I am truly a fool.
I am truly a fool.
I am truly the biggest fool to ever set foot on this planet.

To think that I could actually find love.
Well, find it yet but not have it returned. Hahaha.
I've become so skilled with it, being the one who wants it and yearns for it.
Yet I have never had it returned to me, never. Never once did I ever have it returned to me.
As much I tried to give, as much as I tried to show it, as much as I wanted to share it, I never got it back.
It is as if my love is totally incompatible with everyone else.
Something that I dont blame them for resisting, I am warped in the mind.
I am still warped in the head.
I always pictured myself as those lonely hero's that after immense hardship and adversities in life, would one day be rewarded with a love of a lifetime.
I thought I always was such a person and believed in it once I met her, I really wanted it to work. I really wanted it to really work out in what I believe would have been one of the most beautiful relationships in existance.
The relationship that would be the envy of all, the relationship that would truly last the sands of time.

And I cant cry anymore, I cannot. I cried all that I could already over her, over what has transpired after so long, a length of time in consequential in comparison to the history of man.
As much as I want to will myself to, I cannot.
I feel like I cannot cry anymore.
I cannot cry anymore.
My eyes become wet yet there are no tears.
Nothing to help me alleviate my fears.

If I have been so correct about her all this while, why should I doubt the thoughts and conclusions I have about her then?
I wished I never knew, I wished that I was truly ignorant and blind to what goes on.
I really now wished I never met her. I dont want to feel all this pain anymore.
I dont want to be reminded in every breath that I take right now that all I can live for is her.
I dont want to base my whole future on the idealistic hope that she's the one at the end of the tunnel.
Waiting for me, waiting for me to come to her and release her from her chains.
For the sole hope that the future that we lead would be happy, for not only us but for the children that I want to bear with her.
I want so many things, I have lost so many things along the way.
I have lost everything I wanted to believe in.
I have lost my humanity.
I have lost my sanity.

I am going insane and I wished I was dead sometimes.
Yet I cannot bear the responsibility of hurting my family, my friends and those that know me.
I want to love, that's all I ever wanted.
I just want to love someone.
Why is it so hard for me not to be able to do so?
Why must I always be only attracted to those who'd eventually just tear my heart apart and hurt me?

Why must I always feel this way?
Why must I always be the last one to know?
Why must I be the one who has to bear the pain and suffering over a matter that should have brought joy to our hearts?
Why couldnt I just.....just forget her so easily.....

Why must she tempt me with such possibilities?
Why must she..........

I cried......Tears that do not bear meaning anymore.
Tears that are as normal as the rain drops that fall outside my window.
Tears that no one cares about.
Tears that are worth nothing.
Yet to me, I must shed this tears....

I must shed them and just believe in myself.
That I can and will get through this....

Ambiguity and doubt cloud my vision and thoughts, perplexing me and yet making me realize the actual truth.
That in the end, the one who loves the most gets hurt the most.
By the one's they love the most....