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We Can Work it Out by a case of me
Reviewers: Dizzy Purple, October Rose, LethargicLove, Nefertiry, Emilyne Willowar, pocket sized, duckliy543, Unmasked Love, dj89, lAll.of.the.abovel, mango soda, Honey-Boo
lAll.of.the.abovel : I’d stalk Erik too. What a dish.
许多感谢.
Evan: I'm not too worried about it, really. I wouldn't worry about it. Don't worry about it. I'm not worried at all.
-Superbad
“All right,” I said. “I thought of something brilliant. Like, it’s amazing it never occurred to us before now.”
“Tell me before I die of anticipation.”
“Stop trying to regain your dignity and keep icing your balls.”
Erik glowered at me from where he was sitting in the nurse’s office. I had gone back to check up on him after I chickened out of telling Emi and discovered that Reese had about the best aim that I had ever seen.
Then I brought him to the nurse... after I finished laughing.
“And anyways,” I continued, stretching my feet out on a nearby chair. “You owe me, since I had to carry you all the way here and everything. What a blow to your masculinity!”
“Freddie,” Erik answered pleasantly. “Go fuck—”
“What did you say?” The menacing voice of the resident nurse, Mrs. Colby, issued out of the next room.
“Duck!” Erik called. “We’re discussing birds.”
“Yeah, at how much of a chicken you are,” I sniggered. “I can’t wait to see you take on actual guys. So far Reese and I have both managed to kick your ass.”
“What, do you want me to hit you and then get suspended? Or, knowing you, arrested?”
“You could just say, ‘I’m too much of a gentlemanly pansy, Freddie, can’t you respect my views?’” His scowl became even more pronounced. I ignored it. “Of course, then I’d cackle and say chivalry is dead and take you out, but if you did fight back, of course I’d turn you in with melodramatic stories of abuse. So, basically, damned if you do, damned if you don’t.”
“Go away,” Erik ordered.
“Wait! You didn’t even get to hear about my epiphany!” I cried. “It might be the solution to all our problems.”
“Yeah, well, once I can walk properly, I’m all ears.” He said, shifting to get more comfortable.
“Try and walk right now. You’ve had time to recover,” I commanded. Erik sneered at me.
“You just want to laugh at me some more.”
“You think?”
“I am not here for comic relief!” Erik yelled. “I demand respect!”
“Well, I’ll try and hold in my amusement for as long as I can. Go on, try and walk. This is a no-judgment zone.”
“That’s it. Mrs. Colby!” He hollered. “My balls are being compromised!”
I sat there looking at him with my mouth hanging open as the nurse (who, for the record, should have been a heavy-weight wrestler) appeared in the doorway. I stood quickly and began to back away, all the while shooting daggers at Erik.
“You are a traitor to all mankind,” I hissed at him as I ran past with Mrs. Colby in hot pursuit. He only grinned at me and waved goodbye.
“We’ll just hit the yearbooks after school,” He called after us. I struggled to look back in indignation.
“That was my idea!” Seriously, this was yet another example of the guy’s freaky psychic abilities. Unfortunately, that thought was cut short as Mrs. Colby caught up and, after a brief and useless struggle on my part; unceremoniously dumped me in the hallway.
“Where’s your female pride?” I bellowed at the closed door, which she’d slammed behind me.
So much for the twenty-first century, I thought as I turned and started to walk in the direction of my locker. As I turned a corner into the senior wing hallway I collided with another person, whom, after stumbling a little to regain my balance, I recognized to be none another than Jake Washington, Zorro extraordinaire and the boy causing Rita so much trouble.
I scrutinized him carefully as I apologized and walked past, but was stopped by him calling after me.
“You’re friends with Rita, right?” I turned.
“Yes, that’s right. I don’t know if you can say the same.”
“Well,” He darkened a little and looked at the ceiling. “I was hoping to be a little more than that, but...”
“You can’t find her?” Jake nodded. “Well, Rita’s good at the vanishing act when she wants to be. I’ll be straight with you; she’s probably the most awkward person you’re ever going to meet, so that’s the way she works. Being serious and committing to things are also not her strong points.”
“What do I do?” He looked desperate, which, I had to admit, was pretty endearing. I sighed.
