Even though his eyes are artificial with the most adorning blue, and his hair is falsely colored with blonde,

I admire him from afar. His voice it calls my thoughts, telling me that even I could not write them down so well. We are of the same business but yet I would never be able to touch him. The temptation strewn by his body is a crazy feeling he gives to us all, but when I see him, when my eyes fall on his I know that its something else. Even if I am just looking at him through the television or a chance meeting we might have. If only he could see, how special we are.

On my off nights, I go down to the local pub and clear out the tables with any willing opponent,

the night seemed a little bit off to me, that rowdy Friday night would change my life for what it seems like an eternity, the pub was thickened with a layer of smoke created from burning nicotine, it fancied as fog, an alcoholic beverage lay at bay on every pool table side, all tables were full and I had one to my self.

Its not that I try to be so a-social and perhaps a bit provocative with my clothing, I mean, these days who doesn’t put on a pair of leather pants and a fishnet shirt for a night out on the town? I sure wouldn’t be out of that group, although to spice things up I did wear a pair of arm warmers and dangly earrings to match with my dark make up. The fact that I was a boy really didn’t disturb anybody at the pub, I believe by this point they'd all gotten use to me. Its my job isn’t it?

To impress people with my costume, my voice and little do they care what I have to say, as long as I can say it that is all that matters to me. My word is my passion, and I use my voice to let the world know how I feel. As for him, I feel that we have that same point in common although he being a Japanese Idol, and I, well, there’s nothing to say about me compared to anybody like him but the truth is there is no one that could compare, and that was why I was surprised when he walked in.

I hadn’t noticed at first it was when I struck the queue ball against the black eight in the farthest corner pocket he put his drink down on my table, I looked up and recognized him immediately, although I wouldn’t say such a thing, I wouldn’t fawn over him like some raging fan-girl, after all. I am a fan-boy, not a fan-girl. Slyly I let a smile appear on my face, "Your in my way." I said, "Your drink is going to put a ring on the table, so move." He seemed a bit disgusted with my statement, his blue eyes scanned my figure surely disgusted that I dressed a bit like everyone else tonight. "Rack." He said waiting for me to move...

I couldn’t believe this! You don’t just go over to someone else’s table and prepare for yourself to make the breaking shot, its just bad sportsman ship! really, it was but it had been so long sense Id seen him, I simply smiled to recognize my defeat. The simple fact of the matter being that he could always tell me what to do in any circumstance.

I gathered all the balls from the pockets as he stood there idly smoking, leaning his leather clad body on the table, burning questions lay within my throat that I knew I had to keep to myself, but oh did they burn- finally I had to ask one I couldn’t keep my mouth shut any longer. "Why," I asked him as I came to the eight ball that lay at rest in the farthest

corner next to where he stood... "Why did you come here after so long?" I have to admit, looking up into his eyes seeing that dull expression on his face only left me to melt into a puddle on the floor, he took a long drag of his cancer stick before he would answer me, or wouldn’t answer me...

He simply smiled at me and moved around my almost non existent form, I knew I shouldn’t have asked but I couldn’t help it. As he smiled I noticed something, I noticed an underlying sadness etched upon his face, I nearly reached out to him as he grabbed his queue and chalked it up quietly, but I pulled my hand back wanting to kick myself for trying to touch him so suddenly.

I smiled faintly as I watched him lean over the table, then insecurely stand up. "Do you want to go to my place?" he asked, ever so curiously did his eyes dance in the darkness. I felt my legs buckle but I did not waver in my human standing form, "Ok." He nodded then grabbing his jacket that had been placed upon a near by chair when he walked in, I nervously waited for instructions, "Do you want to ride with me or do you want to meet me there?" He asked, eyes sparkling in false hope, "I walked..." I said, without finishing my statement he began, "Then you will ride with me." it was so demanding, how could I ever protest?

I eagerly nodded and followed him out of the pub, going nothing short of unnoticed I wish I hadn’t been so flamboyant in my past visiting to this place, however I did learn my lesson as I followed the other out to his car, I looked for the mode of transportation I once new, finding it not to be the one, "Is that yours?" I asked pointing to a black one that seemed some what familiar. "No," he said taking a set of keys from his pocket standing next to a brand new Lexus. "This one."

I should have figured an A-list star like him would have nothing short than the brand new Lexus that was out, I smiled, a bit fearful to touch it, I could tell the other was waiting for me to get in, he started the car as I finally sat down in the lush leather interior. Although it didn’t quite have... That new car smell like I was expecting, "Buckle in." he said as if he were getting ready for something dangerous and alluring, again with out word I did as I was told putting the lap belt on hearing the familiar click as it was in all cars, quickly, with out looking behind him he pulled out of the parking lot.

