled in my eyes, and they dripped into my hands, which I held in front of me. Not a single tear would drip to that floor…everything had to stay the same as it was when he was here; no tears.
Stepping over into the washroom, I stared into the mirror that I'd stared into with the same gray eyes only a week ago…they were never blue skies again. I wanted my blue skies back, the ones that depicted my happiness and love for him. I still did love him, but I couldn't be happy, because I knew he was fading by last week, I just didn't think he'd actually go. That's the thing, when you don't expect it, it always happens. Well, it happened. Angels came and picked up his soul, his entire being…stole what I had left of him from this world. They couldn't have been kind this one time and let him stay. But who would that be kind to? Me or him? Me…and it was his choice; his life. If he was happy, he would want to stay, and they'd give him another chance, but he didn't want to be here…and they knew that. I knew it when I saw him there…
"The world…" he choked and coughed up a speck of blood, smiling and gazing up at the ceiling. I hovered over him, shaking with sobs and pleas, begging him and shaking my head back and forth, never-ending. "The world can't go on without..." he coughed hoarsely, louder and louder, and I sobbed into his cheek, kissing him and stroking the side of his face. "They can't go on without you…and your blue skies…the world can't. You have to keep going, Sam…because I love you." He whispered and coughed up more blood, his head lolling to the side. I clutched him back again and sat him up against the tub, shaking my head, kissing his forehead, wiping his soaked hair back from his face. He slowly blinked to closed eyes, but I shook his head between my hands.
"No…no, Haley, stay here with me. I can't live without having your love here with me. Just loving me in heaven isn't enough, don't you see?!?" I begged, kissing his cheeks over and over, touching his face and his hands and his arms, all soaked in blood. He shook his head and smiled as if he was going some place wonderful; the same place that horrified me and haunted me in my dreams. "Haley!" I screamed, sobbing again and kissing his dry lips, ones that hung open with no movement, with that cruel smile. "They can't take you from me…" I muttered, and looked him in the eyes before they looked up the ceiling again.
"They already have, Samuel. Isn't it wonderful? They're so beautiful, Sam, I wish you could see them…so…beautiful." He smiled and his eyes remained permanently on that ceiling. His dry lips were caked with blood, and I clung to those lips as long as I could before I knew he was gone. Shutting my eyes, I held tight onto his body and sobbed into his bare chest, kissing the last of his life away.
Blue skies, smiling at me...nothing but blue skies, do I see...
"I love you so much…"