“I’ll give you some friendly advice. Are you listening?”
“Yes...”
“All right.” I stepped closer and peered at him closely. He leaned away from me, looking slightly sketched out. “First, stop being bi-polar— and you know you are, so stop trying to deny it— hot-and-cold flings never last long, plus they get tiresome after a while. Second, keep it simple. Don’t use big words, don’t give her flowers or candy, and for God’s sake, never try and tell her you love her. Those things make everything complicated. Rita runs from complicated. You following so far?”
I received an incredulous look.
“Good. Third, think before you do stupid stuff like kissing her out of nowhere. I suppose it keeps things exciting, but judging from her superb avoidance of you, I’d say it’s not working too well. Fourth, be honest. Don’t bullshit. Girls can tell when you’re lying. Fifth, hurt her and I’ll castrate you. Understand?”
“Did she not like kissing me?” Jake looked worried. I frowned.
“A, I don’t frigging know, and B, did you hear what I just said?”
“Yeah, yes,” He answered distractedly.
“Do you understand these instructions? You will do exactly what I just said?”
“I thought it was advice.”
“Oh Washington,” I smiled. “You crack me up.”
“Jealous, Frederica?”
“Are you kidding me?” I exclaimed, gaping at the idiot now turning his wheelchair in circles. “You got a wheelchair? That is so unnecessary and unfair!”
Erik stopped spinning and looked at me rather dazedly. “Stop... moving, Freddie’s!”
I stepped forward, grasped the arms of the chair, and shoved him down the hallway, much to the astonishment of passerby. Erik went careening through a group of shrieking girls with a yell and then continued to roll until he crashed into a wall.
“Don’t worry about him,” I told the hysterical girls. “He’s off meds right now.”
“Ow,” Erik was moaning. “I’m in a delicate condition, Freddie! How could you be so cruel?”
“Actually, this has given me an idea,” I said thoughtfully. I wheeled him around and shouldered open the double doors. The vast parking lot lay before us, and I grinned then climbed on to the back of the wheelchair. I made sure my backpack was secure and none of the pockets were open, and then squared my shoulders, taking a deep breath.
“Freddie?” Erik asked tentatively. “What the hell are you doing?”
“Let’s go home, Lassie,” I told him, and pushed off of the side of the school with deliberate force. With a whoosh, we hurtled through the crowd of chatting people waiting for buses.
“HOLY SHIT!” Erik bellowed as students jumped out of our way, yelling profanities. “YOU CRAZY BITCH!”
“Shut up, you know this is fun!” I yelled back. The wind was blowing in my eyes, and it was only until we were ten feet away did I see the moron sophomore standing directly in our path with a grin on his face.
Oh nice, this would be interesting road kill. What a twit head.
“GET OUT OF THE WAY! I CAN’T FACKING STOP! MOVE!” Erik was roaring. The kid’s friends stood off to the side, laughing their heads off.
I rolled my eyes and waited until we were just about to hit the idiot to swerve sharply to the left, narrowly missing a tree. Erik let out a high-pitched shriek and covered his eyes, but when no collision occurred, he looked wildly around and then back to the guys now howling with laughter.
“Yeah, keep running!” He yelled, flipping the bird.
“Erik, concentrate,” I said patiently. “This might be painful.”
“What?” He asked, but then we flew off the curb at an alarming speed, and hit the asphalt hard, bouncing several times.
“OW,” Erik howled. “Are you trying to kill my ass—? BUS! CAPTAIN, BUS ON THE LEFT!”
“Well, shit,” I said, trying to increase our momentum by pushing off the ground like we were on a skateboard. It didn’t work very well. “Erik... we might actually get hit.”
At that, Erik gave a war cry and began trying to roll the wheels himself while I was basically running to keep us moving. The driver of the bus was honking the horn incessantly and the brakes were squealing.
“Remain... calm!” I huffed.
“This is it,” Erik moaned. “We’re dead, this is the end—”
Several things happened in quick succession:
I gave an almighty shove off the ground and then held onto the wheelchair for dear life.
The bus flew by.
We crashed into a truck parked in the lot and went tumbling to the ground.
A moment of silence passed, punctuated by Erik swearing loudly.