It was then I so desperately wished they made a second break on the passengers side of the car, he zipped in and out of traffic, it had me holding my breath for quite sometime, some where in-between he reached for his cool colored sunglasses that sat on the leather dash, the car groaned silently as he shifted the gears. It was only when he bypassed a rig that I became startled when it tried to switch lanes in front of us that I called his name. "Shinji!" Only a smile played on his face as the music over powered my cry, "How do you like my car?" he asked, well... yelled. "Its fine but its not a motorcycle!"

I prompted as we exited the expressway, it was about the point we got to the dark alley that I was scared half to death and having a heart attack in the passengers seat when I noticed our surroundings had changed drastically, "Where are we going?" I asked looking over to him for answers, "Its really great, I had it customized." I twitched as he ignored my question, "Lean your seat back," he ordered although I highly protested, for once I wanted to see where we were going, and what in Gods name was coming our way. Although he would have none of it.

"Lean your seat back!" the music was to loud, it was bothering me but I tried to ignore it, "I had it customized just for sex!" he sounded awfully proud of himself, it was then that familiar feeling of dread came over me. I should have known that tonight would not be anything short of a romantic evening at the bay, sex in his car. Then it hit me, it was why I hadn’t smelt that new leather car smell I was expecting, I became nauseous, I noticed an upcoming golf course, it was dark and not many lights were on, it only mattered to have the lights above the pathways and holes for night time players.

And on a cold night like tonight there wouldn't be any. I sighed heavily as he pulled up to the sixteenth hole, he parked. "Alright, this is the only one that I haven’t hit ...." He looked over to me only to see a false smile, "oh?" I’m sure he couldn’t tell. No, he wouldn’t ever be able to tell how much he hurts me, "So...." his voice trailed as his gazed lifted to the playing field, I was still buckled in even though the maniac driver had come to a complete halt.

"Are we going to do this?" with a defeated sigh I let my head hit the head rest, "Do what you want to me." I could tell he was disgruntled with my attitude, and he deserved it as far as I was concerned, I peeked at him. To my surprised I saw a frown on his face, he unbuckled himself promptly and got out of his new toy, I watched him move. Yes, angry, oh was he dissatisfied with my actions, he lent against the hood of his gorgeous silver car, and lit a cigarette, unbuckling myself I followed although I didn’t attach myself to him like a sponge, I stood in front of his car again almost afraid to touch it.

But soon I became relaxed, "Green looks black in the dark," I had done this several times, and I could have kicked myself for thinking such stupid thoughts allowed, he took a long drag of his 'cancer stick' Again all I could do was let out a monochromatic sigh, I saw my breath in front of me. It was a horrible though to live your life alone. "Aishi," he said, I noticed his voice was rather concentrated, I only answered like the dog I was. My ears twitched as I caught my name in the cool silence of the night.

"Yes?" My eyes found there way to his form, standing there as he brooded over something.. "..Do you..." he said, he trailed off, leaving me on edge as to what he was going to say, "Do you.... " again, repeating himself like he always did when he became nervous, "What?" I finally asked to lighten the mood a bit, flashing my classic nerd smile at him although he wouldn’t see it because he wasn’t looking, "Do you like me?" he finally asked. I of course, was shocked at his question, I was left with my mouth gaping as he shied away, "hmn" I thought, maybe I will tease him just a little?

"Why should I give you the answer so easily?" I asked moving only a little closer, it was only a little I promise. He shied away, I tried desperately to grab him back into the conversation with out touching him, "Maybe I should take you home?" He asked looking at me with those soft blue eyes that only longed for some ones touch, and maybe, maybe it could be mine? My hands touched him. I couldn’t stop it, it was to late my emotions overpowered my weakened will. I pulled myself to him, "How could you ask such a question?" Surprise, it played on his quivering lip.

"I’m sorry, " He said, he'd never apologized to me before why now? " I thought you used me for sex like everyone else."

the statement was obscure, "no!" I cried, now I was frustrated, He flinched, I could tell he wanted to end the conversation and go home, "... I. I only did it before to be near you!" I was in a frenzy of hurt. but some where in there I felt relief, "I only had sex with you because I wanted to touch you... Be near you-"

shock, it sunk into his face. "Let me take you home," he said, Leaving me in the dark underneath those lush course trees. "Shinji" I cried, I felt pent up anger surfacing. He ignored my call to him, "Come on." He said standing away from me leaving my withering embrace. I wanted to scream, yes, perhaps screaming would be good, how stupid could he be? He had me, if he wanted me he had me! But such things would not come so easy with him, no. He was a corrupt angel that needed saving.

