and as I lay in the middle of the floor

fucked up on more pills than my body can handle at one time

I'll look at the love of my life

and tell him that the scars on my wrist aren't mistakes

they aren't memories

they are marks that prove to you

that I will try again and again until I finally succeed

there are no words

there are no thoughts

there is nothing

that will make me think differently

the last time I marked

my pale skin

will not be the last time I try

to end the life that I hate

to end the never ending pain

I constantly carry inside my heart

the worthlessness I always feel

no amount of love

no amount of happiness

will ever change the way I feel

I will always want to die

right now that want is intensified

nothing and no one can make me better

suicide is my only chance

razors my only friend

pills my only escape

I need to forget everything around me

even the one that I love

even the ones that mean the most to me

the ones I'm not supposed to forget

the ones I'm supposed to protect

and I try to protect them from myself

they don't need my problems

hanging over their heads

they don't need to see

the insanity that is me

they don't need to see

someone they love

taking a pill just to feel okay

just to feel like they matter

killing myself slowly

is the only way I can actually live

a piece of me dies every day

but I'm running out of pieces

pretty soon my whole body is going to die

and nothing and no one can stop it

not even me