Chapter 1

Trevor sucks.

Anyone ask me how I feel about him, or even mention him, and that’s what will most likely come out of my mouth.

Trevor sucks. Trevor sucks ass. Trevor likes ass. Just not mine.

But this isn’t going to be all about anger, or how much I hate him. Because I really don’t hate Trevor (despite his obvious suckyness).

Perhaps if I began again, less angry, bitter, jealousy-ridden and wounded, this could actually be intelligible. Which is asking a lot from a boy who just got his heart destroyed from someone he thought cared about him.

The first time I met him, I was waiting at a bus stop. Or maybe he was the one at the bus stop first and I joined him? In the long run it doesn’t matter to me which way it went, but for the sake of over-analyzation, I’ll say he approached me.

Since Summerfest was in full swing and money was short, I was trying out a new bus route, and at the time I thought it must have been my lucky day when he followed me onto the bus and into the seat next to me.

We were the only ones on the bus aside from an ornery old man who kept swearing angrily near the front of the bus. Turning to my seat partner, I found him already staring directly at me. I smiled shyly before looking at the tv screen as “Beat the Clock” spelled out a domestic phrase in spanish.

“Hey, you from around here? I’m Trevor.” He asked, in what at the time I would have described as a “cute gay” voice, but what now in hindsight I’d just call gay. Like I said, bitter, bitter.

“Yeah, I live right here in Milwaukee.” I said, still shy, glancing at him from the corner of my eye.

“Good, I don’t have to worry about you getting lost then. Do you have a name?” He said smoothly, his greenish blue eyes peering into my scared golden brown ones.

“Nate.” I managed to get out before my throat closed up.

The large entry for the summerfest grounds just a block ahead of us, I got ready to pull the yellow string to alert the bus driver. The angry old man beat me to it, swearing and shouting as he stood up and tried to get off the bus while it was still in motion. I tried to hide my fear, getting old alone was always something that scared and disconcerted me.

We followed behind him off the bus, my eyes following the poor man as he shouted to who knows what on the street as he passed, homeless men cracking an eye open from their perch on a bench or alley to look at him as he passed.

“Aw, don’t worry about it. I wouldn’t’ve let him do anything to you.” Trevor said, completely misreading my horror as he wrapped an arm around my shoulder. I couldn’t think of anything to do but stand there and let him. When I didn’t pull away, he must have gotten some surge of confidence, because his grip on my shoulder tightened and we began to walk awkwardly towards the entrance.

Once in line for our tickets, I began digging around for mine, since I had a free entrance ticket someone had given me. But instead of a ticket I found an “IOU” in my friend’s handwriting.

“Don’t worry, I’ll pay for it.” Trevor said, before I even remembered he was there, and since I never turn down free things, I stayed silent until after he paid for both tickets.

“You owe me now.” He smirked, looking down at me until I gave him a weak smile and a nod.

“What should we do first?” He asked as we began walking through the crowds of already drunk people, though the sun hadn’t even set yet.

“Actually I’m supposed to be meeting my friend’s over by the Laser stage-“ I began, before he cut in.

“Ew, no way, I hate rock. Let’s go over by the Kiss FM stage.” I was immediately dragged off in the direction of the worst stage possible; the pop stage.

I glared at the back of his head, but he somehow couldn’t feel my eyes burning holes because he just kept walking, a big hand clamped painfully around my (non-existent) bicep.

“See? This is so much better than your nasty area.” Trevor said, and I noticed for the first time that he was wearing not only a bright pink and white striped polo shirt, but that his nails were painted bright pink as well. There was even a pink stud in his ear.

Ugh, can you say BAD SIGNS any louder? Apparently I had not only gone mute, but blind as well. And probably very very stupid.

We stayed at that stage listening to lame bands singing, me sending shifty glances around me at all the Abercrombie and fitch/aeropostale ad look alikes, boring, pastel and blonde people swaying around drunkenly, before I finally let my true side come out.

“Trev, this is sooo lame, please can we go somewhere else? Anywhere else, cuz this sucks.” It took all my self-control not to sound bitchy.

Trevor looked at me for a second before reaching a finger out and touching the tip of my nose. “Just like a puppy, so cute.”

Was that supposed to shut me up? Embarrassingly enough, it worked.

