Agony, Confusion and Despair

A deep dark hole of nothing. Nothing but the feeling of hopelessness. Being blinded to the sunshine of the world and the only thing that is not shielded from you is the agony of your surroundings. You feel alone. Deserted. Nowhere and no one to turn to. You feel as if you’re spinning around in a never-ending circle of anguish. Everyone’s betrayed you and now you know you can’t trust them ever again. They laugh at you like you’re a fool and say that you don’t know anything and they never believe what you say. You don’t know who or what you are. Nor why you were allowed to live when it would have been so much better for everyone involved if you had died. Blaming yourself for things you may or may not have caused. Lying awake in bed till four-o-clock in the morning wondering what happened. What went wrong. Why did this or that happen? What could you have done to change it? In your mind all these questions and yet the answers never come. The only person who could tell you won’t even look at you let alone talk to you. Your heart aches so much and it won’t stop. You dream about the way it used to be. The good times. The happiness, the warmth, the love. All the things you planned to do together are dust now. They’ll never happen. You’ll never see him again and worst of all, he won’t remember you. You whisper in the dark, “I’m sorry. I’m sorry,” but you know he won’t hear you. You pray, cry, plead, beg, but in the end you know: There’s no hope.

I’d like to dedicate this poem to my ex. I’m not going to say that he ruined my life because that would be letting him win. And I will NOT ALLOW THAT TO HAPPEN!!!!!

Anyway, for those of you who want to know: I was wrong. He did come back and only then did I understand that he was a no good so and so that didn’t deserve me anyhow.