A/N This would be the first chapter to Josh's story, sort of how he gets over Kates suicide, also here is where several stories mix in.

Ax from Gina is a music producer that will work with the band

Trick is their Guitar tech

Puddle of memories, Gina, Sandra, Freaks to you will all have a bit to do with this.

Handbook to a Suicide

He finally had it all success, love and millions of adoring fans. He blinded himself to the same signs his best friend would not see, he would never accept that next to him or Derek she was still just as jaded.

They had so much in common; they both loved the sight of their blood bubbling out of their skins, they both would die before hurting a friend, they both loved with more than their hearts and souls, they both where scared, they both where weak but he survived and she didn’t.

He felt he let her down, she had saved his life once really was a simple mistake but still she walked in on the precise moment. He had never meant to go that far; all he wanted was to see more blood. She, she meant to go that far, she made sure no one would find her and that the time was right.

She took a shower and wore the pajamas he liked so much, she combed her hair and died it all black just like he liked, cleaned her skin and put the sweet lotion he bought her, sat on the soft bed she had chosen for their room, the bed they had yet to use. She left no note, she said no goodbyes, the signs where there obvious to who wanted to see and she didn’t feel like adding to their guilt.

She pulled the pills out, pills she didn’t know why she kept, pain killers for Derek’s broken arm, sleeping pills Josh no longer took, Xanax that was prescribed for him two years ago after his failed attempt. When she started her collection she wasn’t sure for what, she just picked a pill from here and there set them in her music box hidden from view.

She organized them by size from big to small, she poured some pills she had no clue what they where from a child proof orange bottle and then she watched as the bottle slid down the bed to the floor. One by one she swallowed the pills half way through she ran out of water and passed them down dry feeling the chalking taste in her mouth, the last pill went in with shaky hands.

She lay on the bed in the room she had chosen to be white. She felt the wind blow through the open window and closed her eyes thinking they’d blame the picture, a picture had nothing to do, it was the loneliness the despair the fact that she felt she wasn’t worth anything. 21 and she had nothing left to give.

He walked into their house and yelled ‘honey I'm home’ the empty house echoed the words. He ran up the stairs and into their bedroom, soft white drapes pointing towards the bed. A chill ran down his back.

She looked like an angel her pale skin against the white bed her deep black hair contrasting with everything around it, she looked peacefully asleep. He wanted to kiss her awake like a fairy tale but instead of the sweet warm lips he was used to he felt the cold sour taste of dead. Jumping back he crushed the bottle that once contained the venom that put her to an eternal sleep.

“Kate sweetie stop playing wake up, I came for you "he held her cold hard body against his chest.

He laid in their bed with her lifeless body in his arms until, their friend found the macabre scene.