A tumult of applause and cheering came from the students across the street. The middle-schoolers on the bus were hanging out the windows, jeering and laughing. I waved weakly from where I was sprawled by the pick-up’s tire.
“That was fun,” Erik groaned weakly. “I think I’m paralyzed, thanks a bunch, Freddie.”
“Oh, take it like a man, come on,” I said back, staring at the sky, and beginning to register how chilly it was outside. “We’re going to freeze to death.”
“Big whoop.”
“I could kill for some nachos... I make really good nachos, by the way.”
“You can cook?”
“Duh. Who can’t?”
“Me.”
“Loser.”
“I’m going to get you back one day, Freddie,” Erik grumbled. “You’ll regret ever making fun of me.”
“Oh, such fearsome threats,” I chuckled, starting up my car and pulling out of the parking lot. “I have to pick up my sister at the middle school first, okay?”
“Oh, shit!” He hit his forehead. “I’m supposed to pick up my brother there too!”
“Do you want to go back and get your car?”
“I don’t know if I can drive, to be honest.”
“Erik, your injuries aren’t that severe.”
“No, the thing is... I might be out of gas.” I gaped at him.
“How’d you manage that?”
“Well, I try to avoid filling up because it’s so expensive,” Erik said defensively. “And then when I was parking this morning it sort of... died. I barely made it.”
“You idiot,” I said fondly, then bawked. Since when had I been affectionate with Erik? I glanced at him in discomfort, but Erik didn’t seem to notice. He was still muttering to himself about high gas prices.
“Well,” I said. “Should I drop your brother off at your house and then drive us all to my house?”
“No, that’s okay,” Erik said. “He can chill with Jessie— that’s your sister’s name, right?”
“Yeah, who told you that?” I asked curiously.
“Sean told me, and you’ve mentioned her sometimes,” Erik said. I raised an eyebrow.
“Your brother talks about my sister? That is so cute!”
“Let’s not jump to conclusions, I never said that,” He interjected hastily.
“Well, we’ll see, won’t we?” I answered slyly, driving into the junior high parking lot. Peering at the students there, I saw Jessie standing with a couple girls and was relieved. At least she was capable of gaining some friends despite of her own weirdness and after what had happened.
She saw my car, said goodbye to her friends, and made her way towards us, pausing briefly when she saw Erik.
“Sorry, I have to go find Sean, wait a second,” He said, and got out of the car. Jessie gawked at him as he went past and then all but threw herself into the backseat.
“What’s going on? Why’s he with you? Are you guys going out? For how long?”
“Shut up, midget,” I said. “We have some business to attend to, that’s all, nothing to get excited about.”
“Is that what they’re calling it these days?” Jessie asked furtively, winking. I stared at her for a second, and then closed my eyes.
“You are so embarrassing,” I moaned. “No one else in the family is this awkward!”
“You only make it awkward by saying it’s awkward,” Jessie retorted.
“No,” I exclaimed. “It’s just awkward!”
“Well—” She was cut off by the arrival of Erik and his brother, who slammed the door as he got into the car, looking sullen.
“Hey, watch it,” I told him. “You could break the windows.”
Whereas Erik’s eyes were hazel, Sean’s were brown, and they glared me as I looked at him reproachfully in the mirror. It was obvious, just by looking at him, that he was Erik’s brother. His hair was curlier; his face not completely devoid of baby fat yet, but the straight nose, stubborn chin, and mouth were the same.
Erik had a great mouth; I mused, as I drove out of the parking lot, and then almost crashed into the vehicle in front of me. The other occupants of the car jerked forward in their seats with cries of shock.
What was wrong with me today?
“Sorry, my bad,” I called, still recovering from my recent thought process.
“How,” Erik muttered, rubbing his neck, “did you ever get your license?”
“For your information, this is a standard,” I pointed out. “And it gives me more gas mileage, but is basically impossible to drive. Luckily, I have mostly mastered the demon, so all is well. You should respect me for it.”
“Driving a standard is not that hard,” He told me.
“Well, not anymore, but when I was learning, I almost killed myself and others a couple of times.”
“Freddie,” Jessie interrupted. “Why is there a wheelchair back here?”
