The Starswill be explaied at the end of this, andItalics are Claires thoughts and yeah... READ AND REVIEW PLEASE!!

It was pouring rain outside on the countryside of Orlando as Claire ran to her class, having overslept again. I swear that when I find the person who re-arranged the timing on my alarm clock I’ll clock them a new one! Claire thought with a vengeance as she continued to run through the halls of Citron Academy at a fast pace.

She ran up the flights of stairs to the third floor that was Professor Jay’s classroom, to see that he had already started. After she hesitantly knocked on the door Professor Jay walked over to the door to let her in. “Ah, what a surprise. Finally bestowing us with your honorable presence eh Miss Valone?” He asked making the entire class giggle.

Payback time, “Of course sir. I just know how much you love having me in your class.” Claire said with a small smirk stretching across her lips.

He scowled at her, “Take your seat Miss Valone. And I do not want any more interruptions from you this class.”

She faked a salute, “Yes sir!” She said with a giant grin that only increased as the class laughed harder at her. It took a little while before Professor Jay could get the class back together in a cooperative state before he could tell Claire that she had a detention with him at seven O’clock. That whipped the smile clear off of her face. He can’t say that it wasn’t all in good humor! It got a laugh out of everyone and if I’m not mistaken he was trying really hard not to laugh as well. “Hmm?” She came back to her senses only to see that the entire class was looking at her making her turn a little red.

“Miss Valone glad that you could join us finally. Now tell me what I was just talking about.”

“Uh… well…” There was a strong poking at her back and when Claire turned her eyes to the side by the wall she saw that Misty, who was one of her good friends at the school, handing her a small piece of paper. Secretly taking the note Claire opened it; it was a small note in her handwriting.

“I’m waiting Miss Valone. And as you already know I am not a patient man.”

“You were talking about Cromwell and how he rose against his king to defend his land. Is that all sir?” She asked with mock sweetness.

He snorted a little, “Glad to see that you were paying attention Miss Valone.” Was all he said before he went back to teaching.

“Thanks Mist. I thought that I was toast.” Claire said with a smile.

“Heheh, well after that little salute you did I kinda figured that he would be on your case all class.” Misty Chang average looking girl but still got a lot of attention from the boys in her grade. Misty had blond hair with brown highlights that always no matter how hard she tried kept getting into her face and eyes. She also shares the dorm room with Claire, Brittany, and Kari. She was the first real friend that Claire had ever gotten at Citron Academy.

“No problem. You know me always willing to give people a laugh!” They continued to talk about random things including Claire’s latest love interest.

“You know if you just tell him… that you like him then you may even give him a heart attack during class…”

Claire looked at her friend wide-eyed, “SHH! Mist, don’t talk about that!” She then immediately changed the subject to sports.

They didn’t notice the ominous shadow of Jay beside them as they were whispering AHEM they looked up to see that he was glaring down at them, “Do you want to share that with the rest of the class or do you want to shut up and pay attention.” It was defiantly more of a statement then a question. They remained silent for a little while, “Well?” He asked his patience growing thin.

They looked at each other for a few minutes before Misty nodded. It was almost like they were planning something. Claire finally broke the silence; “Well we can’t really talk as per your instruction so we couldn’t really answer your state- er question sir.” She said trying really hard not to break out laughing from the look that he was giving her.

“Are you being smart with me Miss Valone?”

Yes sir. “No sir.”

“Are you sure?”

No sir. “Yes sir.”

“Are you mocking me Miss Valone?”

Yes sir. “No sir.”

“Good.”

Humph. “…”

“Well?”

“Well what?”

“I’m waiting.”

“For what?” She asked sweetly.

“Are you getting mutinous on me Miss Valone?”

Yes sir! I most defiantly am! “No sir. I was not being mutinous and I have never been mutinous in front of you ever.” Man this is fun! I can probably get him to go into a huge fit of rage soon enough!

“Miss Valone!”

“Yes sir?” Claire asked innocently.

“Because you find it so much fun to mock me you will be serving double detentions!”

