I walked into the familiar bedroom of the apartment my boyfriend, best friend, and I shared. My friend Danni slept in one room with her on and off boyfriend Jason and friend Kyle while I slept in the other bedroom with my lover and fiancé, Dominic. It had been my turn to go to the local food store to buy the groceries for the week. I had asked Dominic if he wanted to come with me, but he responded with: “No thanks Kami. I’m just gonna stay here.” Not realizing at the time something was wrong; I shrugged it off and got my coat to go.

Now that I was back, I was going to give Dominic something to cheer him up. As I opened the door, I heard a bottle roll across the floor. I paid no attention to it as to what greeted my sight was none too pleasant. Dominic was sprawled across our bed- lying face down on his stomach- not moving. Blood pooled around him- staining our white cotton sheets and flowered comforter. My mind went into shock. I felt the tears brim over my eyelids, but I couldn’t let them fall. I wouldn’t let myself look weak. I promised myself that, years ago when I was only twelve. I walked over to the body of my love. Clutched in his left hand; I found a note.

“My Dearest Kamille:
I am so terribly sorry for you to find me like this. The other day, I got a phone call from my mother. She was so furious and I had no clue why. It was so impossibly difficult to understand her. Unfortunately, the parts I could understand were as follows: ‘Kamille is a whore. Dump her ass’ and ‘Get your ass home as soon as possible.’ The next day, I decided to drive over to the dying bitch’s house. I had her smack me around a few times- having her tell me she heard you, my beautiful, were cheating on me… sleeping around and that I had been stealing. It angered me tremendously to hear that bitch call you such vulgar names. I came home that night- telling you I had been out shopping all day for you- and coming home to make love to you one last time. Doing anything you asked me to- trying to make it so special.

Now as I write this last letter to you, I wonder if death IS the right route. I guess I’ll just have to find out for myself soon to come. I also wonder if you will find this letter. If you’re reading it, then apparently you did. I love you, my Kami. I have always loved you since that day in 8th grade.
Good-bye my princess.
All my love and forever more: Dominic.”

I reread through the note again… making sure it was for real. Finally coming to the realization that he was in fact dead and never coming back, something in me snapped- broke completely. My stomach filled to the brim with butterflies, my eyes watered and my heartbeat became loud in my ears. The heart felt as if it was in my throat. I looked at Dominic. ‘Oh shit…’ ran through my mind. Everything was going wrong. I let out a wretched cry. I screamed so loud. I yelled at myself, at Dominic and at God. I had once believed in him. I had once trusted him with my love’s life and he deserted me. I screamed out to my sister. I screamed so loud it shook the apartment. I was furious. I was tearful. There was nothing anyone could do or say to cheer me up. To help me. I heard Danni and Jason walk into the bedroom. I heard the gasped cry emit from her mouth. I heard Jason’s frustrated sigh. It had to be one of my nightmares. I pinched myself finding it hurt and the worst pain of all. It was no nightmare. Danni and Jason came up to me… I felt Jason’s hand on my back and Danni hugging me. I pushed them aside. I wanted to be alone. I ran out of the bedroom I had once shared with the love of my life. I grabbed the coat I had just used not ten minutes ago to go out and buy food for us. I ran out of the apartment and down the hall to the parking lot. I jogged to Dominic’s car started it up and drove off. I kept driving and driving till I started to run out of gas. I parked in front of a gas station, shut off the car and threw the keys into the passenger seat. I sat at the steering wheel and finally let the tears come. Cool tears dropped themselves onto my hot cheeks. Two little rivers flowed themselves down my cheeks parallel to each other. I looked through the purse I had accidentally left in the car. I looked for my razor. I would cut for a little bit, fill up the car, and drive back home to finish the job. Die right next to my love.

The first cut was mildly satisfying. I cut lightly right down the middle of my forearm. Blood flowed lightly. The next cut was a little deeper. The blood flowed a little easier with that one. The deeper I cut the greater the feeling. I was on a high. I watched the blood flow from each individual cut. It was marvelous. I felt so alive. But I didn’t want to be alive right then. I wanted to be dead next to my lover of four years. Letting the last and deepest cut for now overtake my pain, I got out of the car went over to the passenger’s side to retrieve my temporary lost keys under the seat. Finding them, I went back over to the driver’s side and started the car and went over to one of the stations. When I finished filling the car, I went inside to pay and decided to get something small for the road home. Buying a small bag of chips and a Slim Jim, I paid for the gas and got back in the car to go home. I took my time going home… not giving a care in the world what the hell happened to me. Pulling into the parking lot of the apartment houses, I took my purse, the rest of the bag full of chips I decided not to eat and grabbed my purse. I dug out my key from the purse in my right hand and unlocked the door. I saw Danni, Jason, and now Kyle sitting on the couch- Danni sitting in the middle of the two boys- all looking solemn. They all looked up at the opening and closing of the door. Somehow, Danni knew what was to come, but none of them said anything. It was completely quiet. I placed my purse on the floor and hung my jacket on the coat rack. I went into the kitchen and placed the bag of chips on the counter and walked back into my room where Dominic laid face down. I walked over to him- not giving a care if I got his blood on me- and moved him on top of the bed, instead of him kneeling on the floor. I laid on my bed too, putting his head on my breast where he loved to always put it after we made love or even if we were about to go to sleep and we would just talk about what our future was to be like. I talked to him as if he was just sleeping and not dead in my arms, like I would usually do when I couldn’t sleep at night and hadn’t the heart to wake him and tell him. I told Dominic I loved him numerous times. That I knew I could sleep tonight once I had the help- but Danni, Jason, and Kyle most likely wouldn’t sleep tonight. They would most likely call the police after I had gone to sleep for the rest of my life. Nineteen-years-old and my life would be cut short all on account of a bitch whom couldn’t keep her mouth shut to her son. I kissed the forehead of my love who would kiss my forehead every night before we would fall asleep in each other’s arms. I took the utility razor from the corner bedside table but before I could slit my first wrist, I was an orange bottle on the floor. I removed Dominic’s head from my now bloodstained tank and got up to see what it was. It was my prescribed meds for depression. And Dominic had used all of them. There had been precisely fifty tablets of 150mg anti-depressants in that bottle. I knew we had a bottle of sleeping pills in the bathroom so I decided to cross the room to our joint bathroom- Danni’s room was also joined to it- and looked in the medicine cabinet to grab them. They, too, had been prescribed to Dominic and I for our sleeping troubles. There were fifty each when we got them just a week before. I took them back into our room and I downed most of them as I then took the utility razor and slit my wrists, but not before lying myself on Dominic’s chest. I had many random thoughts, as my minutes were limited. I thought about my family, Dominic, my friends, my unborn child I had never got the chance to tell Dominic I was pregnant with. As I slipped into darkness, I heard the door open and with one eye barely open, I saw a fuzzy Danni crying into the arms of Jason as Kyle opened it. My last breath was used to say the two phrases “I love you Dominic forever” and “Goodbye.” I let the darkness overtake me as I slipped away.

The End.