Neither of us ever dreamed of this day. Who would? Of course, you might read about it happening to other people, in other places and times, but not here, not now, and certainly not us. And for such a reason! Such an old, petty injury! So what if he chose me over her? Breakups happen all the time, and for reasons much less worthy than his. I wonder if she does this to every man who rejects her, and who finds another to love. Can anyone be this twisted?

But now I'm getting bitter, and we can't have that. God, forgive me for speaking ill of her, for she is your daughter just as much as I am. I cannot love her, but I know you do. Forgive me for not being able to see that and accept it.

Oh! How? How in the world could anyone love her? After what she has done--the choice she has given me? As if it was a choice. Of course, that's the point, isn't it. I will choose God, and she will kill my husband because I do not love him above all else. But we agreed, long before we married, that there must be some one thing that a person loves above all else, and for us, it would be God, no matter where our relationship went. We never dreamed our resolve would be tested in this way. Our only thought at the time was to avoid jealousy because one of us wished to be placed above God in the other's affections. Still, the resolution was made and agreed upon, and we found that sharing that common love for God only enhanced our love for each other. So he knows the choice I will make. He knows, and he won't fault me for it.

What if I just say that I love him more? What if I just pretend that he is first, not second in my life? It's just this one time, and we both know I don't really mean it. Would she set us free? Something makes me doubt that. But she wouldn't kill him, and that is something, something very important.

"Before the cock crows you will deny me three times."

Oh, no, no, no, I can't do that. There's nothing for it. It's God all the way, and how could I ever think otherwise? How could I ever betray Him? Have I learned nothing from the Bible? Don't I know better than to follow Peter's example in that?

But I just got him! We've only been married a month, Lord! And now, am I to loose him so soon? Is that it? A honeymoon of bliss, and then despair for the rest of my life? Surely You would not do that to me. Didn't You say that we would become one flesh after we were wed? And it is true, on so many levels. I can't send half of myself to be destroyed so soon. I don't think the other half is strong enough to make it that far alone.

"And remember, I am with you always, to the end of the age."

Yes, I know. But he made me no such promise, and even if he had we would both know that he couldn't keep it. And it is he I fear losing, not You! I know that I cannot lose You, and for that I am grateful. I'm not worried about that. I'm worried about him. I'm worried that there will never be a day when I don't agonize over my decision, because You know it's already decided, and there will never be a day when I don't regret choosing You. I don't want to regret choosing You! It's only been a month Lord, please, take this horrible choice away and let me keep you both! Just a few more years... let me have children, as we dreamed of, and let us grow old together like we promised we would. You have all of eternity for us; surely a few years won't make a difference!

Oh, if I could just see him! He would put my mind at ease, I know he would. He would reassure me that he understands, and that he loves God more than he loves me, too, so it's okay and he isn't angry that I can't choose him. He would tell me that he does love me, and that I know he loves me, and if it had to be one of us he is glad that it will be him because he wants to give me a chance at life. He would tell me not to hide from the rest of the world, and that I could grieve for a little while if I wanted but someday he expects me to find somebody else to marry and he'll see me in heaven. He would kiss me and remind me that we were not made for this world but the next, and that he can't wait to get home at last, and his only regret would be leaving me to suffer. But then, I have God's joy, so I wouldn't be suffering for long, and all of this is just part of his plan so it will all turn out all right in the end.

But what if he didn't? What if he told me that he isn't ready to die yet, and he wants me to save him? I can't betray him like that! God, why can't I just have you both? You know how much I love him. I don't want to hurt that much, God.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding."

I am trying, Father. You know I will not deny you. Besides, how can I lean on my own understanding when I don't understand any of this? I just wish there was another way, so that I could have you both. I know what I have to do but I lack the strength to do it, and I know that it will only come from You. Please, give it to me!

Still... it's such a little lie. You know I love him almost as much as I love you. It wouldn't be much of an exaggeration at all to say that I love him with all my heart. I could just leave out the part that I love You with all my soul, which is much better than my heart because it contains my heart and then some. It wouldn't really be a lie, would it?

"The truth shall set you free."

God, what am I saying? Isn't this the ultimate test of my faith? And wouldn't that be the worst failure imaginable? Of course I might be forgiven for it, but the act of doing it at all is far too repulsive for me to seriously consider. No, I won't.

Besides, how selfish I'm being! It isn't as if I'll be doing something so terribly dreadful by letting my husband go home. Indeed, we talked about it often, about how it might be when we die. How glorious it will be when we finally arrive in the home our Lord has prepared for us! Why should I beg to keep him from that? If God wants him home, I certainly have no right to object. He isn't mine, he was just loaned to me for a little while, and I to him. The only reason I hesitate is because I want to keep him with me. Because I will miss him, I would suffer without him. Oh, no, this will never do. I will rejoice in the time we spent together and then I will tell the truth. And then I will leave it up to God, because that's what really matters. Besides, who knows? Miracles still happen. I might be lucky enough to keep him despite what I say. Who knows what changes God will work on her heart? Or maybe he'll have escaped, and she won't be able to kill him anyway. Then he could go for help and we'd both be safe. And together. I might be working myself up over nothing.

Oh, Lord, my Glorious Heavenly Father:

Forgive me for even considering denying you. I know that You love me and that You are with me, and I promise that I will always cling to You. You are my rock and my salvation, and I rejoice in you for you have conquered the grave and my fears. My strength and my hope is in you, Lord. Help me to do what must be done and give me the strength to bear the consequences, whatever they might be. And please, give me peace. Give me peace.

In the name of your Son I pray. Amen.

There. It is done, the decision has been made and reconciled and for the first time, I am at peace with it. Tomorrow, when she confronts me, I will be ready and I won't hesitate to give my answer. Until then, I'll sleep, and I might actually be able to get some rest, too.

In the morning, I am surprised to see my husband enter the room behind our captor. I suppose I shouldn't be. She probably wants him to hear my answer from my own lips and die with it ringing in his ears. I bet she thinks he will suffer because of it. She knows what my answer will be, I'm sure of it.

He meets my eyes steadily and in his gaze I see what I had demanded to see last night: he loves me, and he accepts my decision. No, that's not quite it, because there's something of an apology in there and I can't imagine why. But neither of us is stupid enough to try speaking in front of her.

"Now," she says smugly, "I think you have something to tell each other. Who is it you really love more than anyone or anything else in existence?"

I think we both realize at the same time what she has done, because his eyes go wide with mine and we both break into these triumphant grins. I want to laugh, because all my agony last night has come to nothing. Whether we live or die, we will do it together and that's all that matters.

I take a deep breath and nod at him. Together, we say, "God."

The End