It was a quiet, safe drive home, I told him where to go and what streets were where, apparently we had both moved homes sense the last we’d seen each other, we came up to the iron gate of my estate. The gargoyle sat perched upon the brick wall that held the buzzer, “Roll down your window and hold the five key,” I said, instead of a four digit code I chose to have the alternative to holding down a number it was harder to guess.

He did as I said, I watched the iron gate open at the ping of the button being pushed for the required amount of time, I sighed as he drove over the cobble stone path. Lush green plants stuck out the sides over hanging onto the pathway nearly brushing his small car, although the pathway was wide, the plants

Were overbearing, as I looked around I decided to call the gardener the next day…

“Here,” I said, as it was hard to tell in the dark that the cobble stone path way he was driving on would soon end and turn into water feature in which only the eyes of an age old Buddha could perhaps bee seen twinkling in the moon light. He said nothing as he waited for me to get out, although I would request of him.

“Come in, please…” I begged him, it was obvious I had done so, as I spoke my voice cracked mid way and I could feel the hurt in my heart more prominent than when we were out on the course. “Alright,”

He said, I was surprised he hadn’t protested but when he reached over to my side I became nervous but then irritated as he reached for the box of condoms that would be hiding in the tiny glove compartment.

I said nothing as I unbuckled myself letting myself out of the contraption he called his car, I slammed the door behind me to watch irritation seep into his face, I waited for him to join me. I couldn’t help but look at him no matter how upset I was, I knew what lie underneath the dark coat, and black t-shirt I knew what was there.

As soon as he was at my side I walked up the cherry steps that led to large bungalow styled double doors.

“Home sweet home,” I uttered as he simply nodded waiting for me to enter, I fished out the key in my pocket, it so happened to be bothersome and stuck at the bottom of my leather pants pocket finally I got it and opened the door for him.

As he silently stepped into what I had called home, a home with no memories, no visitors, no good times.

I watched him, He was so confident in his step even if he wasn’t trying to play that way with me.

I wasn’t far off behind him I met him in the corner by the bay window, “Thirsty?” I asked trying to be polite, “No,” he answered. Sighing a bit I stood in front of him, “After so long you ask me that question?”

He looked at me silently, “I’m sorry.” he said a dazed look set in his falsely colored eyes.

“Come on,” he said tugging on my shirt, I sighed I so desperately wanted to tell him how I felt about him, “Shinji.” I uttered his name so effortlessly, the sounds coming off my lips like fire. “I’ve always…..” I tried to explain, I know what I wanted to say I had it right there in my mind but for some reason I couldn’t say it, he peered down at me wantonly, I wanted to kick myself as I stood there with my mouth gaping open.

He surprised me when he took my chin in-between his fingers, “Please,” he said his voice trailing with a thin layer of sincerity. I was defeated, defeated by the simple cooing of his voice! How easy was I? Apparently this easy, I felt my body fall. It fell quickly to the chase lounge that was idly placed underneath the bay window, overlooking the cobble stone pathway and the greenery outside. However, none of that mattered.

Warning NC-17

It was so familiar to have him atop of me, his tongue in my mouth fighting with my own, his leather clad hips rolled against mine I couldn’t help but moan at his touch, this was the feeling, where he drove us all crazy. Clothing would soon be gone from him and I. I had to touch it, every inch his torso, legs, his face.

“Please,” I heard his voice lightly in my mouth as his lips brushed gently against mine as he spoke, he uttered his words so desperately, although I thought he was being over dramatic. “Please….Have me.”

I could only coyly smile as he said such things to me in a time like this, “Alright,” How could I say no?

A simple switch of our positions would give him what he wanted, and hell. If I had to play top I wasn’t going to be nice about it! He could handle it, he is a part time sex icon after all, Why was it then that I had become nervous? It wasn’t like I hadn’t done this before, I am a musician we do these things for fun all of the time. Although he was different to me.

I readied myself with much thought, I could tell in his eyes that he wanted this, his soft baby blue eyes that sparkled with would be passion, finally pushing myself in after much teasing. He moaned loudly, it filled the room and if I had neighbors, they would have heard it.

I stopped breathing for a moments time before I continued, I decided I wouldn’t have any mercy on him for all of those times that he wouldn’t have any mercy on me. “Oh” It escaped his lips in hot breath, his soft cooing as I thrust myself into him made me want him more.

