Please God, I Need This Job

I can’t believe it. I just can’t believe it. I should have never even answered the phone. I knew I shouldn’t answer it, I knew it. But, I simply had to do it anyway. Isn’t that just like me? So, another narrow-minded producer doesn’t think I’m good enough for his show. What a surprise that is. The man couldn’t even call me himself; he had to have his assistant do it for him. ‘Hello, this is Ms. Madson calling on behalf of Mr. Weincroft.’ What a jerk. Okay Tom, losing your temper won’t do you any good. Calm down. Tick-tock. Tick-tock. That’s such a soothing sound. At least Adrian didn’t get the job either. In fact, he didn’t even get a call-back. But I was so sure this was my big break, how could I have been so wrong? I stuck that audition, it was perfect. Then, when they asked me to come back again, I was so sure that I’d get this one. I mean, sure the others were telling me afterwards that it lacked a certain flair, but they were just jealous. Yes, that’s right, they all can only dream of talent like mine. Of course, I’d never say so to their faces. That would be rude. It’s all still rather disheartening though.

All these excuses are really beginning to get on my nerves. I’m too tall, too skinny, too stern looking. I can’t believe that a couple producers actually had trouble with my dark brown hair. I mean, how on earth is that possibly a problem? Just stick me in a wig if it bothers you so much, I wouldn’t be offended. Tick-tock. Tick-tock. It seems that this time around, what was it she said, I don’t quite fit the image they had in mind for the role. I suppose that must be their way of telling you they think you’re horrible without actually saying the words.

Well, maybe taking the day off will help. I haven’t just taken a day off in ages. At least I have a comfortable couch. I could sit here all day. Just sit staring at the clock. Tick-tock. Tick-tock. You know, this apartment isn’t so bad. I hated it before, but it’s really not bad at all. The color of these walls has to change though. The off-white is enough to make a person ill. It’s really kind of cramped feeling as well. I really do need to find a place with more space. But really, where in the city could I hope to find a larger apartment that’s this quiet for an affordable price? Tick-tock. Tick-tock. I might as well face it. I got a real bargain here. If the landlord hadn’t been so desperate to rent, I doubt I could ever have hoped to afford this place.

But, how much longer can I afford it? Even at the reduced rate, the rent is nothing to sneeze at. Maybe getting an apartment in the city wasn’t such a great idea after all. At this rate, the inheritance from my birth parents will be gone in no time. I shouldn’t have ever left home. They all tried to tell me, everyone, but I wouldn’t listen. I really should have listened to what dad said just before I left ‘Son, you’re not chasing after anything in New York City that can’t be found right here if you’re willing to look.’ He was right. But I had to be a stubborn fool like always. Maybe I could call and ask to come home. They’d let me, I know they would. Tick-tock. Tick-tock. I could go to L.A., do some film work. I could always come back to the city someday. But no, if I go back I’d be admitting I was wrong. I can’t do that.

Maybe I can find a job somewhere, just until my career takes off. Just for a bit of income. That’d make auditioning pretty tough though. I can’t believe my plan is falling completely apart around me. I was supposed to have a steady part in a show by now. I should be out there working in a Broadway musical right this moment. I’ve gone to every audition, but haven’t even gotten hired for a single role yet. Tick-tock. Tick-tock. Those people are nuts. They wouldn’t know real talent if it stood right in front of them. I mean, I stood in front of them didn’t I? I suppose I have to be practical, the bills have to be paid. I can either go home or I can get a job. Talk about a disappointment. What a disaster.

One thing is for sure. I can’t afford to stay directly in the city anymore. Even with a job, the rent is switching to the normal rate next month, and I can’t afford it. I think I read in one of these papers something about commuting from New Jersey. Hmmm… let me see. Tick-tock. Tick-tock. Oh, here it is. I could move to New Jersey for a lot less, and get to the city by bus in less than half an hour. So, if I get a job within a week I’ll move to New Jersey, otherwise I go back home. That’s a fair deal. I do hate the idea of leaving the city though. I love it here; it’s so full of life all the time. Oh, who am I kidding? I’m a college graduate that switched to acting, I must be insane. I should be off at Graduate School right now or something, not sitting here planning out how to survive the coming months without being homeless. But, I want to act. God, if only I could go back in time and stop myself from seeing that production of ‘The Phantom of the Opera’ which led me to this stupid decision, then I’d be doing something far more sensible right about now.

All I really need is an income. A bit of money coming in to offset what goes out. That’s all. Is that really asking too much? I know I can be great if I get the chance. Nobody is giving me a fair chance. Tick-tock. Tick-tock. I have enough rejection letters alone to wallpaper this whole apartment. I could even do a double layer, that’d make it really modern looking. I wonder if they’d keep the security deposit if I did that. I wish the phone would just ring. Come on, one call with some good news, that’s all I ask. Just one little tiny phone call, that’s all I wish for. Damn you phone, ring. I’m giving you one last chance.

Damn, the phone. I cannot believe that actually worked. It’s actually ringing. Where did I put it? This is ridiculous. I really need to clean this junk up later. There it is… Am I hearing what I think I’m hearing? Tick-tock. Tick-tock. The actor had to turn down the role, some junk about scheduling conflicts and contractual obligations, as if I would really care why he can’t do the show. They actually want to know if I’m still interested. Hmm, let me think about this. Am I still interested? Yes, you idiots. Of course I am. Oops, I hope I didn’t say that out loud. Come on Tom, remember to be polite. I’m absolutely still interested; it was very kind of them to get back to me so quickly. Monday? Yes, I can absolutely come in for rehearsals on Monday. Okay, now one last polite thank you. Tick-tock. Tick-tock. Finally, I’m on my way.