“Oh, yes, that,” I smiled. “I think Erik can tell you why, can’t you, Erik?”
“No, I don’t think that story is necessary, actually,” He said, shooting me a warning look.
“I do. Basically, kids, our big, strong friend here got nailed in the balls by a terrible monster in the form of a 5’3” girl.”
Sean didn’t even bother holding in his laughter along with me while Jessie struggled to keep a straight face out of concern for Erik’s feelings. She eventually gave in and snorted with mirth.
“I hate you all,” Erik grumbled as our amusement began to die down.
“My nachos will cheer you up,” I said happily. “Oh yeah, Jessie, would you mind entertaining Carson Jr. here until Erik and I finish scouring yearbooks?”
“And why, pray tell, are you looking through yearbooks?” She asked.
“Never you mind,” I answered.
“Excuse me,” Sean spoke up, finally speaking for the first time. “Did anybody ask my opinion on this? I really don’t want to be here.” Erik twisted around to cuff him around the head
“That’s why no one asked you,” Jessie told Sean kindly.
“No worries, this won’t take long,” I said, pulling into our driveway, noticing the absence of other cars. “Oh man, you are so lucky my mom’s not home. She likes cornering people and getting them to recount their life stories to her.”
“I have a very interesting life story,” Erik bragged, getting out of the car.
I stopped and gaped at him.
“What?”
“You,” I pointed. “are walking.”
“Yes?”
“By the way, he was walking before, you just didn’t notice,” Jessie let me know. I squinted at her, and then swiveled around back to Erik.
“Care to explain why you’ve suddenly regained mobility?”
“No?”
“That’s it. No nachos for you.”
Three faces stared at me, their expressions showing varying ranges of boredom.
“Next step, the cheese.” I got a block from the fridge and grabbed a grater, then hesitated. I hated grating cheese.
“Here,” I handed the materials to Sean. “You can do this honorable job. I’m going to get my yearbooks.”
“I officially hate you all,” I heard him declare as I ascended the stairs. Crossing to my bookshelf when I entered my room I frowned and scoured the titles for my past yearbooks. Finally I spotted them sitting beside a dust-covered Lord of the Rings book, and pulled them off the shelf in triumph.
“Soon you shall be a mystery no more, Miss-Sister-of-Reesy-Peanut-Buttercup.”
When I returned downstairs it was to find Sean making a mess while attempting to grate cheese while Jessie was saying something angrily to him. Erik was staring off into space, occasionally stopping to eat the excess cheese Sean was scattering on the island.
“... The rest of the world cannot be to blame for your sucky attitude,” Jessie was affirming snootily. “Just because you act like the sun shines out of your ass doesn’t mean everyone else has to. Think of the people in Darfur, what’s wrong with you—”
“What’s going on here?” I interrupted. “Didn’t anyone teach you how to grate cheese, you fool? Jessie, you do it.”
“Oh my god, that is so unfair. Stop trying to ruin my life, Freddie—”
“Darfur, Addison,” Sean said, sneering at her. “Think of Darfur.”
“I don’t need to; I’m already a great person, unlike you.”
“Stop bickering, idiots,” I said over their squabbling. “You sound like a pair of chipmunks.”
“What, we’re making fun of teeth now?” Jessie snapped.
“Will everyone shut up?” Erik said suddenly. “I’m trying to concentrate.”
We all stopped and watched him struggle to keep a spoon stuck to his nose.
“Just avert your eyes, children,” I said, turning away. “Keep grating Jessie, we want these nachos ready before we finally find this bitch.” I smacked the yearbooks on the table in front of Erik. The spoon fell off his nose again.
“That’s them?” He asked. “All right. Let’s do this.”
Forty-five minutes later, the four of us were sitting in the living room eating burnt nachos and poring over the yearbooks, trying to find any names that made sense.
“This is stupid,” Jessie announced. I glowered at her.
“For once, I agree,” Sean added. “I don’t know what you two are trying to accomplish because you won’t tell us anything, but I’m pretty sure this is a waste of time.”
“Both of you go away,” I snapped. “Just chill in Jessie’s room for a bit, okay?”
“What? Do you know how awkward that is?” Jessie exclaimed, but I pointed at her sternly.
