Forever Love

The first thing I noticed where his eyes.

His eyes were brown with rims of gold and flecks of green. My breaths would come short whenever his glance would come my way. Blushes would arise simultaneously whenever I thought of him. He was everything to me. Whenever he was around, as long as I had, I didn’t need anyone else.

Before I knew it, I fell in love.

He was everything I always wanted. There was always something in his eyes though. Behind those twin mirrors, was a secret. We became closer and closer, but I could never really touch his heart. It hurt more and more to know that he wouldn’t tell me. I was worried, anxious, and upset.

Every time I was with him, my mask went on. I was “happy”.

Soon, I couldn’t take it anymore and I broke. My heart and mind could not sustain the love I had for him. I became reckless and I pushed everyone away, even him. I didn’t want anything. I was in oblivion. I wanted to be alone. Let him have his secret.

I was in frenzy and I didn’t seem to be able to come back.

Then one day he came and sat down with me and told me his secret, the reason why he would not become close to me and why he locked his heart. He didn’t think he could’ve hurt me, and he apologized for his mistake. Slowly, I began to recover, but his secret was a weight in my heart.

He had cancer and he was running out of time.

My mind was full of sobs, yet I couldn’t let him see my emotions. I wanted him to be happy and I would do anything for his happiness. I could sacrifice and I would. Every single moment was precious to me and every day I hoped it wouldn’t end.

Sadly, my wish could not be fulfilled.

The night before his death, we were in frenzy. Our kisses could have burned us. Our passion could’ve stopped time. Lips and sweet nothings murmured here and there through the night. We wanted it to last. It had to.

The next morning, I woke up with his cold body beside me. Words could not comprehend the feelings that passed through my heart.

Once more, my heart plunged into darkness. Pieces of my mind and heart could not fathom the pain and memories of him.

Why am I being pushed forward while time’s wheels have stopped for my beloved? Don’t heal the scars and the pain. Don’t be nice to me if I have to forget him.

I don’t want my thoughts to be made into memories.

I soon forgot…about him, our love, and his death.

I got married with a piece of my heart missing. I felt something amiss. Thousands of times I would wake up with tears in my eyes. I would’ve had to remember sometime and I did.

I was cleaning out my attic when I found a picture of him, my beloved, my heart, and my soulmate. At first, I couldn’t comprehend who it was but I knew him. I searched some more and found a letter. A letter that he wrote…for me.

Dear Beloved,

I’ve cherished every moment I’ve been with you. Do not be sad with my departure. Remember our memories and do not cry. Our time of happiness has ended, but I know you’ll move on.

I’ll be waiting.

…And the memories came rushing back.

So I write this, to help cope with my loss. The time, in which I was supposed to mourn, I had lost because I forgot. I mourn with all my heart, but I never cry.

Someday I hope I’ll be able to rise from my memories and not be drowned by their force. That is my dearest wish.

I’ll wait for you.