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Author’s Note: Welcome to the grand opening of The Weight of the World! Anything you might recognize in this story such as brand names, stores, places, or people (if you happen to personally know me) I do not own nor care to own. I have this whole story planned out chapter-by-chapter and have three chapters written. That does not mean that I will be updating every other day. Maybe, if we’re both lucky, I’ll update every other week. I’m currently student teaching and my time is spent on other things at the moment.
Thank You,
Sunne
“Smooth Modulator”
Being a senior in college is nothing like being a senior in high school. When you’re a senior in high school you are glad to finally be out of that hellhole and on to something better. You feel like you’re finally on to becoming what you want to be. When you’re a senior in college its almost like you want to backtrack to your freshman year because you finally realize in a year or so you will be dumped out into the real world and, frankly, you aren’t ready yet. Everything piles up on you from every possible angle until you eventually blow up in the middle of your dorm room.
Ok, ok, maybe I’m not being realistic with that last statement. However, I do feel unready for the real world. I mean, come on, it’s the real world where the only thing I’ll have to fall back on is myself. Screwing up means I’ll take the full brunt of the consequences.
I’m a young adult here, almost at the end of the road of growing up. In a year and a half I’ll be kicked out into the world to see whether everything I’ve learned in the past twenty-one years has done me any good. It’s almost time to see if the education department at Northern Illinois University has done a decent job or not. Yes, I’m an Elementary Education major. That means in a year or so I’ll be teaching kids. Scary huh?
Currently, I’m just sitting here in my dorm room wondering what there is to do. Not too sure why I’m actually wondering what there is to do because I know very well what there is to do in Dekalb, Illinois. After practically living here for the past three years I have become very familiar with the three things there is to do in Dekalb.
Number one. Go to a party; drink until you can’t tell the refrigerator from the bathroom; pass out in the hallway and wake up the next morning with a headache the size of Russia and penises doodled all over your face in permanent marker.
Number two. Get all dolled up; gather up a hoard of friends and head on over to the bar for a night of two-dollar drafts. Afterwards hit up Pita Pete’s for a late night snack before heading back to your dorm to crash.
Number three. Hop in your car; drive down Rt. 23 to Super Walmart. Meander up and down the aisles looking for something to buy. The toy aisle is most entertaining resulting in you standing in front of a Leap Frog for ten minutes amused at its easy games and puzzles. You leave feeling smarter and the proud owner of a brand spanking new air freshener for your room.
Sadly, all three of those ideas just wont do for tonight, although I want nothing more than to get drunk. Normally I’m not a big drinker, but tonight is my first night back at school and I feel the need to celebrate. Walmart is rather tempting at the moment too, but then again when is it not tempting for me. I know the Dekalb Walmart so well I swear I could give tours. Rejecting the Walmart idea in favor of saving the little money I have, I sit back and sigh.
Glancing at my cell phone I wish Melissa would return my phone call. Melissa is my good friend from last year. We met at the beginning of last semester and since we had all our classes together, thanks to the education program here, we became fast friends. You can actually thank her for bringing me out of my shell and back into the social world. I have hermit tendencies that tend to rear their ugly little hermit heads when they feel the need.
The other week Melissa and I had planned on having a back to school get together. Her best friend from home, Cam, short for Cameron, has finally made her way to NIU, for her freshman year. Melissa and I theorized the other week that it would be spectacular if the three of us, and Melissa’s boyfriend, Andy, got together for the night and drank ourselves silly. I’ve been looking forward to this for a while because I haven’t seen Melissa since the end of the previous semester and I miss her.
I pick up my phone and dial Melissa’s number again and wait for it to start ringing. It rings, and rings, and rings. My heart starts to droop until I hear the other end of the line pick up.
“Hey, it’s me-“ then I’m cut off.
“Hi, you’ve reached Melissa Danilla. I’m not in right now. If you could leave your name and number after the beep I’ll get back to you in a bit.”
Damn, she’s still not picking up. Perhaps she’s preoccupied, or something. I look at the clock on my computer and it reads 9:45 PM. What should I do for the night? My thoughts drift over to the idea of going to Walmart again but before the idea can fully form in my head I hear the ding of my AOL Instant Messenger.
BuriedALie: Hey Jenna.
Sunne: Well hey there Joe.
Joe and I met a few months ago through Xanga, an online journal-hosting site very similar to Live Journal. We clicked immediately and haven’t stopped talking since. This is Joe’s first year at NIU even though he is a sophomore. He transferred from a community college. Ironically enough, we ended up being placed in the same residence hall and in the same tower. I don’t know if you want to call it fate or anything, but things like that don’t just happen randomly.
Sunne: Are you moved in already?
BuriedALie: Yeah, I didn’t know that my room would be so huge!
Sunne: Well, that’s why Stevenson is so great. The rooms are large.
Stevenson is the residence hall where I, well where we live. Its an upperclassman residence hall meaning that freshman don’t typically get placed here. The rooms are all really nice and big. It’s like a five-star hotel.
BuriedALie: Yeah.
Sunne: Have you met your roomie yet?
BuriedALie: No, not yet.
Sunne: Ah, well.
BuriedALie: So, what are you up to?
