Totally, Like, Expected!

Prologue.

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“…You’re what?”

And there it was. The “awkward shuffling” of his very nicely adorned feet –if I do say so myself, only because I bought those damn shoes for him-.

I blinked a couple of times and shook my head, just to make sure that I wasn’t in fact dreaming, because hell, that would be some sort of fucking sick joke.

My beautiful, darling boyfriend Drew, looked at me and whispered, “Look Marissa, we had good times didn’t we babe?”

WELL NO SHIT. DICKWAD.

Too bad I didn’t say that. I seriously have way too much self control.

“Yeh…of course we did.”

“Which is why telling you this is one of the hardest things to do.”

Again, dickhead, no fucking shit. Geez. Does he really think that I’m DUMB? I knew he was going to break up with me, from the moment he said the bloody words, “There’s someone else.”

God, I’m not stupid, you know.

And seriously, yeh, not to be a fucking self-obsessed biatch. I know breaking up with your FREAKING PERFECT GIRLFRIEND of two years, would be the hardest thing to do today, unless you know, he finds trouble styling his really gorgeous hair…and…whatever, you know what? I’m off topic. Moving on.

Ok. Seriously. Like, this? It’s gone on way too long. If he wants to leave me, that son of a bitch better do it now.

“Drew. If you want to break up with me, then fine. But don’t drag it out and pretend to be pained about it. God knows, I don’t need that extra emotional baggage. I mean, this month’s Cosmo includes 5 easy steps to getting over your dickhead of an ex. So, ok, fine, leave me for your nerdy-but-sweet, tutor.”

“Marissa, it’s not like that!”

…Ha! It’s not like that. I stared at him, incredulously. I thought the nerd was helping him become smarter. Geez.

“Do you want me to quote you, asshole? You just told me you met your SOULMATE.”

“Look. Firstly Riss…”

“Woah HO NO! Like stop right there!” I like adding in my exaggerated hip shaking movements and crazy hand gestures. I actually feel it helps drive the message home, yes?

“NOONE, except my boyfriend, best friends, cheerleading squad, family and any other adoring worshipper, oh and the postman and the nice lady down the street, is allowed to call ME Riss. Ok?”

“THIS is why I fell in love with Jamie instead. God, all you can ever talk about is yourself, cheerleading and your goddamned Cosmo bible.”

I gasped at him. The nerve of him! I mean, that’s not all I talk about! Five minutes ago, he was apart of that list!

…Wait a second. He’s in love with that other chick? After what? 4 months??

She’s a witch. I knew it.

“…so what? After two years of being together IN LOVE, just because someone who’s smarter and nicer than me comes along, you fall in love with her? Did you kiss her? OH GOD. I swear Drew, if you cheated on me, I’ll kick your sorry ass back to your mother’s fucking womb.”

“NO! I’m trying to explain everything to you Marissa. But you just keep interrupting!”

“Fine! You can have five minutes to explain. But after that, I’m allowed to have my hissy fits.”

“Look. It’s not that I didn’t love you ok? You’re a gorgeous person. It’s just, I don’t feel that we’re meant to be together. Jamie…she’s everything I’m not. You know? We click. She’s the one for me. And, until she realises it, I’ve got to do the right thing by her, and show her how much I really do care for her. I’m sorry I left you hanging for so long. I never meant to hurt you, I just didn’t know how to handle all my mixed feelings. On one hand I felt something for Jamie, and yet I still wanted you…

THAT SELFISH BASTARD!

…and I don’t want you hurting Jamie ok? or telling her about any of this. She’s already shit scared of me. It’s not her fault. She doesn’t even know I love her, and I doubt she even feels that way for me. But for now, I’ve got to be persistent and patient and this is the only way I can show her how much I love her, I’ve got to…”

Here, Drew looked at me uncomfortably and let that sentence just hang and wither into nothing. I knew he wanted to say, “get rid of you.” See? We can click, if we want to!! I can be understanding and supportive! I can be his kindred spirit!

I looked at Drew’s flushed face and just waved a hand to show that I understood what he meant. I knew Drew wouldn’t ever dare say something like that, at least not to my face. He was just sweet like that, I guess.

Now, seriously, how could I stay mad at him! Him with his puppy dog eyes and that silly smile and just the look in his eyes when he started talking about Jamie. I mean, the guy just fucking admitted he’d rather be alone, then without that other chick-what’s-her-face.

I was only sad. Sad that it wasn’t me who was making him that happy or that…in love.

So I did the only thing I thought was right. I went over to Drew, gave him a tight hug and kissed his cheek one last time. Though, I must admit, it was more for my benefit than his.

“Go get her Drew.”

I took a few steps back and keeping my eyes downcast, I heard Drew let out a long breath.

“Thank god you took this well Riss. You’re so sweet. I hope we can still be friends.”

Ok…friends? Like, HUH?

I voiced my confusion aloud and upon hearing his chuckling, I looked up.

“I’ve never been just friends with an ex before. How does that work?”

Drew scratched his adorable little head and crinkled his nose, “Well, I’m pretty sure it’s just you know, everything we still do together, just without the making out and sex.”

…I blanked and looked at his slight smile. “…You want to read Cosmo with me?”

He laughed at this and reassured me that we did do a lot more than just reading Cosmo, making out and having sex.

Huh. I’m pretty sure I didn’t forget anything there.

Drew walked over to me, kissed my forehead lightly and upon instinct, I leaned in closer. I could feel him tense up, and he let me go. I blushed and murmured a quick apology, and shifted away uncomfortably. Is this what being friends is like?

Because, frankly, I’d rather ignore him and secretly plot his demise, then have to suffer through all these awkward moments.

“Definitely, none of that. We’re friends now, ok Riss?” He smiled one last time, told me that he had to go pick up Jamie and that he was sorry…again.

I looked down at my ultra cute bunny slippers and let him walk out of my life, forever. As I heard his car reverse out of my driveway, I flopped onto my bed and just well…

Slept.

Don’t worry. That’s just how I usually approach depression.

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A/N: WOOHOO! My new story!! Ahh!! So how do you like that?? Originally, I wasn’t going to have this bit as the prologue, and just write out the first chapter…but, yeh! I just wanted to introduce everything first. I guess she sounds a tad ditzy in this opening bit, but I swear, she’s not!

Anyway, to everyone: HAVE AN EFFING FECKTACULAR ’06!!

Lots of nat love, peace!