I love you. You know that, right? Sometimes, I wonder if you do.

That night, when you stumbled through the front door, limbs flailing, muttering under your breath, smelling of beer and alcohol, I knew it would be one of the times when you were skeptical.

"H'lo, Hollly," you grin stupidly, and your voice is slurred. "How'sh the kidsh?"

They are asleep, of course. It is 2 in the morning after all. The only person awake in the house was me, waiting for you to return from your drinking binge. But you do not know this, nor do you wish to know.

"They're in bed, Kyle," I say softly, a deep contrast from your harsh, stark tones.

You sway to and fro, and I can see that you've gone through at least half a dozen beers. In the morning, your hangover will be terrible, so I move towards the kitchen, hangover remedies already on my mind. Surely, in a few hours, you will be in dire need of them.

"No...don't go!" you grab my arm, and I look up at you expectantly, to see eyes filled with desperation. You need reassurance again. Reassurance of a fact that you should know like the back of your hand.

You push your lips onto mine, and I am enveloped in the stench of drink and the smoke of cigarettes The kiss is suffocating, the unpleasant smells are overwhelming me, and all I want is to be away, away from you.

I shove you off of me, my eyes blank and emotionless. "I'm not going to kiss as drunk man," I say simply, subtly trying to steer you upstairs, where you can collapse on your bed and sleep off your drink, like usual.

But, you hang back, stopping me as well, and glare into my eyes. "'m not drunk, Holly."

"You are," I say, albeit coldly, and turn my back to you, deciding thatit might be easier just to let you sleep on the couch.

"Dammit, Holly!"

My eyes widen as you grasp my arm and turn me around, crashing your mouth into mine once more. When I look past the smells of beer on your breath, I realize that this is different from the first. It is desperate, pleading.

Again comes the need to escape, and so again, I place my hands on your chest, only to push you away, far away, and suddenly there are miles between us.

I watch exhaustedly as a full range of emotions flash across your face. Surprise, hurt, anger, and then...

"Whash the deal, Holly?" you slur, your face becoming redder by the minute. "Don't you wanna kish me?"

"No," I reply, not taking my eyes off you again. "Not right now, I don't."

The face reddens further, the glare intensifies, and I know that, though I have said what is right, my words only stoke the fire that is your drunken anger.

"Why not? You-you don't like me anymore, or something? Maybe-" your eyes glint, and for the very first time that night, I feel fear, tangible and real. "Maybe you like someone else now, huh?"

I push down the fear, remaining outwardly calm and say, "No. Go to bed, and be quiet. The kids are sleeping."

This apparently makes you grow even angrier. Even as I leave I can feel you reaching for me, hand outstretched, face as stormy as a hurricane. But I move onward, expecting very well what happens next.

"You've been cheatin' on me, haven't ya, Holly?!"

And then, just as I thought it would be, your hand, curled into a fist, is lodged into my stomach, and I have no choice but to lean over, sputtering and gasping for breath.

"Ansher me, you damn woman!"

Another fist beats its way into my shoulder, and I work hard not to wince at the sting. You expect too much of me, making me answer this question, while beating the wind out of me.

"O-of course not," I gasp out, cursing myself for sounding so weak.

"You bitch, you're lyin' to me, aren't you?"

As soon as you kick my legs out from under me, I know there is no reasoning with you anymore. You are drunk, you are angry, and you are unreachable. I have tried endlessly to climb to where you stand right now, and endlessly, I have failed. So now, finally, I think it is time to give up.

But by tomorrow evening, when your hangover wears off, I know you will return to a place where I can reach you, to the man I know and love. You will laugh and play with the children, and kiss me sweetly and gently, and everything will be wonderful again.

For the sake of tomorrow evening's man, I am willing to go through anything.

Because I love you.