Yup he’s losing it. Ah the joys of annoyance. So sweet, so fun. But he doesn’t have to be a killjoy like that! I was having fun! “And I care why?” Oops. That came out wrong. He looks positively pissed now! The class gasped in awe at Claire’s boldness.

“Why should you care?” He repeated.

Inner sigh well better go along with this now. He’s gonna skin me alive, kill me, revive me then repeat the process until he’s happy. Which is most likely going to be never. I have as much of a chance of him liking me as I do passing this year alive! Which isn’t that high mind you. “Yes why should I care.”

A few people started whispering, saying things like, “Twenty bucks says she’s going to ‘disappear’ by the end of the term.” And things like, “What a brave soul. Too bad that she won’t live to see her graduation.” Even a few had put their hands into prayer formation and mumbling prayers under their breath.

Thanks for the vote of confidence guys. A real confidence booster.

“SILENCE!” He bellowed and the whole class shut up right there. He turned back to Claire, “Miss Valone I will have you know that I do not tolerate silliness or any type of rebuttal if it is not part of the class work. Do you understand me so far or is your brain to slow to comprehend my words.” He told her his voice chilling the warm room.

“I understand so far sir.”

“Good then do you understand two week detentions.” Still not making any type of question.

Evil inner smile MUAHAHAHAHA! This IS fun! I should do this more often. “I’m afraid I don’t Professor.” She said in a mock innocent voice.

“Why you little-” RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING!

“Bye Professor!” Claire said waving to him.

“Detention! Here! Seven O’clock! Be here! Or else.” He added making him look grim.

“Sure thing sir!” Claire added with a toothy grin still waving as she walked out of the classroom. “Mist?”

“Yeah?”

“Can you do me a favor?”

“Uh… sure. What is it?”

“Catch me.”

“Huh, what? EEK!” Misty had only seconds to react before her friend collapsed. Grumbling all the while she dragged her friend to their next class.

Halfway there, Claire woke up. “Oh Mist. You won’t believe the worst nightmare I just had. I was in Professor Jay’s classroom and I told him off.”

“Uh… Claire, that wasn’t a dream… that actually happened. And he’s out to get you. You have a detention with him tonight after dinner at seven O’clock.”

“Oh my.” Claire said finally remembering it all. “I- Oh my. Oh no, oh no, oh no! You don’t suppose that he heard us talking about how I was… you know…” Claire started.

“No. I kinda saw him after we were talking about that. I think that he started to come over after your overly loud ‘SHH!’” Misty reasoned.

“Oh… Hey wait. You saw him coming… AND YOU DIDN’T TELL ME?!” Claire yelled drawing a little bit of attention from the people in the halls, as well as some teachers who told them to promptly shut it and get to class before they were late.

While they were walking into class, Misty was still trying to explain to her friend that it wasn’t her fault. “I mean I said that I ‘thought’ that I saw him! Not DID! So it’s not my fault and…” Misty voice was drowned out by the sound of clapping, cheering, and singing.

“OOoooh she’s a jolly good fellow, she’s a jolly good fellow, she’s a jolly good felloooooooooow, for which we can’t deny!” Whistles and more cheering and clapping followed the song.

“Uhm…” Claire and Misty were utterly amazed by this. All they did was walk into class and there stood the entire class singing, cheering and clapping!

“Oh brave Claire have my chocolate orange!” A girl known as Brady said, holding up the orange looking ball.

“Uh… thanks… uhm why is everyone like this?”

The sweet act was gone in an instant and replaced with a snotty voice, “Well DUH! You told Professor Jay off with a smile on your face and totally dissed his detentions! You’re a celebrity now! Duh! I mean how thick can you be? Oh and it’s really only half of a chocolate orange. I ate the other half and didn’t want it anymore.”

“Thanks.” Claire said dryly. She then turned to Misty, “How did this spread so soon? I mean it just happened!”

“Well that’s the power of twenty-eight other students that are all gossip mongers.” Misty told her with a large smirk on her face before collapsing on the floor in front of her, “All hail the great Claire! Defeater of Professors everywhere!” Misty bowed and surprisingly enough so did everyone else as they all chanted the same stupid verse over and over again.

