when i hit the wall and break my trance

and then the moments

when i stay awake

(seconds, minutes,

halfanhours if i'm lucky)

a little like

a risen sleepwalker

and a little like

premature alzheimer's

(i forget, i forget,

i remember, and then i forget)

and in these frames i know

what

i

want

momentary wisdom in a child's eye it's

what

i

want

so i seize it and let you know

this is how things ought to be

(here i'm sure

which lover i love)

so i seize it and scream to you

exactly how things with me should be

(i know, i know,

i'm certain baby, i know)

become my notebook with

scraps

of

me

capture from the single heartbeat and keep these

scraps

of

me

then i sink into my abyss

wherein the whirling mess i find my peace

(but this is for you to rescue me,

just in case of emergencies)