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III
You lie…silent there before me…
Your tears…they mean nothing to me…
Jeffrey stirred from his light sleep. It was past midnight, and the whole house was silent. He pushed himself up, resting his back against his headboard.
The wind…howling at the window…
The love…
He couldn’t sleep. Every dream was occupied with the event that had happened so long ago.
You never gave…
Jeffrey remained silent, thinking deeply as he stared into the darkness of his room.
I give to you…
His breathing became laboured once more as his thought drifted to Sean. What his mother had said from the other side of the door was true. He hadn’t cried yet. He just couldn’t bring himself to do it. Jeffrey had even once tried smacking his head against his desk a few times to bring some tears to the surface, but all that got him was a nasty bruise.
Really don’t deserve it…
But now…there’s nothing you can do…
After a moment of silent meditation, he sighed, leaning forward. He brought his knees up to closer to his body and laid his head on them.
So sleep…in your only memory…
“Sean…” he whispered into the darkness.
Of me…
“It’s time,” he mumbled, throwing the covers back.
My…dearest mother…
His hand slid into his pillowcase, and pulled it out: a large kitchen knife.
Here’s a lullaby to close your eyes, goodbye…
He held it steady in his right hand and dragged it once…twice…three times across the underside of his left wrist, each one deeper than the last. He winced a little, and took a quick breath between his teeth. His left hand, now trembling, grasped the knife’s handle. He could feel the blood flow from the wounds on his wrists as he cut into his right arm.
It was always you that I despised…
He watched his arms. The blood didn’t drip, but it didn’t gush either. It was disgusting, and yet…liberating.
I don’t feel enough for you to cry, oh well…
A tear trickled down his cheek. Then another, and another. His back began to heave up and down as he sobbed.
Here’s a lullaby to close your eyes, goodbye…
The bed was soaked in blood. He didn’t care.
Goodbye…
He shimmied down and rested his head on his pillow.
Goodbye…
He pulled the blankets overtop of him.
Goodbye…
He closed his eyes. His parents would find him in the morning. “Goodbye,” he said, his voice cracking as the tears continued to stream down his face.
Goodbye…