“I’m going to kill you Mist. I’ll make sure of it. I know where you sleep.”

“And I know who’s been fiddling with your alarm clock.” She said getting up to look at all of the students bowing around her friend.

“Who?!” Claire asked alarmed.

Misty’s grin widened considerably. “Me.”

“What?! It’s been YOU that’s made me late for the past few days?!”

“I didn’t make you late… I do wake you up so that you can go and get breakfast, but you keep on saying that your alarm clock will wake you up. Brittany and Kari are in it too. We just leave you after you get back to sleep.” She said with a more prominent grin then ever on her face.

Claire gave her, her best death glare that she could muster; “Now I WILL kill you!”

“What is going on in here?!” The shrill voice of Professor White asked.

“I haven’t the faintest Professor. But I think that Claire did something.” Misty explained.

Oh yes I will kill you Misty. If not physically then mentally! MUAHAHA!

“Well?” Professor White asked dedicating her question to Claire.

“Uhm… I have no idea?” She offered with a shrug of her shoulders. Thankfully for her Professor White bought the story.

“Alright get up everyone! Miss Valone is not a god.” She paused, “I said GET UP!” She yelled at the few who were straggling behind her orders and gave all of the people who were bowing extra homework and started her English lesson. “Alright class today we shall be taking what you think to be a boring topic and turning it into a story. An interesting one at that. Now this story must be longer then a thousand words and cannot under any circumstances be seriously boring. I will mark harshly on this,”

“When do you not mark harshly?” A random student asked in a low voice.

Professor White shot one of her best death glares, “If you will please keep your comments to yourself until I am finished that would be greatly appreciated. Now as I was saying, I will mark this harshly, on you punctuality, expression, and most of all your sheer talent in writing stories. Now today you shall choose your topic and brainstorm your ideas.” The class stared at her as if expecting her to continue, “Well? What are you all waiting for? Get going!” The silence in the room was broken at a fast rate with the scramble of everyone trying to get their paper and pens ready.

Half of an hour later Claire found herself remembering the last class and how annoying her teacher had been, That man is a jerk. I mean he never tells us anything about himself! He makes the class more boring then a call to the Telus people! You know I bet that there are a lot of secrets that he doesn’t want to get out… Claire thought for a few more minutes, Well I guess that I can do a little more slacking off. This is much more importan! Operation Jay Exposé, Claire wrote down a title and the number one below it:

‘25 little known facts about Professor Jay:

1. He is actually a thirty-two year-old woman named Gladys. (You can tell by his body type)

2. He tried out for the part of Quasimodo in the Hunchback of Notre Dome but was rejected. The director told him he was too ugly to properly cast.’

OUCH! Man… this is terrible! Ha, ha, if he saw this I would be dead!

‘3. He was once mistaken for a mutated gender confused frog.

4. His nose is so large that one time a very elderly person stood in front of it and thought there was an eclipse of the sun.

5. He lives in his mother's basement.

6. He likes the dark because then he can't see himself.

7. Even his cousin wouldn't go to the ball with him.

8. A grease monkey wouldn't live in his hair.’

OK well maybe that’s a little mean…I mean it doesn’t look that bad… Claire thought to herself as she crossed it off of her list. Then put it back because it would add more flair to the list. Besides, Claire reasoned this is supposed to be insulting, and put it back the way it was.

“Hey what are you doing?” Misty asked from beside her.

“I’m writing a list. Why? What are you doing?” Claire shot back.

“The actual assignment. You know, ‘Think of a boring topic and write a story on it.’ What we’re supposed to be doing. Now… what’s this?” She grabbed the paper from Claire’s desk with minimal difficulty, “A list? Of Professor Jay? Tisk, tisk, Claire.” Misty smirked. “Making a list and not telling me about it? Shameful! Here’s one…” She wrote down the number nine and another fact.

‘9. His fingers grew so long from many years of picking his nose.’

“OH! Dude! That’s worse then the acting one! Let’s continue…”

‘10. He wears black because it's supposedly slimming.