I wanted to tear his body apart with pleasure. At least, this is what I thought until I saw crystal tears drip from his eyes, “Shinji!” I yelled his name as I saw this and stopped all movements as I went to wipe tears away, “Your… Your crying,” I felt so selfish and undesirable at that time, he looked away from me. I frowned at this, “No, Please continue…”

I couldn’t believe he would ask such a thing! But I know I would make him feel so useless if I denied him of his act, slowly I continued. My chest tightened, my insides became warm as I kissed salty dripping tears away. I felt it, I pulled myself from him as I came…. I felt like collapsing I wanted to lay there next to him forever but such things would not happen just yet. I planted a gentle kiss to his tired lips soft as it was it made him stir uncomfortably, reaching down to touch his arousal… “No,” he cooed into my ear “you don’t have to-”

I couldn’t understand what made him this way, he used to be such a merciless tiger. Then here he was, a kitten in my arms, “Its ok.. Shh..” I tried to convince him with yet another soft kiss it seemed to work as his eyes fell closed, moving down I kissed his chest, stomach, naval…. I let my hands drag over his body.

As my lips came to his member his hips moved and made me smile, “Wait,” I said holding them down. I noted he was still very impatient when he wasn’t getting his way. Letting my tongue slide over his tip before truly taking it in my mouth I let out a soft noise, feeling his thighs caressing the skin. “Oh god,”

His head fell back against the chase lounge, the soft pillows beneath him would prove as comfort to simple pleasure. Again his hips tried to thrust upward although I had my hands on them they stayed put. Softly he moaned, I hadn’t really thought about it until it happened, he came into my mouth I pulled back to prevent choking and coughed only once.

END NC-17

I let the warm liquid drip from my mouth a moment as I caught my breath. Finally wiping it away I lay next to him, “Thank you.” He uttered softly into my ear, I wanted to hit him for that. Why couldn’t he just… Lay there with me? He sat up his body sticky with sweat. I frowned he looked idly for his shirt until I grabbed his arm. “Stay,” I pleaded with him finally maybe for the first time that night his eyes were on me.

“Alright…” I was surprised but tried to hide it, I felt ashamed for a moment as I lay there naked before him. “May I use your shower?” he asked, I looked at him “Yes of course…” I stood grabbing the fallen robe from the chase lounge, it had been knocked to the floor a simple silken robe was my favorite of the ones I had.

I took his hands, “This way,” smiling faintly I led him through the bungalow traipsing over the chestnut floors then I hadn’t noticed something as he tried to keep up, winding down a crooked hallway our destination was breeched. I let my body waltz into my master bedroom, “here we are.” I said.

Most reminding myself of the tour guides. I glanced around my clean unused room,, the bed was high and back in the corner, the floors were carpeted in the most crimson of reds, small tea lights hung in front of the large window which was now covered with a baby blue silken curtain. That same curtain let off a small glow of light reflecting from the floor lamps.

I sighed a bit as I noted he was anxious, I took him to the restroom, caked in marble and ebony was what he would see when I opened the heavy door. “Here” I murmured quietly, he nodded a bit waiting for me to leave, “You know I..” I lent against him for a moment to feel him tense placing a hand over his heart it beat, and it beat quickly. I kissed it there and forgot my words. Such was a beautiful curse, I looked down to see a pool of blood forming on the floor, shock. It set into my face, “S…Shinji!” I called as embarrassment set in on his face, I pulled back from him, yes it was his blood that curled down his legs and piddled in drips on the floor. “Your bleeding!” I cried out as I was so unsure of what to do.

“Its fine,” he insisted “NO!” I rejected anything he had to say out of sheer panic for him, and then it hit me, my stomach curled and flipped over. “Its my fault.” I whispered despair shuttering in my voice like cold air coming underneath the door in winter. “Please, just let me take a shower. It will be fine.” we both protested each other, his faint agonizing smile made me want to kill myself right then. Looking into his baby blue eyes I nearly cried.

Although I would do no such thing, “….If its not stopped by the time you get out of the shower, were going to the doctor!” I yelled at him, but hadn’t meant it. “please, please call for me if you need anything.” I begged as I reached up to touch his hurt face. He nodded simply and I left him to the shower, sighing as my feet carried me away from him.

I threw my robed body back on the chase lounge, curling in a small ball underneath that daunting bay window. Everything was to big now as I felt so incredibly small.

Hi everyone and thank you for reading this story! This is the first story I have written in years, and it is based off an RPG surprised? Although I must ask you please not to read anything else I have written, its all old crap… I will try to get chapters out as much as I can, I want them all to be at least 7-10 pages so it may take awhile for an update but please leave comments, but no flames. If you don’t like gay relationships, please DON’T read this story. I will always put up a NC 17 warning, and END post, so if you don’t want to read the sex, you don’t have to! Thank you so much again.