But:

It was never supposed to turn out this way.

I mean, sure I had suspected it, but I never thought that it would come out.

I just read something that could change something with someone that I thought things were going good with. I don't really want it to change, but a part of me just wonders if it was only working so well because of what that someone wrote.

But I actually don't know if I believe that... of it's simply an excuse.

This is confusing me. I don't like getting confused. It messes with my head.

I wish that I could talk to him right now. But he's not online and that's the only way we've ever really talked.

I could email him, but I want to do this right.

But I guess I need to think first. About what I want to say.

Because otherwise I'll say something stupid. And things will fall apart.

And I don't want it to be like that.

In some other time, in some other life, maybe things could have been perfect.

Why me? I never thought it would happen to me.

I just thought that I could just be me, and live being me, without having to think about these other things.

But then I guess things started to change.

We're not exactly friends right now, which saddens me.

But what can I do about it?

Maybe I should just email him. It can't be that hard.

Maybe I should-

He's online. I don't want to. Not yet...

I'm opening the window now, just leaving it open.

I think I know what to say. Actually, I don't... But I'm going to say something anyway.

Pause.

Too late. He just went offline.

But what if...

He's back.

I begin to type.

Review responses for Regretful Night:

penami: yeah... sigh. Too... yeah. and will see you tomorrow and tell you how all this goes.

MIDNIGHT-PIXIE: yes you! Catch up!

p-y-a: I should probably update you... later. Letting go... that's proving to be hard right now.

RoseofFlame: This isn't written in quite the same style... but hope it's good enough. Thanks for your review.

OBK