11. His parents claim not to know him.

12. He wishes he was Brittany, so he could be cool and have friends.’

“Uh… Misty why did you put down Brittany’s name?” Claire asked.

“I really don’t know… I guess because she kinda is the schools own First year protector.” Misty shrugged, “And besides did you really want me to put down your name instead?”

Claire looked thoughtful for a minute, “Yeah that’s a good point.”

A large whacking sound sliced the silence of the room. Looking up they noticed Professor White looking down at them with a stern look, “What, pray tell, are you two so engrossed in?” She looked at the paper and noticed the numbers and gave a faint smile and a nod, “Ah, thinking of topics no doubt.” She eyed them as if daring them to challenge her observation.

Misty and Claire looked at each other, “Yeah that’s what we were doing. Sorry for being so loud Professor.” Misty said with a sincere look on her face even though her eyes were glimmering in mirth.

“Very well.” Professor White stated, “But do not get carried away again. Or I may have to keep you here after class, lunch is not that important to me as you education’s.” They nodded sharply. “Good. Now get back to work.” They nodded again.

“Heheh, this is awesome. With Professor White thinking that we’re doing something that is well educational we can continue this maybe even past 25!” Claire said happily.

‘13. He loves dancing and singing along to the song “I’m Too Sexy” when he thinks that there’s no one around.

14. He was once told that Pumpkin Juice was actually Pimp Juice and has never touched it again.’

“Didn’t you do that Claire?” Misty wondered aloud, Claire just grinned sheepishly. “Thought so.”

‘15. He secretly loves C-’

“Claire, don’t take the list in vain and use it to enact your own sick little fantasies.”

“Fine, fine.” Claire said dismissing her with a small wave of her hand.

‘15. He is secretly a Drag Queen. Which is why no one cares to know where he actually does go on the weekends.

16. He has never kissed a girl. Even a Tart wouldn’t kiss him.’

“What a waste of money eh?” Claire commented, snickering.

‘17. He was once mistaken for Michael Jackson.

18. He was in the MC Hammer music video “Can’t touch this” as one of the backup dancers.

19. He has a tattoo on his left arm that says “Mamma’s Boy.”

20. He’s scared of tinfoil because it shows his reflection.’

“Misty!” Claire hissed, “That may be too mean… even for the list!”

“Well it’s not like he’s going to see it.” Misty said.

“Good point. I guess that three is good enough. OH! I have a good one for number twenty-one.”

‘21. He once lost all of his money while playing Blackjack with a monkey.’

“Ha, ha! Awesome!” Misty commented. “But we still need a few more for the list to be complete.” There was a knocking on the door and when Professor White opened it, the two girls nearly doubled over in laughter when Professor Jay walked into the room. “Well that was ironic.” Misty commented with a light chuckle.

“Yeah I know. I mean what are the chances of that?”

“Not very high.”

“Quiet over there!” Professor White snapped.

“I wouldn’t even bother with them Professor. They are hopeless, lost cases if you will.” Professor Jay retorted with a glare in Claire’s general direction.

Oh yeah I know that your glaring at me but trust me I am getting my revenge. Claire told herself and gave Professor Jay a large happy grin right back to his glare.

“Especially that one.” He pointed to Claire. “She just oozes trouble…”

“You’re just saying that because she totally verbally kicked your butt!” Brady blurted out.

Professor Jay walked over to Brady and loomed over her, “Are you willing to prove that?”

Claire elbowed Misty, “Number 22…”

‘22. Likes small girls. Especially C-’

“Will you stop that!” Misty scolded, “This list is not supposed to be taken in vain, I’ve told you this already. Remember number fifteen?” Misty sounded like a mother reprimanding her child when she spoke to Claire.

“Well you can’t blame me for trying eh? But now we only need three more to complete the list of little known- why are you looking at me like that Misty?” There was a pause in Claire’s speech; “He’s right behind me isn’t he.”

“Yes he is.” Professor Jay replied.

Oh well that’s just peachy, he was the one who answered. I just hope that he doesn’t want me to hand over the list!

