Why The Computer Programmer Sleeps On His Fridge

NOTICE: This is a warning as to what too much technology in your head can do to a perfectly normal person. Do not read without a Teddy.

Once upon a time, there was a perfectly normal man. He lived in a blue with a white picket fence and pansies growing in the front yard. And yes, he had a dog named Pots. This was right and dandy until IT came. The most evile (-see Below) thing to show it’s square, glassy face to this particular man: it is the…computer.

Once Oswaldo got his computer, it was true pixilated love at first sight. He did everything possible on his computer: he bought food, he read the news, he even learned how to break dance. After some time, Oswaldo became a computer programmer, so he could pay his bills (he had quit his job a while ago; packing fish into little cans just didn’t appeal to him anymore) He became a world renowned computer programmer, and he would’ve stayed that way for a very long time had he not lived with his mom. People just didn’t…like that.

One day he woke up in…an actual bed! He started to panic and he hyperventilated quite severely, because he usually slept at his computer and woke up to the sound of artificial bird chirps. His mother came into the room with a loaded shotgun.

“Now, Oswaldo, I’ve been saying this for years now, BUT THIS TIME YOU’LL LISTEN TO ME!” she cried, flinging open the curtains.

He covered his eyes. “It burns,” he wailed, “It buuuuuuuuurns!”

“Now, boy, you’re gonna stop fiddle faddling on that dang computer. I threw it away.” She said proudly.

“NOOOOOOO!!!!!!” he cried out, falling on the ground and clawing it.

“Yes!” she said. “Now get dressed.” She threw a large book on his bed. “Read the manual if you forgot how.”

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Ever since then, Oswaldo has slept on the only techonology his mom allowed in the house: a fridge.

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(Below-) my word. Pronounced: EE-VILE. Like “vile” with an “e” sound in front.

I know...i don't like it much either. Not a very good explanation, but everything else seemed dumber. again, my word.

Go eat a cookie while serenading stain glass lamps,

Aryanda