Adrian had almost fallen asleep when he felt his wife turn over restlessly. He opened his eyes and found himself looking back into Erika's light blue irises.

"Can't sleep?"

"Nope."

A lock of blond hair had fallen across her face. Erika blew it back.

Adrian let his eyes wander over his wife's face, examining the high arches of her plucked brows and the smooth slope of her cheekbones. Sneaking a hand out from beneath the covers, Adrian ran a finger over Erika's cheek.

She smiled sadly and twisted her head just far enough away that he found himself stroking empty space.

"Are you okay?" he asked, sitting up in the bed and resting on his elbows.

Erika sighed heavily and didn't look at Adrian.

"Have you ever thought about kids?"

"Sure," said Adrian, uneasily. He was afraid their conversation was heading into dangerous territory.

"I mean having a kid," said Erika. "Together."

Adrian was silent for a moment.

"Is this because Jake and Heather just had a baby?"

"No. Maybe." She sighed. "I donâ ™t know."

Adrian felt torn. He wanted to make Erika happy, even if it meant having a kid, but he wasn't sure he would be able to fulfill her wish. He remembered only too clearly the day that his father had come into his room to have "the talk."

They had talked about puberty; the changes that Adrian's body would go through, the feelings he was likely to experience, the appropriate way of protecting himself when he decided to have sexâ ”and then more.

That was the day that Adrian had learned that his father had a partially defective Y-chromosome. Even though he hadn't understood everything that his father told him that day, Adrian had been old enough to get the gist.

The area in his father's Y-chromosome that had been damaged was responsible for sperm production. The doctors thought Adrian's father had inherited it from his own father, but he was already dead and there was no way to tell for sure.

It had taken his parents ten years to conceive him. Five years later his mother conceived a second child to the delight of Adrianâ ™s father. Unfortunately, her second pregnancy was not as easy as the first. She came down with diabetes in her first trimester. Her doctor was able to stabilize her condition with the use of an expensive, experimental drug that had hit the market just months earlier, but he was too late to save the child.

Her doctor might have been able to save her life the first time, but had been able to pull her out of the depression she sunk into. Not even Adrian. In the end, the miscarriage was as much at fault for his motherâ ™s death as was the noose that they had found her hanging from.

Logically, Adrian knew that Erika would not be in the same danger his mother had been; no one in her family had ever had diabetes. It didnâ ™t matter though. Nothing in the world would force Adrian to take the chance, slim as it might be. Even if it turned out that she was completely healthy, Adrian didnâ ™t want Erika to waste her life hoping for a child that they may never be able to have.

"I don't want a kid," said Adrian quietly.

Erika looked at him, surprised. "I thought you loved children!"

"That doesn't mean I want one."

"Never?" asked Erika, sounding hurt.

"Never."

Adrian rolled over, unable to bring himself to look at his wife. He tried to ignore the knot of guilt in his stomach, but it wouldn't go away. He wished he could tell Erika why he felt like he did, but he knew it would be useless. She wouldn't understand.