He smirked at her, “Now what is this about a list Miss Valone?”

Oh screw. Now I’m dead. Dead as a doornail, dead as a…dead thing. Claire thought frantically trying to think of some type of excuse, “Just a list of… uh… topics… for the er assignment.”

“Let me see them.” It wasn’t a question, it was a statement and he didn’t even wait for her to answer before he dove right into the next one, “Either I read it and most likely cause you mental harm or you read it aloud. Your choice Miss Valone.” He hissed in a deadly voice near her face.

Well he asked for it, “Alright but remember I really didn’t want to read this and any insults that may pop up then it is not my fault and you cannot blame me for them.”

“Fine, fine just read them!” He told her impatiently.

She cleared her throat and read, “‘25 little known facts about Professor Jay:

1. He is actually a thirty-two year-old woman named Gladys. (You can tell by his body type)
2. He tried out for the part of Quasimodo in the Hunchback of Notre Dome but was rejected. The director told him he was too ugly to properly cast.
3. He was once mistaken for a mutated gender confused frog.
4. His nose is so large that one time a very elderly person stood in front of it and thought there was an eclipse of the sun.
5. He lives in his mother's basement.
6. He likes the dark because then he can't see himself.
7. Even his cousin wouldn't go to the ball with him.
8. A grease monkey wouldn't live in his hair.
9. His fingers grew so long from many years of picking his nose.
10. He wears black because it's supposedly slimming.
11. His parents claim not to know him.
12. He wishes he was Brittany, so he could be cool and have friends.
13. He loves dancing and singing along to the song “I’m too sexy” when he thinks that there’s no one around.
14. He was once told that Pumpkin Juice was actually Pimp Juice and has never touched it again.
15. He is secretly a Drag Queen. Which is why no one cares to know where he actually does go on the weekends.
16. He has never kissed a girl. Even a Tart wouldn’t kiss him.
17. He was once mistaken for Michael Jackson.
18. He was in the MC Hammer music video “Can’t touch this” as one of the backup dancers.
19. He has a tattoo on his left arm that says “Mamma’s Boy.”
20. He’s scared of tinfoil because it shows his reflection.
21. He once lost all of his money while playing Blackjack with a monkey.’ And that’s as far as I got.” The entire class was laughing from the first number and laughed even harder at the fifteenth.

Professor Jay was shaking with rage the entire class could see it. No one spoke incase he blew-up, “You will be serving detention with Mr. Smith. Tonight.” He said through clenched teeth.

“No.” Oh bugger all I’m already dead so why not push it a little more. Claire thought reasonably to herself.

“No?” He repeated carefully.

“Well I didn’t want to read it out loud, but you made me. I was probably just going to throw it out or burn it but you told me to read it aloud. If I am not mistaken I said something along the lines of, ‘insults that may pop up then it is not my fault and you cannot blame me for them’ so yeah. That’s that. The class got a laugh and you heard my list. All’s right with Citron Academy now.” Claire gave him no room to argue. But of course, as most adults do, he did.

“Miss Valone,” He started slowly almost as if he was making sure to control himself, “If you ever do this again I will hurt you in ways you would not even seem possible.” He seethed to her grabbing the tainted list from her hands, “And don’t even think about continuing this list.”

Thinking, thinking, thinking… ah just as well I didn’t have any more to add. Claire thought to herself.

RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING! The bell chimed loudly in the room and everyone bolted out of the room, no one wanted to see Professor Jay throw a fit.

Once everyone had left Professor White noticed the other Professor’s shoulders shaking, and when she looked at him closely she noticed that he was laughing, “Are you alright Professor?”

“Norma, did you know that some of this is actually true?”

“You were once mistaken for a gender confused frog?”

“No I lost all of my money playing blackjack with my uncles trained monkey. That thing was too smart for his own good.” He threw back his head in laugher, “Round one goes to you Miss Valone but the next shall be mine!” He shouted to no one in particular.

Outside the door Claire chuckled to herself, “You. Wish.” Was all she said.

FIN

Tart: Prostitute. Plain and simple.