(Author's Note: This is a paper for my "Studies in Women Writers" course concerning Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice. The prompt she gave us concerned the nature of "civility" and she asked us to use evidence in the book to make a general statement about the state of politeness and manners in our modern day. Please, no plagarizing.)

Jonathan Wilhoit

English 443

February 5, 2006

Dr. Jill Sessoms

The Moderation of Civility

In the Roman dramatist Terrence’s play entitled Andria, one of the characters states “moderation in all things.” While this may be an over generalized statement, the sentiment can be applied to many aspects of human existence as a desirable balance of two extremes. One of those aspects is the issue of civility. How nice is too nice? How much is too much? How little is too little? These have been questions that have had varying answers over the years, but the remedy invariable came somewhere in the middle. Similarly, Jane Austen’s novel Pride and Prejudice comes to the same conclusion: that there has to be some sort of moderation in social deference and hospitality. By comparing certain instances in the book to modern life, we can see that throughout history, though the balance point of moderation has changed, there still remains an inherent need to maintain equilibrium with the issue of civility.

Near the beginning of the narrative in Chapter Seven, Jane departs the Bennett household to go spend a day at the Bingley estate. While there, she falls ill and, though it is a minor malady, her hosts insist that she stay in their home until she feels better. She writes in a letter back to Elizabeth, “I find myself very unwell this morning, which, I suppose, is to be imputed to my getting wet through yesterday. My kind friends will not hear of my returning home until I am better.” This type of kindness provides an example of how civility can be extended toward friends and can endear those friends even more. The three mile carriage ride back to her home wouldn’t kill Jane, but the Bingleys insist upon it because as a guest of their household, civility holds that they would board their friend for a few days until she feels better. Similarly, if a modern guest at a party had a bit too much to drink for them to drive home, the hosts would ask the guest to stay at their home and sleep off their stupor. The hosts of the party have a responsibility to their guests and to society to protect them from themselves, just as the Bingleys have a responsibility to take care of Jane during her time of weakness. This type of civil hospitality is still alive and well in modern culture, but it has simply progressed into an interpretation that has more bearing on contemporary society. This type of “rebalancing act” illustrates the need for moderation in civility because, even though the hosts may expel their other guests, the ones that need their help must stay. No one would expect them to lodge all of their visitors, but it is expected that the drunkard who needs to sleep it off would be compelled to stay.

Later in the novel, Mr. Collins, a cousin of Mr. Bennett’s, comes to stay with them at their estate. Austen divulges the fact that, because the Bennetts lack a son, Mr. Collins will be the one to inherit his estate. Austen describes the man by saying in Chapter Fifteen, “Mr. Collins was not a sensible man, and the deficiency of nature had been but little assisted by education or society,” illustrating that the man was not a pleasant person to be around. But Mr. Bennett tolerates him anyway because he knows that by being civil to Collins, he can perhaps ensure that he treats the Bennett women well after his passing because. Should he want to, Collins could throw the women of the family out on their hind ends and leave them with virtually nothing. Mr. Bennett knows that fact, and as such he entertains Collins with civility in order to ensure that his wife and girls are fairly treated after his death. He must balance his distaste for his asinine cousin with his desire to see his loved ones taken care of, and civility becomes his vehicle toward that goal. In a similar contemporary setting, a son-in-law might act civilly toward his father-in-law to ensure that he and his wife gain a portion of the family inheritance. While this motive may be more selfish than Mr. Bennett’s example, it still demonstrates a manner with which to balance personal distaste with future rewards. Again, the example Austen gives in her novel would never happen in modern society because we no longer adhere to the stricture of primogeniture, and as such, women now have a stake in their fathers’ property. Nevertheless, the issues are similar and the necessity of civility still remains, but the balance point has been altered to fit with a changing society.

In another example of this societal balancing act, Lady Catherine attempts to persuade Elizabeth to call off her engagement to Darcy, but Miss Bennett politely refuses, walking a thin line between deference to her “betters” and attention to her own desires. In a similar modern setting, a parent might suggest that his or her son’s intended bride is not “good enough.” And while the son’s initial reaction might be to storm out, defy his parents, and cut all ties with them, civility and moderation dictate that he should take the middle road and act respectfully toward his parents but at the same time never neglect his own feelings. In much the same way, Elizabeth’s defiance of Lady Catherine illustrates the need for personal actualization rather than listening to others. In this case, Lady Catherine has no blood relation to Elizabeth, and nothing but civility would compel her to submit to the noblewoman’s wishes. If her father had made a similar decision, because of the times, she would have had to obey, civil or not. But in the modern context, as long as the son and his bride are of age, the parents desires do not enter into the decision, but civility can still facilitate better relationships. These changing social situations illuminate how the gauge of civility and politeness has shifted over the years, but it still remains relevant to modern society.

While it seems as if civility has gone down the proverbial toilet since the Romantic and Victorian eras, our modern sensibilities have shifted but civility still remains an integral part of society in balancing the opinions, expectations, and feelings of others against personal desires. Anyone who wishes for success in business or academia must compromise some of their personal desires and feelings in the interest of others whom they work with and for. Anyone who is unwilling to do so never rises very far, and the same was true in Victorian England. The prescription of exactly how to be civil has changed, but the need to act civilly has not disappeared. The balance between two social extremes may not be in the same place for every issue, but by following the age-old maxim, “moderation in all things,” we can find a fulcrum with which to balance our lives and society.