I sat there in my room writing in my journal thinking about how many different ways I could kill those who caused me to suffer. Have you ever done that? Have you ever wanted to kill someone so bad you could actually taste their blood…feel it running slowly and thickly down your throat? Well I have…and you won’t believe how many times I’ve tried to make that feeling real.

"Nariko help me!" a loud scream begged from my parent’s bedroom.

Me being me, I threw my stuff down and raced down the stairs into their bedroom. There I saw my father standing over my mother ready to strike her…just like he had so many other times. But never, never had he hit me or any of my animals. I made it clear to him that he’d die if he even thought about touching my babies.

"Davis get off of her," I commanded darkly.

"I’ve done everything else you asked bitch, but I am not gonna do this, she deserves to hurt," Davis, my father, whispered.

"Get off of her!" I commanded again walking briskly towards him.

"No!" he retorted strongly.

I walked over to him quite angered now, I hated both of my parents, but I didn’t let them hurt each other like I should have, that is the only thing I kick myself for time and time again. I grabbed his arm and pulled him away from my mother. "Leave her ALONE!" I spat.

Before I knew what was happening Davis’ hand whipped across my face causing me to fall. Shock overtook my facial expression and I looked up at him clutching my reddened face. He’d hit me…he’d actually hit me! "Don’t you ever tell me what to do girl," he rasped in my ear.

My hand on its own accord reared back and I punched him in his nose. Now you answer me this, if there is a God, why would he have let me do that? For the punishment I got…would never un-haunt my already tortured soul.

A low evil sounding growl escaped his throat as he grabbed a fist full of my hair. He knocked my mother over the head causing her to become unconscious. "What are you doing? Let me go Davis!" I said hitting at his hands.

"I’ll teach you to treat me, your father, like trash!" Davis shouted throwing me into the den.

"What are you doing?" I repeated suddenly becoming full of something I never felt before…fear.

He slowly unzipped his fly…I knew what was coming now; it was all becoming clear. This monster planned to rape me. "I’m showing you who’s boss around here Nariko," he said evilly.

"No…no! Get away from me!" I shouted burying myself into the nearest corner.

"You could have saved yourself Nariko, by just shutting the hell up, but you couldn’t do that could you? Well I guess you must pay then baby girl," he rasped.

With agility that I didn’t know he had, he jumped forward and pinned me down. I suddenly regretted wearing my black skirt that day…it was now much easier for him to hurt me, kill my already tortured soul. He hiked my skirt up to my hips and yanked my panties off. "Stop it! No quit! Help me!!!" I screamed, begging anyone who could hear to come to my aide.

"No one can save you now." With those icy words he pounded his hard throbbing cock into me mercilessly, over and over again, each thrust he pushed harder and faster into my virgin body.

My pleading screams and shouts seemed to echo off of the walls. Tears streamed out of my eyes and down my cheeks. Finally the monster came into me and pulled out walking out of the room leaving me in a sobbing heap on the floor. Not caring that he had killed me.

I woke up on the den floor…my thighs burnt and between my legs was on fire, a fire I’d never felt before. I could still feel dried up tears on my cheeks and under my eyes…my mascara was probably there too. Looking at my watch I realized I was just in time to get to school…my only escape.

I slowly made my way out of the den and up to my bathroom. When I saw my reflection I could have vomited, I looked repulsive. My reddish brown eyes looked dead, my skin was pale, my hair matted with sweat, and my lips cut and covered with dry blood from me biting them the night before. Slowly…as if it would lessen the pain I got into a new pair of black panties, black fishnet pantyhose, a black bra, a dark skirt, and a dark crimson red and black top with draping sleeves, one of my favorite outfits.

Then I washed my face and applied new make up. My lips were now outlined in black, along with my eyes, which also had a purple eye shadow accompanying it, and finally my nails were black like they always were. As I made my way to the front door Davis jumped out of the shadows and pinned me against the wall. “Nariko…you won’t be telling anyone of what happened will you? This’ll be our secret…because I know you really liked it,” he whispered stroking my cheek.

I pulled away anger burning inside me. “I won’t tell…but I didn’t like it, don’t think I did for a second Davis.” With those words I pushed him away and stormed out of the house heading to a place where no one accepted or bothered me…just the way I liked it.

It was cold outside, I liked it that way too…but being cold out didn’t help the pain on my thighs and in between my legs, they still both hurt like hell. The pain was starting to cause me to walk funny…I’d have to get something done for this somehow.

The school building finally came into view…my heaven. I walked into the building slowly and walked to the back where I usually sat and read by myself. As I walked across the commons area I saw a new guy standing there with the ‘jocks’ of the school, he was actually kinda cute.

His hair wasn’t long…but it wasn’t short, it was dark brown, almost black looking. I wanted to see his eyes…but he wasn’t looking at me…but then wait. Yes he was…they were a light green, like yellow green; they were just sexy, that was the only word I could come up with for them.

As I kept walking, I wasn’t paying attention to what was going on in front of me. So I bumped into Ashlaya, the biggest preppy bitch of the school. “Watch where the fuck you’re going Nariko,” she barked.

“How about you watch where the fuck I’m going,” I retorted in no mood to deal with her.

“How about you go fuck your daddy like you did last night,” she spat back.

Now, I know she was only saying this to make me mad…she didn’t know he’d really done that to me. But at that particular moment I didn’t give a shit. I reared back and punched her right in her pretty face…I’m sure I broke her ‘perfect’ nose too. Before she could say anything to me I marched off to the bathroom.

I quickly found an unoccupied stall and walked in sitting on the toilet. This was too much; now I could see flashbacks from last night…I needed something to take my mind off of the pain, anything at all. An idea invaded my vulnerable mind, something I hadn’t done in years. Slowly I took out my pocket knife and looked at the sliver blade, it was taunting me again. Like it had so long ago…

With tears welling up in my eyes I placed it sharp side down on my flesh and drug it across leaving a crimson path in its wake. Carefully I scratched ‘hate’ on my arm and watched the blood flow from my cuts. A sadistic smile crossed my face and I brought my arm to my lips, peaking my tongue out to taste the crimson coppery liquid. The taste was unlike anything I’d ever imagined…I loved it, and from then on I knew I’d always love it.

Satisfied with the work I’d done to myself, I stood and walked out of the bathroom slowly. I was busy watching my feet and plowed into a tall figure. “Ow, watch where the fuck I’m going!” I said looking up.

I met a pair of yellow green eyes…the same eyes I’d seen earlier. “Sorry…I didn’t see you there,” he replied.

I looked down. “Sorry,” I muttered, “I thought you were one of the other jocks.” I looked up again. “What’s yer name? I’m Nariko.” I stuck out my hand.

“I’m Tristain,” he answered grinning down at me. “Would you happen to know where History 5-G is?”

“Um yeah it’s…it’s a…” I was suddenly becoming weak. I’d cut too deeply on my arm this time. Shit! I was going to pass out and in front of Tristain, talk about first impressions huh?

“Are you okay Nariko?” he asked grabbing my shoulders.

I shook my head and slumped down into his arms…that was the last thing I remember happening before my world was overtaken by darkness.

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Lusty Renae