M O N S T E R

written by jia zhang

I trembled steadily, my breath low and barely existing. There was no air, none at all. A trickle of oxygen was left in my lungs, left over from days, months, years ago. I ran my tongue across my lips, crack and rough and split. The pink worm inside my mouth touched the bars of my muzzle—it tasted bitter sweet of copper. There was a putrid stench in the air, a musky scent of blood and sweat. I was suffocating. I shivered unconsciously as I wrecked my wrists, pulling on the chains with as much strength as I could. The iron scrapped at my skin, cutting into the edges of white bone. I could not see how much crimson liquor I had spilt; it was too dark, much too dark, this cover of black universe. No light existed in my world, and never has. The sun was far too high for me to fly; my wings had been smashed long ago.

With my back pushed against the metallic wall, I force myself to stand. There was pounding between my brain. I rattle to my feet, my legs seemed lacking in substance, as if they were only flesh and blood, with no bones. I was being eaten away, I knew, but at least I wanted to last a little longer. I forced myself forward, running towards an invisible door. The chains locked me in its twisted embrace, holding me almost lovingly.

I suddenly heard a whimper.

I threw myself against the makeshift door, banging on it incessantly. The perverse noise was not foreign to me; this conniving claustrophobia began to swallow me. I banged and wrecked at the thick, putrid door, my fingers and nails scratching at the metal. The sound of the whimper continued, and I could not cut of my ears. I raped the metal door, pounded it furiously with my fists till they were raw. My hands hurt and bled, but it was nothing. Nothing, this was nothing. I had endured much more.

The white noise suddenly turned mute. I heard footsteps approaching me. I shy away from the door, feeling the hollow of my back press against the freezing iron. The steel gate opened, and for a moment I saw light. But there was never any light in my world; I was burned by the fire too long ago.

Serpent emerald stared at me, amused.

“Well…Aren’t you the noisy little thing.”

I stayed mute and inert.

“You should be quiet; I can’t have you making so much noise, now can I?”

I threw myself at him; I ripped him apart with my hands, feeling the warm sticky mess on my hands, his flesh against my teeth, his heart against my palm. I could feel it; I could taste it. But he only stared at me, bemused; the pounding against my ears began to intensify slowly. The mirage receded.

“Stay away from him.”

He smiled cynically. “Oh. You’re telling me to stay away from him.”

“I swear to God, if you so much as touch a hair on him, I will rip your heart out from inside of you, and make you eat it raw...”

“Such a bold threat.”

“Not a threat. The future.”

He smiled at me, that damn bloody smile. I wanted to bite it off his face.

“Listen to me, Monster. There is nothing you can do. So you might as well be quiet. Now, I have customers to attend to.”

I attacked him, attempting to claw away at his Serpent eyes with my bleeding hands, but the chains hugged my tightly, and I could not break free. The pounding intensified. The booming noise blocked out all the senses; I was in a dross coma. Nothing existed. I breathed heavily, my breath in desperate gasps. I felt him smile, but my eyes were only met with darkness.

“Leave him alone, Father. Please, leave him alone. You can whip me, burn me, beat me and hurt me, but don’t touch him.”

“He’s mine, and only mine. He’s no one else’s, Monster.”

“He’s just a child, leave him out of it.”

“I can’t, you know that. He’s mine. Mine.”

I felt the stingy liquid stain my eyes. No, no, no, it couldn’t be happening. Not again, not again. I couldn’t let it happen again. He can beat me, he can whip me, he can hurt me all he wants...but he can’t touch him. He can’t! He can’t! I won’t allow that man to hurt him anymore. I refuse. He’s too beautiful, too sweet, too young, too innocent, too pure to be tainted by that man with the serpent eyes. The pounding twisted inside my brain. It was to be born soon. The pounding and the booming, and the white noise and black nothingness.

“No.”

I split the muzzle off my face, my nails and fingertips bleeding, the back of my neck stinging where I tore the leather strap. I breathed deep, I drank in his smiles, I ate away at the darkness.

“I won’t. I won’t let you touch him. Not again. Never again.”

I glared at him. For a moment, a flash in time, he looked frightened, absolutely petrified. His face was suddenly pale, and his smile weakened considerably. Only a moment, just a moment, but from that moment I rose from within the fear and the suffocation. I glared at him nonchalantly.

“What will you do, Monster?” he asked. “What would you do to protect that precious little boy?”

He laughed.

“I’ll eat you.”

And I did.

I cut him up into pieces, cooked him in a pot for seven days and seven nights. I ate his flesh, and I chewed the bones, I drank the soup, I sucked him marrow dry. I swallowed him whole.

I ate him, and became a Monster.