My raindrops

I sit here lost in my thoughts

As I stare out this window;

I watch the leaves blowing across the ground

I hear the silence of the night

I smell the air of my room

I long for the sent of fresh air

Cause fresh air means I'm outside

Outside at night means I'm alone

Alone is what I need right now

I need to clear my head

And erase those foul words I just heard from my mind

I want the yelling to stop

I can't help but think

"Is it my fault?"

Is it my sibling's fault?

Is it the dog's?

I pray and pray to God each night

Asking him to stop the yelling

He knows how much it kills me inside

He knows what vow's I made

He knows that I vowed to not hurt myself intentionally

He knows that they're fighting temps me

It temps me because it seems to take away the pain

Later I discover

It brings more

Upon me

Upon others

So I keep thinking

Blaming myself

For every scream;

Object thrown

Door slammed

For ever dog bark I hear

Is it my all fault?

Some people don't know

So they do not tell me yes or no

Those who know say it's not my fault

But I can't help thinking it is

Cause I know

That sometimes

I am the cause to the start

I do or don't do something

And it makes one of them mad

So they take their anger out

On the other

And it starts there

Then it explodes into every little glitch in life

Why must we only see the bad?

Why is the good hidden in the clouds?

Inside the clouds locked away,

Are all the happy tears of the rain

The raindrops of good past memories

But instead

We are only able to visualize the hail

The hard hitting bricks of ice

That only grow bigger with every second

What happens,

When the hail over takes us completely?

Making us forget every little thing of good

Then where are we?

Are we inside a vast tunnel?

Where only cold hail is around us

Causing us to dwell in the past

What have we become?

We all used to live in this world

Surrounded and over lapped with joy and glory

How did we become the opposite of what was intended?

So I continue thinking

About how we have gone wrong

I pray again for us to be released from this hell

This frozen hell

Where we all become cold and heartless

Where we all are filled with lies every day

Where lovely memories are eliminated for eternity

Where we can only imagine good

Where when we imagine good, we are punished

When will the frozen vessel keeping us inside melt?

Will it be the day when all wars are ended?

The day when Christ died for us?

We can only hope,

That this day will come.

For that's all we have left.

Dreams, shattered

Love, destroyed

Friendships, dismantled

Needs, go fulfilled

Desires go unpaid for.

Why have we become a society that revolves around gold?

Money, fortune, gold; it's all the same

We live in a greedy place.

Oh how I long to smell the fresh air again

Cause every time I stair out that window at night

I think

Thinking can be good

Yet it can be bad

So what do we do know?

Think only happy thoughts

But wait

We can't do that

Because they are lost

Am I just lucky?

Or do all people have a place to go when things go wrong?

Mine is everywhere

As long as I'm alone

The thing that's strange

Is that when I stare out this window

I am alone

Because just down a floor below me is where the yelling is

Why must I be the eldest child?

I stay awake at night because I can not sleep

Just before my eyes glue in for the night

It all begins

Then my eyes bolt right open

Shedding my raindrops