Sunne: Not much, just sitting around. You?
BuriedALie: Basically the same thing. My friend Maddy from back home is going here too so she’s over. We’re just hanging out.
Sunne: Cool.
BuriedALie: Would you maybe like to meet up or something tonight?
Meet up? Oh jeez, he wants to meet me and hang out. What should I say? I do want to meet him; he intrigues me. Then again, I only know him over the Internet. However, we are practically neighbors now, considering we live in the same tower. Ah, what the hell.
Sunne: Sure. Do you wanna come here or should I go over to your room?
BuriedALie: How about you come here so I don’t have to walk up like six flights of stairs.
Sunne: Haha, ok. What floor do you live on?
BuriedALie: The 6th. How about you just come down here, Maddy and I will wait for you at the crash doors.
Sunne: Ok.
BuriedALie: Ok, see ya in a few then.
Oh man, oh man, oh man. I’m going to meet Joe. Like an explosion, my nerves erupt in my stomach. I get really nervous before I meet people that I don’t know that well, I always do. After I do a quick once over of myself to make sure I’m presentable, I gather my keys and make it to the stairwell.
The steady thwump thwump of my yellow flip-flops on the concrete stairs echoes up and down the stairwell. As I approach the sixth floor I can hear two people talking, no doubt Joe and Maddy. As I reach the seventh floor my stomach starts to do a couple flips. Just a few more steps then I’ll be face to face with the guy who I’ve been talking to for several months. The guy who, maybe possibly, I might have a thing for.
Turning the corner, I come face to face with Joe and Maddy.
“Hi,” I quietly say.
“Hey.”
“Hi.”
The three of us look at each other for a few seconds, a few seconds that evolves into awkwardness.
“How’s it going?” I utter randomly.
“Fine.”
Random awkwardness. Unfortunately, it is indeed the bane of my existence.
“Oh,” Joe speaks up, “Maddy, this is Jenna. We met online.”
I smile at her and she smiles back.
“What year are you?” I ask of Maddy.
“A freshman.”
“Ah,” I nod, “I’m a senior.”
Even more awkward silence.
“So, are we just going to stand around the stairwell?” I stutter.
“Um,” Joe pauses, “no.”
Opening the door, I walk down the hallway, which is very similar to my hallway up on the eleventh floor. Joe’s room is very barren, typical for a guy I guess. The three of us sit down at his computer and proceed to discuss music for an hour. Oh, excuse me, Joe and Maddy discuss music for an hour while I sit there and interject random comments which in fact fit nowhere in the conversation.
This is the most awkward situation I fear I have been in for a long time. Not only is it awkward, but I’m feeling self-conscious as well. You see I’m not exactly what you would call fit. I’m a full figured girl. I’ve got curves, plenty of them and I’m very self-conscious about every one of them. So here I am, the ‘fat’ girl sitting with two people who are essentially ignoring her. My thoughts are racing a million miles a minute.
I hate what I’m wearing.
Why are they ignoring me?
Is it the way I look?
I can’t make a good comment.
Fuck, I want to go back to my room.
What’s even worse, Joe and Maddy know each other well. I’m completely at a disadvantage here. First, I’m in a strange guy’s room. Oh, that sounded not so good. Anyways, second, I don’t really know him. Third, I don’t know Maddy. Fourth, Joe and Maddy are really good friends.
After a torturous half hour or so, Joe and Maddy get tired of discussing music and suddenly look at me. I’m in my own world at the time and only return to the present when I’m asked what we should do.
“Huh? Oh, um. I dunno,” I utter stupidly.
“You know what I’m so so so addicted to right now?” Maddy exclaims, “DDR.”
Oh, I love DDR. Finally something I can talk about.
“Oh, so am I.”
“I so wanna play right now,” she mutters.
“I’ve got it for play station.”
“Cool, we should play. We can teach Joe.”
“Ok, its upstairs right now. Do you wanna play upstairs or in Joe’s room?”
“Mine, there’s more room,” Joe responds.
“Ok.”
The three of us head on over to my room where we get my DDR game and mat then head back down to Joe’s room. For the next hour we take turns playing DDR. Amazingly, considering Joe doesn’t have much experience playing DDR, he is rather good at it. I’m almost jealous. Eventually we all collapse due to exhaustion and stare at each other or the wall.
“I think I should get back to my room,” Maddy says after a few moments of silence.
Joe gets up and grabs his keys, “Alright, I’ll walk you. Just to make sure nothing happens to you.”
I sit there for a moment, as the scene turns awkward again, “I guess I’ll go back to my room too.”
“Ok,” Joe says.
Grabbing my DDR stuff, we head on over to the elevators. Joe and Maddy’s elevator down comes then my elevator up arrives.
Back in my room I check my cell phone in hopes that I have a missed call from Melissa. Disappointingly, I have no missed calls. Maybe she just doesn’t want to hang out with me.
No, don’t think that. She’s probably just busy unpacking still and hasn’t had a chance to return my phone call yet. Or perhaps she’s tired and went to bed already. I look at the clock, it says 11:49 PM, and decide that that is indeed what Melissa has most likely done. Following suit, I too get ready for bed and climb up the ladder to my lofted bed and fall asleep.
