What if ...

What if I never knew,

What a grown man looks like,

With out clothes .

What if I never knew what it feels like,

To have sex at the age of nine .

What if I never knew,

How to carefully hide the pain behind clothes and lies .

What if I never knew,

the inner workings of a psychiatric hospital .

What if I never knew,

The shame you feel when you’re tied down to a bed .

What if I never knew,

The way a blade feels against soft skin,

The way a diet pill feels, sliding down a throat,

The way a pen jammed down your throat makes you cry while you barf,

The way you pretend you’ve already eaten before, when inside you’re starving for more,

The way it feels when you smile and laugh to hide the tears,

The way you pretend to know that the voices inside your head aren’t real .

What if I never knew,

What it feels like to be,

Me .