“You can fuck me if you promise not to feel”

You laugh with her, here, nervous and relieved

As she kisses you, dangerous

A world that’s dark and soft and so taboo

Best hope your parents don’t come in

- and see you writhe beneath her touch –

They wouldn’t like that.

She’s your best friend and your experiment

But she doesn’t care

She’s happy to show you her world

Happy for an excuse to have you in a way you wish she didn’t

But she’s made you promise not to feel

And her eyes will be empty by morning

Familiarity replacing lust

So its ok.

Its ok, you tell yourself, over and over and forget

Your boyfriend doesn’t need to know

And her other friends know this routine as well.

She loves and leaves because

As you haven’t realized

She knows not to expect anything in return

Defenses, wall built by the things she wants to keep out

But you don’t think about this

She’s your best friend, your ally, your life support

You give each other what you can.

What you don’t know – what she doesn’t know

Conspire in a love that’s twisted and addictive.

It isn’t happiness, but it comes close.