“You made my nachos catch fire, and I’m ticked off. Go away.” She stormed off, and Sean, who glanced around in bemusement for a couple of seconds, followed quickly.
“This is pretty dumb,” Erik admitted a moment later.
“Yeah, no shit,” I answered in frustration. “Why can’t we find some one who has the same last name, or even looks like Reese?”
“Maybe she wasn’t lying when she said she didn’t have a sister,” Erik said thoughtfully.
“That makes no sense. Why would the girl call Reese her sister? She might not even be in here; we don’t know that she’s not a freshman.”
“I don’t think I saw any freshmen at that party,” Erik frowned. “No one likes them, anyways.”
“It was crowded, who knows,” I sighed, and flipped through last-year’s sophomores’ pictures. “Hey, look! It’s Nathan.”
“Your potential boyfriend Nathan?”
“Yeah. He looks weird without the hat.”
“He looks weird all the time,” I thought I heard Erik mutter, but then he turned the pages to our class’s last year photos. I was the second person, my name beginning with an A. Peering at the picture, I grimaced.
“God, I look like a fruit.”
“Nah, your hair was just really long,” Erik said. “And you are smiling a bit strangely...”
“Shut up,” I said, punching his arm. “What about you? I’m sure you look odd too.”
But he really didn’t. His hair was shorter and his shoulders hinting to a slightly scrawnier and shorter build, but Erik was every bit as handsome as he was right now, sitting next to me.
And we were quite close together, I realized, pretending to look at the other pictures in the album. Our legs were touching, and I hadn’t noticed that Erik’s arm was propped on the couch behind me. I could turn my head to look at him and our faces would be a couple of inches away.
“I look like a tool here,” He laughed, pointing at a random picture taken in the halls. “So does Kevin, actually.” They were standing by the office, laughing at something out of the frame.
“Kevin was new last year, right?” I asked, looking at the two guys, who looked so at ease with each other.
“Yeah,” Erik said. “I’m sure he would have made friends without me, but I felt compelled to be in his life after he was so good at soccer during preseason.”
“Only you would be friends with some one because of that,” I laughed, turning the page, and groaning. “Oh look, some one took a picture of this.”
“I totally forgot about that!” Erik looked at the photo of me and him during our annual fund-raiser Pumpkinfest. I was drowning in baggy clothing with a sideways hat on my head for the gangster look while Erik was dressed in a very elaborate ball-gown, with immaculate make-up, courtesy of Lou. We weren’t looking at the camera, but appeared to be busy with our booth. Erik was looking annoyed and confused at what a small child was saying while I was glaring at him, my mouth open, most likely in the middle of a lecture.
“Good old times,” I murmured. Suddenly struck with nostalgia, I became painfully aware that this was our last year of high school, and, regardless of how much I tried to deny it, I would miss Erik, no matter how much he annoyed me.
Erik, seemingly oblivious to my revelations, was still looking through the yearbook. Suddenly I was overwhelmed with the urge to hug him, or put my head on his shoulder, or something. I bit my lip, perturbed that I could summon a reason for this. I’d miss Erik, yeah, but why did I want to get all touchy and emotional with him? Surely we hadn’t become that good of friends?
We had. I just didn’t want to admit that we were. Friends... it was such an odd term for the two of us—
“Erik!” I said abruptly. He looked at me in surprise.
“The girl’s not Reese’s sister, she’s her stepsister!”
“How do you figure that?” He asked.
“Well, it’s a relationship Reese obviously isn’t comfortable with; in fact she probably forgot that she had some semblance of a sister when we asked her.” I nodded to myself. Everything was making sense. “And the girl— she sounded sarcastic, didn’t she, when she said it? They’re not really sisters, but now they are by marriage. She’s like some evil stepsister!”
“So the girl,” Erik said slowly. “She’s probably new here or something.”
“That or just some random person we can’t pick out of here,” I said, then grinned happily. “We actually got somewhere, Erik! It’s pretty much nothing, but still, we are slowly but surely figuring something out!”
“I know! Oh my god Freddie, how amazing!” Erik was making fun of me, but I didn’t really mind, not when he pulled me into an enthusiastic hug to emphasize his joke.
God, he smelled good.
I was so screwed.