Family Matters

By: Richard Lynch

o o o o o

We all must agree that
We love our fam’ly so
And each fam’ly’s different
And quite sim’lar, although
My family takes the cake
For one that is quite strange –
Not only did we split up
But each death… we did arrange!

My mother killed my father
My father killed my aunt
Who killed my dear old uncle
Right next to the water plant

Now he killed his daughter
And did some things to her
Well, this was only the start
And it caused... quite a stir!

My grammy killed my pappy
Because he came home late
My pappy’s mistress, Bertha
Would then share an equal fate

Bertha’s husband, Tony
(A temper he did lack)
My grammy died in her house
With a knife... in her back!

My brother killed my sister
My sister killed the dog
The dog had eaten the cat
Who in turn killed the frog

My cousin killed his niece
He used a great big axe
He then murdered his nephew
And covered... up his tracks!

My cousin and my brother
They both died in a duel
We wrapped them up in plastic
And then tossed them in the pool

My mother died the last
And she went happily –
I shall say this was because
She had been… killed by me!

o o o o o