January 5th, 2006

Jennifer’s Diary. Keep out. Please?

Hm. My old diary fell into the mud. So I guess I’m going to be writing in this one. It’s brand new with a sparkly dark blue cover. “To match my…uh…bedroom walls,” my mom said.

Why? Because my eyes aren’t blue. I’m pretty average, really. Five foot four inches, brown eyes, brown hair, kind of…average?

So, here starts my day.

“Hey fugly,” Devon said, pulling up a chair beside me.

I glared. What else was I supposed to do? This was Devon, the boy I was hopelessly in love with yet couldn’t talk to. Why not? He was an ass.

Before you get me wrong, let me clarify. Devon and I were good friends…way back in seventh grade. Then he started dating Marissa. Marissa Monroe (how did she end up with a KK name? Weirdo…) took and immediate dislike to me, the best friend. Naturally, Devon and I fought over it and he, being the pig-headed, stubborn imbecile that he was, chose Marissa over her.

He never got over their fight and she never got over her hatred of him. Now, here they were, her a junior, him a senior, still fighting. Still hating. And I still liked him.

I’m a jackass. I know. Who likes a guy who chose another girl over his best friend? It’s…evil?

“What, has my hotness overawed you again?” Devon said with a sneer. My glare turned into full rage.

There were times, I forgot I liked the idiot. Those were the times I went for the kill.

“Not your hotness,” I said sweetly, though I was quivering with anger. Yes, I did just use the word quivering. I like big words. I’m an English nerd. “Todd’s.”

Anger flashed through Devon’s eyes.

Ah. Todd. You have to love that kid. No, seriously…he’s a kid in Devon’s grade, yep, a senior. And he is totally hott. But he and Devon hate each other. Why, you ask?

Marissa.

Go figure.

Todd had liked her in ninth grade, when she and Devon were still dating. So, naturally, he brought her flowers, kissed her, and asked her to the Winter Ball. And Marissa, being the grade A bitch she is, said yes.

That was the one time that I felt bad for Devon. He saw Marissa kiss Todd back, as did I and the rest of the school, before storming through the doors.

Go figure – the popular table split into two for about three weeks. By the end of it, Marissa had decided on Todd and Devon had agreed not to punch Todd. But that’s not the point.

I ran after Devon after his girlfriend cheated on him. I sat by him for three friggin’ hours in the cold waiting for him to stop looking so pissed off. I told him that she was an idiot.

For about three hours, I was his best friend in the world again. Then, of course, we walked back in school and his friend Ryan asked him why he was hanging out with Fatty, a.k.a. Jennifer, or yours truly.

Oh lord. That wasn’t pretty. That was the second time I cried in school, the first time being Devon and my quarrel.

Why did I cry? Devon had looked at Ryan and said, disgustedly, “She followed me out.”

Psh. He had asked me, “Am I that stupid that I picked a girl to cheat on me? Do I suck that much?” etc. He had talked to me. And make no mistake, he knew damn well it was me. Jennifer Connor.

“Go to hell, Jennifer,” he said icily. “God, and I just wanted to say hi.”

“Yeah, right,” I snorted. It was Devon. He didn’t sit near me unless he had to. Ever since I had joined the “popular table,” he avoided sitting by me like the plague.

“So what, I can sit by my best friend?” he asked mockingly.

Ouch.

I got up and left. I’m sorry if I seem weak, but I like him. And we used to be best friends, despite the age difference. Why? He saved me from a bully in kindergarten.

He mocked our once best friendship. He mocked one of the few things that meant most to me. Bastard.

I heard a lot of “God, Devon, what’d you do this time?” sighs back at the table I had been sitting at.

Ah, the humor of the popular crowd. Until this year, they hadn’t even accepted me into their ranks. Suddenly, they realized I had lost about thirty pounds since freshman year and that my best friend, Selene, was hott.

Needless to say they extended invitations and Selene and myself accepted. How could we not? Fun parties, easier detentions…it was paradise.

I have to admit, the politics of it was rather sickening. The moment someone turned their back, everyone else started gossiping. It was kind of sad.

Selene was the one to follow me out…someone always did after I fought with Devon. She really was a best friend, unless the aforementioned Jackass.

Ah, but he had brown hair and brown eyes as well. Only his were drop dead sexy.

It didn’t matter if Devon ever liked me back anyway. After all, if he did I still couldn’t be with him. I have a feeling the fight we had over Marissa and him not sticking up for me would make it quite hard.

That and the many insults he had shot at me until this year. I had taken them all silently, thinking he was oh-so-hott and that it was at least attention. But could I ever really be with someone who had caused me to be anorexic sophomore year?

I don’t think so.

About the anorexia – don’t get me wrong. I’m actually not some pathetic insecure wimp. It’s just…well…everyone said I was fat, from Devon to my parents. Add that into a messy divorce in the family and the death of a grandparent and you got a pretty screwed up kid.

Not anymore though. Once Selene found out what was up, we had a good talk. Now I’m fine. Mostly. I still can’t handle the word “fat.”

Ah, dear diary, I got to go. The lunch bell does indeed ring. Farewell.

--

I hate him.

I don’t care if I like him, I hate him.

Why? Because he was shoving his tongue down Nina’s throat. Right in front of me.

Nina moaned, it was so gross. Or she liked it. Hm…

But off that. It was just like, ew? Get a room?

Stupid boy. I hope he rots in hell. I wonder how blind he is, to not know that I’ve had a major crush on him since I was in seventh grade…everyone else realized.

Whatever. Screw him.

--

Guys suck.

--

Okay, bedtime. Which means I can write for about twenty minutes. So I’ll just tell you what happened after school.

It was quite amusing, really. I was getting ready for swim, and walked out to the pool in my swimsuit. Of course, Devon has to be there. He looks me over once…twice…and I blush. But instead of the wolf whistle he gives all the other girls, he turns to his friends and says, quite clearly,

“Look at Fatty.”

Argh. I hate guys. The other guys looked at me appreciatively (so I did salvage some pride) but didn’t dare contest Devon, the Alpha male. Todd’s the Beta Male. Why? No freaking clue. Probably because he’s not as hott as Devon.

Either way, that totally killed my day. Guys are total bastards. Well, this one guy is.

Okay, I’m going to bed.

--Jennifer