This is a song-fic kinda thing about my family. With the exception of the phone conversation me and her have at the end of the fic, everything else is real. I changed the lyrics a little bit, but the song is ''When I'm Gone'' by Eminem.

(Just so you don't get confused, my mother's name is Kim, my stepdad's name is Ben, my aunt and uncle's names are Jessie and Kevin, mine is Amber, and my brothers and sisters are BJ, Marliyn, Christa, Douglas, and, unmentioned to the story, Ethan.)

Have you ever loved someone so much you'd give an arm for

not the expression, no, literally give an arm for

when they know they're your heart

and you know you're their armor

and you would destroy anyone who would try to harm her

"Retarddd!"

"Loser."

I glance up at Marilyn, who looks at me helplessly as, once again, the kids on the playground began to throw rocks at her.

"HEY" I yell, standing up quickly. "KNOCK IT OFF."

One of the kids is in my grade, they look at me and raise their eyebrows. "What're you gonna do about it?"

I take a deep breath, then jump into the air. When I come down, I land on him and begin to punch him with all my strength.

"Mother fucker," I mutter, standing up and taking Mari's hand.

"They always make fun of me," she whispers. "They always make fun of all of us; they say we live here with Uncle Kevin and Aunt Jessie because we made Mommy and Daddy hate us."

"That's not true," I say softly, though it adds yet another bullet on my list of why I hate my parents. Times get hard, they ditch the little ones on my aunt and uncle. I have always hated my stepdad, and now, my mom is on the list as well.

but what happens when karma

turns right around and bites you

and everything you stand for turns on you to spite you

what happens when you became the main source of her pain.

"Mom hasn't called them in a month," I say to my grandma as we cook dinner.

"I wonder if they still are staying in the motel," my grandma mutters.

"Doubt it.. the only income they'd have is if she's out sluttin herself.. but then, that wouldn't surprise me.. stupid bitch." I turn to throw away an empty can when I see Marilyn staring at me from across the room.

She has heard every word.

where's mommy? i can't find mommy where is she?

i don't know, go play baby, i'm busy

i'm writing a song this song aint gonna write itself

i give you one under dog and you gotta swing by yourself

"Amber, where does Mommy live now?"

"I don't know, hun, go on outside and play, ok?"

Marilyn sits down across from me and watches me. I'm writing a song for my friend's band to sing at their concert next weekend, but it's hard with the constant distractions, aka the kids.

"Amber, will you swing with me?"

"I can't," I say exasperated, "Pleeaaase leave me alone?"

She sits in silence. I look up and see tears streaming down her face.

"Ahh, Mari," I say gently, hugging her. "I'll push you in a minute, okay?"

She nods and smiles. We do our 'secret' handshake, and I watch her walk out the door, when I have a good idea for a new song.

I never did push her on the swing.

then turn right around in a song and tell her you love her

and put hands on her mother whos the spittin image of her

"Does Mommy hate me?"

"Noo, of course not.. she's just.. messed up in the head, you know?"

Marilyn sighs. "I don't get it.. she doesn't seem messed up."

"Well, hun, your dad kinda.. brainwashed her, I guess you could say.. she's just.. she's messed up."

The phone rings, and I pick it up.

"Hello?"

"Amber. Let me talk to the kids." It is my mother.

you're making mommy cry why why is mommy crying?

baby daddy aint leavin no more daddy you're lyin

you always say that you always say this is the last time

but you aint leavin no more daddy you're mine

daddy please daddy don't leave daddy no stop it

goes in her pocket pulls out a tiny necklace locket

it's gotta picture

this'll keep you safe take it with ya

Marilyn gets off the phone, sobbing. "What?" I ask, alarmed.

"They're moving again, and they said they can't tell us why. Mommy was crying.. Daddy said this was the last time they would move, that they would be able to take us back in a few months."

While I am hugging her, my grandmother sticks her head into the room.

"Amber," she says, "Kim wants to talk to you."

i look up its just me standing in the mirror

these fuckin walls must be talkin cuz man i can hear em

"What do you want?" I don't bother being polite.

"Listen to me, I want you to stop planting ideas into Marilyn's head, things like we don'-"

"BUT YOU DON'T!" I'm pissed now, and she can tell. "YOU KNOW WHAT? Yesterday, Douglas was crying because he thought you hated him. Christa said 'They don't hate us' and you know what Marilyn said? She said, and I quote, 'Yes they do, because if they cared about us, they would have us living with them.' Does that not affect you at all?"

you've got one more chance to do right and its tonight

now go out there and show'm that you love'm 'for its too late..

There is silence on the other end.

"Well, what do you want me to do about it?"

When I finally speak, I don't sound like myself. "Start acting like a mother or get out of their life forever. It's your choice."

We never heard another word from my mother again.

And when I'm gone, just carry on, don't mourn
Rejoice every time you hear the sound of my voice
Just know that I'm looking down on you smiling
And I didn't feel a thing, So baby don't feel no pain
Just smile back