“Oh, um… thanks.” I was already beginning to match my red shoes.

“What does puppy want to do? We can go on some rides if you want?” He looked down at me again, having at least 4 inches height on me, and fully using it to his advantage.

“Rides would be fine.” I gritted out, trying to hide the fact that I quite liked the new pet name “puppy”.

That’s how I found myself in a small two-person seat on the Ferris wheel. With Trevor, my newly found stalker/fascination. At that point I think I truly was fascinated with him, and not sure really what to think. I knew I was gay, but did he think I was? Was I being rude in just assuming he was gay because of the way he talked, and well… looked?

My thoughts were broken when his hand found my thigh, making me jerk my head up to look at him. He smiled as if he didn’t know what I was staring at him for.

“It’s beautiful up here, isn’t it?” I said, glancing out at the reflection of the sinking sun beyond the tall buildings of downtown Milwaukee, casting broken strings of orange and gold upon the waves of Lake Michigan.

“Yeah, sure. So, how far have you gone with a guy before?” Trevor asked, making me frown at him.

“I don’t care if you’re a virgin, I’m not shallow like that.” He stated, as if that’s what I had been upset about. Though something about the entire situation made me feel like I wanted to talk.

“Well, not much really. I mean, there was this kid on my team when we went to Kentucky who was always all over me whenever we got stuck alone, so um… I mean we didn’t actually…” I paused, wondering why I couldn’t stop talking even when I sounded so stupid. “The rest of my team thought I was joking when I said he liked me, so they um… they locked me in a tool shed with him and hetalkedmeintosuckinghimoff.” I turned my head fully to the side, watching people dancing down below at a classic rock stage. Was it possible for me to want to die any more than right then?

A hand came out and grabbed my chin, forcing me to look at his face.

“Did you like it?”

“What the fuck kind of question is that?” I asked, wishing desperately that the stupid Ferris wheel would ever move so the ride could just be over and I could maybe slip away into the crowd.

“Just answer the question, did you like it?” His hand hurt my chin, but in a way his forcefulness was turning me on more than anything else was.

“Of course I did, he was hot and wanted me.” As soon as it came out of my mouth his broke out in a broad grin.

“You really are a puppy.” I stared at him incredulously, until he leaned over and kissed my nose. Then my stare was simply loathing.

“Yeah, well you’re an idiot. Why won’t this ride MOVE?!” I shouted, making our seat rock back and forth. Trevor let out a laugh and grabbed my arms before I could make the seat rock any more.

“You scared, being so high up?” He asked me, somehow missing another one of my angry glares.

Oh yes, that was why I was shaking our seat, because I’m scared of heights.

Rolling my eyes, I shook my head no as the ride finally began. Momentarily distracted by the movement of the Ferris wheel, I didn’t notice the hand replace itself upon my thigh until it had made it’s way up almost between my legs.

“And what do you think you’re doing?” I asked, trying to hide the nervousness in my voice, as his hand didn’t stop moving up.

“Giving you a hand job right here.” Trevor said a little too easily, as if he said stuff like that all the time.

I glanced around, it was dark enough now that people probably couldn’t see us very well, but I was uneasy all the same. Not to mention I didn’t even know this guy who was about to do something no one had done to me before. I didn’t have time to say anything though, because in a matter of seconds he had undone the front of my shorts and his hand had disappeared in my boxers.

I sat perfectly still, mildly horrified, as his hand wrapped around me, and slowly moved over it. As his one hand started to stroke me the other came up to my chin and jerked my face towards his, making me look into his eyes. I knew I must look terrible, I could feel my blush going all the way across my nose, cheeks, and to my ears. His hand sped up, and it seemed the Ferris wheel did too.

Feeling spread through my entire body, this strange surge, and I tried to close my eyes but Trevor demanded I keep them open so I did. Everything just kept getting faster, and I was falling farther, and suddenly I felt like I would explode. And I did, all over his hand and my clothes.

He pulled back, intensely satisfied with himself, took out some kleenex from his pocket, and cleaned himself and me up as best as he could. All I could do was sit there, disheveled, embarrassed and feeling very dirty and like a whore.

A/N: Ok, so please whether you liked this, hated it or are indifferent, review to let me know how you reacted or that you read this. Thanks